Endless mindscape

about me:

Bowie is not my real name (but I'm not sharing what my real name is)

I'm 18

I'm genderfluid and gay as hell

I love music like Djo, Michael Jackson, The Crane Wives, Will Wood, Laufey, Rob Zombie, and many more

I love PHM, Iron Lung, The X-Men, Fantastic Four, DC in general (specifically Wonder Woman), Frankenstein, Studio Ghibli, Lars and The Real Girl (Honestly most Ryan Gosling characters and films), JJK, and many more things if you are interested just ask!

I am in college, so if I'm gone for months, that's why

I love History/Anthropology and Paleontology

New fanfic writer but not new to Narrative writing, and I will be mainly writing x reader fics

THIS IS NOT A SAFE SPACE FOR MAGA, RACISTS, PEDOPHILES, PRO-ISRAEL, PRO-TRUMP, HOMOPHOBES, TRANSPHOBES, OR ANYTHING ALONG THOSE LINES. IF YOU ARE ANYTHING LIKE THAT, LEAVE.

I am also taking requests for anything you are interested in, even if I haven't listed it in my interests. Please ask, and I may be able to do it!

I do have some rules for what I will and won't do

Won't do (things may be added):

incest of any kind

pedophilia or age-play

bestiality

anything nonconsensual

shipping real people together or celebrityxreader

Will do:

Male!reader

Fem!reader

NSFW (I have never done it though, so it may not be good)

Age-gap as long as it's not insane

omegaverse

platonic reader

canon x canon, not just xreader if it's requested

teen/kid!reader in a platonic sense

I plan on getting more into y/n's backstory, why they snuck on, and Ryland's reaction later in the story but from what I'm thinking is that Y/N doesn't have a abusive family per say. They are questionable and have bad tendencies but it's conflicting especially for y/n. They have a family that is really keen on grades/public image and can be harsh. Would give silent treatment or give harsh criticism if they did anything bad or was less than perfect. It gave them a complex of needing to exceed expectations immensely so that they would feel more love than fear but that then created a sense that everything is conditional and it can and will be taken away at any time if deserving. Their parents are also very busy with work not in a "rich board meeting or business trip" kinda way but in a "I need to make sure my kids and family are comfortable so they have a good life" so often they were left at school long after the final bell wrang because their parents picked up another shift without thinking about if their kid could get home. That's also why they pushed y/n so much to be good and have a good image so that they can get a good job and be comfortable. It's all well intentioned but not well executed and it made y/n feel like they didn't have in connection with anyone. Parents were busy all the time and they pushed themselves so hard to be as good as they were they didn't have many friends. But when they were in middle school and had Grace as a teacher part of the weight and fear they carried from home melted and relaxed a bit with him and he was always special to them. Quite literally their saving grace throughout middle school and always thought about him with everything in highschool/college and even went to him for help on some of the assignments. He was the most important part of their life but they didn't see each other since the reader graduated (about a year) due to working so get a higher degree then what they had and got too busy to stay in contact so that's why when they see each other again on the Stratt Vat they go to catch up.

“What is two plus two?” The automated version of Mary’s voice you’ve grown accustomed to over the four years on the ship alone rang through the hull. This meant one thing: the one thing that you have been waiting for all these years and knew was coming but didn’t know how soon. 

You ran as fast as you could to where the pods were in the ship, moving faster than you thought you ever did in your whole life. As you reached the room and heard a thud on the floor, you went down the ladder so fast that you almost fell, then went over to him cautiously. 

He had matted, long blond hair and a long beard he has had for a few years now, with a look of fear and confusion on his face as he moved around, trying to get his body to move after years of being still. You feel the pricking burn of tears welling in your eyes. Finally, you wouldn’t be alone after years of making one of the stupidest decisions you ever could. He looked over at you, disoriented, and attempted to speak.

“Wre m I?” he slurred out, but his mouth refused to cooperate. You approached him slowly and gave him a gentle smile; you wiped away the tears teetering on slipping down.

“H-Hey, it's gonna be ok… please don’t freak out.” Your voice cracked as you spoke, overwhelmed by a wave of emotions and disuse. He tried to stand, and you quickly moved to support him as he swayed, but he moved past you and climbed the ladder to try and see where you both happen to be. To his horror, when he gets to the cockpit and sees y'all are in space, he freaks for a bit and is in denial when you tell him you are not in your star system but 11.9 light-years away. 

“Where are the rest of the people?” he asks after he finally accepts that the sun he sees is not y'all's sun, and that is when you stay silent for a long stretch of time, looking out the cockpit window looking out at space, and finally say in response in a quiet and shaky voice. 

It's- it's just us, Dr. Grace. The other two passed away about a year or two ago now in their comas…” his eyes widen, and his mind falls in on itself again, and you can't blame him; it was hard to experience when it happened. This was going to be hard and a lot, but you can do it. You did it all on your own for four years, and now you gotta help him. It's the least you could do for him after everything he did that he doesn’t remember now but will in time.

Thinking back on it, this was the worst idea you could have ever come up with, but honestly, what could you have lost? Not much other than your sanity, which feels like it's held on by fucking threads. Is that sad? Yes, but you wanted to do something good and meaningful in your life and not just wait for death to come pounding on your door in the next thirty years. You’d only be in your forties by then. What kind of life is that? 

Obviously you were skilled and qualified to do this mission in the first place if Stratt dragged you here, considering how young you were compared to literally everyone else there. You helped with the mission back home. You helped with the reports and experiments and were basically a slightly higher intern and way more qualified. Though you were given more leeway to do these things due to how qualified you were.

 The high school you went to did a dual enrollment program, which meant that while you were a sophomore in high school, you were also working through college and got your degree and diploma at 17 years old from a mix of dual credits and Advanced Placement classes. You were what people called a prodigy, doing all that so young.

 So when you get home from school one day and see sleek black expensive cars outside your house with a woman around 5’8 with long red hair and a tired face worn down by years and the weight of immense pressure on her. You walk up to her with a quizzical look and speak in a polite but confused tone.

“Can I help you, ma’am?”

“[Y/N][L/N]?” she states in a thick Eastern European accent. Possibly German, you ponder.

‘Possibly.”

“You are very exceptional”

“Who are you?”

“Eva Stratt. I’m with the Petrova Task Force, and I believe that you will be of some use to me.”

“Petrova…? What do you mean I could be of some use?”

“The sun is dying, and we don’t have much time. You could be useful in helping stop it from dying, giving yourself and many other people a chance of living a long, fulfilling life.”

“Why do you want some kid for this?”

“You have proven to many people, including me, from how far you have progressed in your studies at such a young age, that you could be useful in saving the world.”

“What would I be doing exactly?”

“Helping with anything needed by me and many of the other members of the team. Taking notes, doing experiments, maybe running coffee.”

“I’ll be a glorified intern.”

“You'll be doing hands-on work with astronauts, biologists, physicists, chemists, world leaders, engineers, and many more.” You stay silent for a moment, thinking, and look over at your home.

“How long would this be for?”

“We don’t know. We are saving the earth, [L/N].” You laugh dryly at her words.

“Fair.” You think for a moment before you look back at her and sigh, “Fine. I'll help.”

“So what I’m gathering from what you are telling me and what I remember is that we are supposed to examine and look at the Tau Ceti star and see why it's not dying IF it does have a petrova line, and try and save the world?” Grace asks you, looking at you incredulously.

“Yes, that is what I’m saying. You’ve been in a coma for what is felt as four Earth years on the way here, and so were Captain Yao Li Jie and Engineer Olesya Ilyukhina, but they have both passed away in their comas, so that leaves you, Dr. Ryland Grace, our scientist, and me to do all the work now.” You respond hesitantly 

“And you are who and what exactly? Also, why don’t I remember anything? How long have you been out of your coma?” he asks, mind spiraling again.

“Wow, ok, Grace, I need you to calm down, ok? I am [Y/N][L/N]. I don’t have one specific job per se. When you went into the coma, you became a temporary amnesiac due to what was used to put you in the coma.” You answer the onslaught of his questions gently

“Ok… alright so what now?” 

“We wait till we get to Tau Ceti. It should be a couple of days, maybe a week; I’d need to check.”

“Alright, we got some time to remember stuff before things get really serious then.” He says, standing up and walking to the whiteboard, opening the cap and writing things down he can immediately think of from what he remembers about himself and future questions to answer.

“Wait, we?” you ask, noticing his words.

“Of course you were in a coma too, so you also have amnesia, correct?” he states like it's the most obvious thing in the world, which, to be fair to him, it would be considering that is what he would assume you were under the same conditions he was.

“Right…” you hesitate to speak up for a moment before you speak again. “I don’t have amnesia, Grace.” he stops and looks back at you, confused.

“So the coma serum must have affected you differently. This is good; you can help me with things then and help me put the puzzle pieces together so we can do this together.” 

‘Should I tell him? It won't hurt to let him believe that for a little while, no?’ you think to yourself as you nod at him with a small, tight-lipped smile. 

You stand awkwardly at the front of the room filled with some of the most powerful and smartest people in the world, all staring at you and then at Eva Stratt, confusion evident on their faces. You feel heat crawl up your spine at the intensity of their stares.

“This is [Y/N][L/N]. They will be helping with Project Hail Mary.” Stratt states matter-of-factly to the room. She turns to you and nods to a chair in the back. “Go sit down.” You nod and walk back, your gaze on the floor rather than the quizzical looks from these people in the room as they refocus on what Stratt is saying. Taking a seat in the far back, you try to also focus in on what is being said and take vague notes in your notebook as instructed by Stratt beforehand. You don’t notice who you sit next to as you look down as you write and pay attention to the words coming out of the stoic woman's mouth, but he does. 

He notices you and who you are and stares at you as well, but not in the same way as everyone else was. Sure, he was surprised you were here, but not because you were too young to be here or any other reason the others were staring at you. No, no, no, it was because he knew you. He knew you personally. You were his student years ago when you were a little 8th grader taking his science class and breezing past it without much struggle. He was not surprised that you would be picked for this, hearing about how much you have surpassed and done so well in your academics, but he never thought Stratt would actually pick you to do it. 

After that meeting was done, you continued to take last-minute notes as everyone else in the room left, but him.

“[Y/N][L/N]?” he called out, trying not to startle you too badly, seeing how nervous you seemed to be. You immediately froze and slowly looked up at him, not realizing who it was till you saw him, and your eyes turned to saucers from how wide they went. 

“Mr. Grace?! What are you doing here?” you exclaimed

“I could be asking you the same thing. It's good to see you again,” he said with a bit of pride in his voice, seeing where you were going at such a young age 

“Ms.Stratt asked me to help with the project after school one day, and I said yes. You still haven’t answered my question, though. Aren’t you just a middle school teacher?” 

“Well, the thing is-”

“I see you two know each other?” Stratt said, interrupting Grace mid-sentence

“Yes ma’am, he was my science teacher when I was in middle school. What is he doing here?” you responded. 

“He’s here to help with saving the sun and therefore the planet,” Stratt responded, as that explained everything.

“I am aware of that, ma’am, but he's a middle school teacher. What is a middle school teacher doing trying to save the world?” you questioned, looking between the two older people. 

“I have a Ph.D in microbiology. I was never originally a middle school science teacher.”

Grace responded bashfully while rubbing the back of his neck, looking to the side. For the second time today you eyes winded an you mouth dropped.

“What?! If you are so qualified, how did you end up at Grover Cleveland Middle?”

“I think that’s a story for another time. How about we go get coffee and catch up? It's been a while since I’ve seen one of my star students,” he responds, putting his hands on his hips, pushing his cream colored cardigan with fox designs around the bottom while giving you a gentle smile. You nod in response, getting up and saying goodbye to Stratt.

Sitting in the pilot seat, looking between monitors and using the controls, refreshing your memory of what Yao taught you all those years ago, you hear someone behind you and look where the noise is coming from to see Grace’s head poke through the entrance hole in the ground.

“Hey kid, whatcha doing up here?” he asks, sitting in the seat next to you.

“Looking over the controls. Yao taught me the basics of how to use it, but it’s been a bit, so I wanna refresh and be able to pilot when it's needed and not need to panic,” you respond, looking back at the controls and monitors that have manuals and handbooks open on some of the screens and some having labeled models of the control system.

“So you’re a pilot?” Grace asked

“Yes and no.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I am if it is required, but that is not the only thing I am capable of. I can also do basic repairs and maintenance on the ship and tech that Ilyukhina taught me, but I can also help with the big science you are doing if you so require it when that time comes.” 

“Really, that’s really impressive for someone who seems so young. I mean, you are on this mission, so that on its own is impressive,” he says, surprised and incredibly impressed while looking at you with a critical eye. Feeling his intense gaze, you look over hesitantly as he does so.

“Is something the matter…?” you ask him 

“Did I know you before this?” he asks hesitantly, and you sigh as you look out the cockpit window into the beautiful vastness of deep space.

“Why do you ask this?” you question, trying to ignore the deep-seated pain in your heart that has been making home recently at knowing he doesn’t know who you are 

“I had a memory recently, and it was while we were on the Stratt Vat. I remember vaguely someone around your age working with Stratt and me, but I can't see the person's face very clearly. It’s the voice that I recognize more than anything, actually,” he says, looking forward at the mess of lights and buttons. Leaning his head forward till his forehead hit a screen, he sat in front of it, closing his eyes, trying to remember more.

“That’s all? Nothing more you remember? I'm still just some strange kid on this ship with you?” you ask with a hint of sadness in your voice, but try not to let it seep through completely. 

“I’m sorry…” he responds quietly. It appears no matter how much of an amnesic he is, he can always tell when something is wrong. You look back over at him and rest a comforting hand on his shoulder with a soothing expression.

“Hey, it's ok, it's not your fault that you don’t remember stuff right now.” He looks back over at you with a sad expression.

“I know, but it's not fair to you. It's obvious that you know me even when you try and hide it,” he responds, moving his head to look back over at you. You sigh, and your expression falls slightly.

“It'll take time, but we got all the time in the world for you to remember me.” You attempt to reassure him, but an idea hits you and your smile returns. “Hey, do you wanna know how to use some of the controls?” you ask. He smiles back slightly and sees what you are trying to do and goes along with it.

“Sure, teach me what you can.” Your smile widens at his agreement

“Ok, so there are 4 major components that come with making a ship be able to move well from the commands.  Structural system or frame, the payload system, the guidance system, and the propulsion system. These all work together for a rocket or a space ship to work together in its momentum.” You point to the control stick that has a button on it. “This helps with the control of where to move and how much power you wanna use by pushing the button and moving the control stick in whatever way you wanna go. It's a bit hard to get used to at first, but in practice it helps,” you say with a small bittersweet smile on your lips as you remember Yao teaching you.

“The flight controls are mainly seated on the left-center or left side of the control console and are typically seated opposite the commander. It will have buttons and switches for stabilization, propulsion, crew safety, emergency detection, and earth landing if we were coming back, but since that isn’t the case, we don't need to worry about that, eh?” Yao states, pointing to all the buttons and controls that go with each mechanism, he states playfully, trying to lessen the blow of the severity of the situation he and the other two astronauts are in

“Yao, is it really appropriate to joke about that? I mean you’re going to die out there.”

“Oh, what is living life without a little play, no?” he responds, laughing slightly, and you can’t help but smile and giggle slightly with him.

“I guess so.”

“You know, for someone so young, you don’t seem to play often. Where is all that play? I can't be the one to bring it to you forever,” he states, looking over at you in false sternness.

“Oh, you know… just trying to focus on helping you and the rest of the team along with staying on top of my own studies and the mission.”

 “You take life too seriously. Have fun with it; life is made to be fun, not just work and study. Remember to have fun and enjoy your youth while you have it,” he says, looking over at you with a reverent and kind smile, and you smile and nod in response. Satisfied with your answer, he goes back to teaching you the controls of the ship.

Your eyes get misty as you continue to explain the buttons and controls to Grace and wipe the tears pricking at your eyes with a sad but fond smile as you remember the memory, knowing that you'll never hear his jokes again or have his infectious laugh flood your ears as he tries to make the harsh conditions everyone's put in more bearable and joyful. You remember one of the years on the journey to Tau Ceti, and you heard the alarms go off as you were sitting in the ‘don’t go crazy room’ When Yao began to fail in his coma. The warning alarms emanated from his pod. You ran to where the pods were, and you watched as Armando worked diligently to save him. Do anything possible. You stayed close and with him the whole time, even though you knew that he wouldn’t know. You tried to help, but when you woke up the next day and saw his pod read “Deceased” in big bold letters with a haunting red background, the burning cold tears of grief and mourning wracked through your body as you collapsed to the floor in sobs. 

When Grace gave him and Ilyukhina the space burial, putting them to rest in the stars like they were always made to be, you couldn’t be there for it. You said your peace when they both died and couldn’t go through it again. You would just hold their memory close to your heart and hope that would be enough.

Ryland noticed your misty eyes and looked concerned, and reached over and wiped away one of the tears that managed to slip down your cheek. You looked over at him, and he gave you a small smile, and you gave one back.

In his eyes, there seemed to be a flash of recognition.

Walking over to my bike, I notice someone sitting down with their knees pulled close to their chest, and their head buried in their chest and knees in the shade near the parent pick-up spot of the school. Concern spikes through my body as I look over at the kid, and I B-Line to them. I notice it's one of my students,[Y/N][L/N]. They are always very quiet in my class, but they do their work and do it well. 

I sit next to them on the concrete and feel the coolness of the stone seep through my clothes, with the shade cooling it off after hours in the sun through the day. 

“Hey, [Y/N], everything ok?” I ask as I notice they seem to be sniffling from crying, and they quickly try to wipe away their tears, but I still notice, and my heart breaks at seeing such a sweet and good kid cry like this.

“Yeah, yeah, everything is fine, Mr. Grace,” they respond, trying to cover up the raspiness of their voice from crying, probably since school let out or a little after, which has been about an hour and a half at least.

“You sure? You know you can talk to me, right? Where are your parents? Did you have a club meeting after school? Is that why you're still here?” They shake their head, and my concern worsens 

“I’ve been waiting here since school let out. My parents lost track of time again. I’m sure they will be here soon, though,” they respond, and I can tell that they are trying not to make this a big deal. An Idea pops into my head, seeing them in this state having s suspisionn more lingeres below the surface. 

“Do you like Dinosaurs?” I ask with a smile creeping on my face, and they nod. “What is your favorite dinosaur?” 

“Ankylosaurus or a Stegosaurus,” they respond quietly.

“Did you know that some Ankylosaurus could get up to 30 feet and 10,000 lbs and actively fought with T. rex multiple times? Also, its name translates to fused lizard? The clubbed tail they are known for is a fusion of seven different bones; they would swing at predators in self deffenseand thats where their name comes from? OH, and Ankylosaurus and Stegosaurus come from the same type of dinosaur, armored dinosaurs, and are part of the clade Ornithischians.” I ramble about facts I randomly know for a while, and I notice a smile creep up on their lips after a while. I continue talking till one of their parents shows up. I wave goodbye to them and their parent as they get into the car and head home myself.

You wave your hand in front of his face for a couple of seconds, trying to get him back out of whatever daze he was in. 

“Hello? Grace? Everything ok?” you ask, a little concerned since he had been staring blankly at you almost through you for 3 minutes.  He blinked out of whatever he was trapped in his mind.

“Huh? Yeah yeah I'm ok,” he responds hesitantly, like his mind is still not there.

“Where’d you go?” you ask him gently.

“You were one of my students…” he says hesitantly, and a small smile spreads across your face.

Yeah, I was. You were a pretty great teacher, by the way.”

“And it seemed like you were a pretty great student.” You chuckle softly at his words 

“I tried at least. You helped make that easy.” You both smiled softly at each other, both knowing that you both are getting closer to truths coming to light.

I will be posting a part two this will not be the last of this but I hope you enjoy

It's been about a week since moving into this small Wisconsin town. It's not quite what you are used to. It's cold, colder than what you grew up with. I mean, there is snow, and it's freezing up here for most of the year. Unlike the warmth of home, where it's sunny or at least hotter than hell most of the year and only gets into the 20-degree Fahrenheit mark for more than a couple of days a month during a freezing winter. 

To say that this was a scene change for you was an understatement, but you needed the change; you needed to get out of there, to be frank, no matter how much you are missing it right now. You’ve maybe seen snow a handful of times in your life living back home, and one of those times was visiting the mountains during Christmas during a family vacation. So safe to say that you were underprepared for the cold and snow, needing to go out and buy a snow shovel and warmer clothes to save yourself from the new chill in the wind.

As much as it may have been colder than you were used to in the weather, the town you moved to was a wave of warmth and kindness you didn't know you needed, and it made the weather more bearable. You live next to a sweet couple with a new baby girl in the family. The couple introduced themselves a few hours ago. The shorter woman with mousy brown hair that falls to her shoulders, a warm smile, a gentle voice, and some of the kindest chocolatey brown eyes you have ever seen is Karin. Her husband is Gus, who is a taller man with dark brown hair with a few greys to the front of his temples and some sprinkled in the slight beard he has; it's more of stubble, but honestly, who knows. He has a kind and welcoming smile and seems to be just as warm as his wife. They also informed you of Gus’s younger brother, Lars, who lives in the garage-turned-apartment on their property, and who is watching their new baby girl named Ellie. They have offered help with anything you may need and gave you an open dinner invitation whenever you are ready. You thanked them, giving them an appreciative smile and the same invitation and offer of help if you could at any point.

You spent the whole week you have been there and the week after unpacking, buying things that you need, and looking for a job, that you haven’t noticed too much of the neighbor across the street with Karin and Gus, whom you had unknowingly caught the eye of.

Lars had noticed you since you moved in for a myriad of reasons, starting wth you were just so gosh darn pretty to him and had a charm he noticed every time he saw you. The second is that not many people move into this small town, that anyone new is a hot topic of the town, and Lars' instinct was immune to the whispers at church and work about the new person in town, on top of Karin and Gus talking to you and about you to him sometimes. He just couldn’t escape you, and he wasn’t completely upset by that notion, just unknowing what to do about that feeling.

 He has been watching you, persay. Not in a creepy way, but just in a way that whenever he sees you from the window of his home or when he gets home from work or just happens to see you at the store or out and about, he tries to observe you and your mannerisms and habits while trying not to be perceived by you. He wants to talk to you but is nervous and wouldn’t even know what to do. It took him enough reassurance and contemplation to talk to Bianca when he arrived, and so it was just as hard with you, if not harder, because he knew very little about you, unlike Bianca. 

There have been some occasions where you have noticed him when you are talking to either Karin or Gus, asking for help moving a box that is too big for just you and needing an extra hand and seen him from across the street and given him a shy and nervous wave with a warm smile on the side that he thinks could outshine the sun on somedays with how bright and cute he thinks it to be. Or you have seen him at the store and recognized him as your neighbor, and before he can hide from you, you smile politely and oh so sweetly at him. He then proceeds to walk away, blinking at you before he turns away without a word or a smile said to you. 

You have obviously noticed him after Karin, and Gus said he was there and warned you about some of his quirks and the broad strokes of his relationship with Bianca. With every shy interaction you have had with him, he just seems so cute and endearing to you. But you have never had the guts to go bother him for anything, seeing how averse he was to being around people; you give him a shy and sweet smile and a little wave whenever you do see him, even if he doesn’t do it back. Which he never has, other than maybe one time, but you don't take it personally.

Now, during the time that you have been unpacking and looking for jobs, you did finally find one at a local flower shop that you start at in a few days. It has snowed quite a bit, which is not surprising for any of the locals around here, but like stated before, you are not used to it and let out an audible groan when you look out your window today and see almost a foot of snow on your driveway that you need to clear. 

You head out to the garage to grab the brand new snow shovel you have bought and bundle yourself up in your winter gear, ready to face the icebox that is the world outside. You step out and begin to try to clear the snow coating the ground for as far as you can see and are surprised by how hard it is. The snow underneath is also snow you did not shovel a few days ago, not seeing the big deal in it till now and regretting your choices. See, the snow underneath has become so frozen and compact that it is now a sheet of ice stuck to your driveway. You let out a huff, clearly frustrated with yourself and the snow and ice now on your driveway you need to have cleared before you need to leave for work in a couple of days, and more importantly before the next snowfall so you don’t have this problem again.

You continue to push through and try to shovel your driveway, with every few steps losing your footing and almost slipping on the ice under your feet, and quite a few times losing your grip on the shovel because, number one, it takes a lot more muscle than you imagined to do this, and also your gloves were too slick for this. As you continue getting frustrated but pulling through anyway, some neighbors across the street notice your plight.

Across the street, Karin, Gus, and Lars are having breakfast, and from the window while doing the dishes, Karin sees your struggle. She has also happened to notice Lars’s minor fixation on you, catching his gaze looking over at your house more and more often through the days, or looking over at you if you happen to see each other in public, and watching you when you leave your house or enter your house, and of course has noticed how he has also noticed your struggle currently and she gets an idea. She turns to Lars with a sweet smile that has a plan behind it.

“Hey Lars, it seems like you're having some issues shoveling their driveway; why don't you go over there and help them?” Lars looks over at her, away from the same scene he was also watching, and blinks a few times at her before looking down at the table and his coffee, taking a sip of it. After a second, he says softly. 

“Oh, I don't know, Karin…” he gives her a tight-lipped smile and nervous eyes at the thought. 

“Come on, Lars; it seems like they need some help, and you don't have anything going on today. Church is already over, and you don't have work today. What would be the harm in offering them a little help? They seem nice, and I'm sure they would appreciate it,” she says in a hopeful manner. He shakes his head at her words, feeling the anxiety of talking to you bubble up in his system like a pot of boiling water. 

“I’m ok,” he says quickly as he gets up and moves toward the door and puts on his hat, jacket, gloves, and wraps his mother's blanket she made for him when he was a baby around his neck like a scarf. “Thank you for breakfast.” The sentence hurriedly leaves his mouth as he walks out the front door.

As he’s leaving, he looks back over to where you are and still having a bit of problems and barely making a dent in your driveway. He looks away again and walks over to his home before he looks back over at you one more time and sees you slip and fall with a small surprised yelp. Witnessing that, he starts to walk over without thinking, and before he knows it, he is standing in front of you.

You look up at him, surprised, confused, and a little embarassed look as you attempt to stand.

“Um, hello,” you say softly with a hint of timidity to it. He looks down at you and quickly juts out his gloved hand to you. You look at his hand, then back up at him and hesitantly take his hand. “Oh, thank you so much.” he helps you up, stares at you for a minute, and blinks a few times, then quickly tries to walk away. You watch him in surprise and quickly call out before he gets too far, “Oh, well, thank you for helping me up, Lars?”

He turns around when he gets to the end of your driveway and stares at you for a second, blinking again for a few seconds.

“Do you want help?” he blurts out softly 

“Wha... what? Help?” 

“With your driveway,” he states. I look behind me at the minimal progress I have made and feel bruises forming on my skin from the falling and slipping, but feel guilt form a knot in my stomach.

“Oh, you don't need to… I mean that’s very sweet of you to offer, but I mean I should be fine.” You say, giving him a polite smile with a shyness in your voice. He just stares at you, fiddling with his fingers and looking between his hands, you, and behind you. And you stand there looking at him and finally getting a good look at this man who you’d seen from afar so many times. His round jaw that makes his face look so soft and charming. The mole on the right side of his face near his temples and his eyes, how meticulously it seems his dirty blonde or maybe brown mustache is groomed, with the rest of his facial hair shaved down. His soft greyish blue eyes also have a kind of tired look in them. You knew he was tall, but now that he is standing in front of you, you see how tall he really is, but also how he shrinks into himself, trying not to appear as tall as he is. 

“I don’t mind so you don't hurt yourself,” he finally says after the long silence. You freeze for a moment; your cheeks burn with warmth that doesn’t fit with the cold air around you two at the sweetness of his reason to help.

“If it wouldn’t bother you at all, I would appreciate it. I'm not used to doing this; actually, it's my first time shoveling snow ever, and I underestimated it immensely, though I'm sure you could tell from me falling more than once,” I say nervously, giving him a nervous but appreciative smile. He looks up at you and smiles back at you with a nod and a couple of blinks. 

“I don’t mind.”

“Thank you.” You smile warmly at him at his response and pick up the shovel, handing it to him. 

He takes the shovel, and you move out of the way as he works. Heading inside, you keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t slip on the ice. As you watch him from inside, you notice how strong he is and how easily he is shoveling your driveway. I mean, it's not like it's hard to imagine him having some muscle, but enough to do this easily as he was; it was impressive and pretty enjoyable to watch.

I mean, he's objectively a very good looking man its not a crime to enjoy a nice-looking, incredibly sweet but shy man shoveling your driveway that you think you are forming a crush on, even though this is the first official meeting between you two. 

Lars, on the other hand, is smiling and humming to himself, very proud that he was able to do this and that you agreed to let him do this for you. You are just as sweet as he has imagined from his observations of you, and now meeting you and your consideration of him and his time makes him melt at the thought as he’s working. On top of that, you are so much more attractive up close than he thought you would be. Your pretty and kind eyes, warm smile, and gentle voice were mesmerising to see for him.

Soon he is finished, and you come out from the house as he is done and head over to him.

“Hey, thank you so much for doing this.” He jumps at hearing your voice, not hearing you approach him, and he turns to look at you.

“You're welcome…” he blinks a few times. “How are you feeling?”

“How am I feeling?”

“When you fell?" You blink in surprise.

“Oh, I’m fine. I'm most likely gonna be sore tomorrow though,” you say with a slight blush and smile at him, and he nods, smiling back. “Hey, um… would you like to come in for a bit? Like to warm up with coffee, tea, or I could make you some hot cocoa if you’d like?” he blinks again and nods, and a small smile spreads across his face, and one is mirrored on yours.

“Ok, yeah, come on in then and don't mind the mess. I’m mostly done unpacking; no, it's just getting rid of the boxes.” You lead him inside, and as he steps in, it feels like he is being covered in a warm blanket fresh from the dryer. Not just from it being warmer inside than outside, but the feel of your home is so welcoming and just so you. It smells a little musty and old due to it being an older house and not a fresh new home, but with the scent of you being woven into every crevice of the home from your furniture that came in a moving truck a few days ago and the blankets and pillows that decorate it. 

You both begin to shed your winter garments at the door, hanging them up, and you head into the kitchen to make the drinks.

“So what would you like? Tea, coffee, or hot cocoa, or really anything; I just figured you know after all that hard work out there in the cold you’d want something warm.” You say, looking over your shoulder at him, seeing him look around your home following you and blinking a few times 

‘Cute,’ you think to yourself.

“Cocoa would be fine,” he says softly.

“I'll get working on that then. Feel free to take a seat and get comfortable,” you smile over at him and grab the supplies needed for making the cocoa while he sits at one of the chairs next to the table in the kitchen. 

There is a comfortable silence that sits between you two as you get the cocoa ready, and as you are preoccupied with that, Lars gets the chance to watch you move around your space, and it feels like seeing something he shouldn’t have, yet seeing you move around and making him a drink in your kitchen while he sits there and watches your movements with how relaxed they seem and he immediately softens and thinks its one of the most beautiful things he has ever witnessed. 

You walk in with two cups of hot cocoa and a kind smile as you place the cup on the table in front of him.

“Thank you again for shoveling my driveway. You know what's funny is that I don’t think we have ever properly introduced ourselves, but Gus and Karin have talked to me about you,  so I do know who you are,” you state your name and smile warmly at him.

He smiles back and takes a sip of the cocoa. And you begin, talking about anything and nothing and everything in between, and he joins in talking with you till you both get lost in conversation for hours, and it is the easiest conversation you think you have had in a while with another person. As it gets later into the day, and the cups become empty and long forgotten, the chime of your clock brings both of you out of the conversation bubble you have put yourselves in. Realizing the time, Lars jumps up and heads to the door, putting on his coat and other winter gear as you get up, bringing the cups to the sink before meeting him back at the door.

“Thank you again for helping me earlier,” you say softly as he looks back at you.

“It was no problem.” he smiles and blinks at you, and you smile sweetly, thinking it's such a cute habit. As he was leaving out the door, he turned back to you. “I had a good time. Would you like to have dinner tomorrow with Karin, Gus, Ellie, and me?” he says, hopeful and nervously fearing that you will say no.

“Yes, yes, I would love to, too. I also had a great time today.” You say excitedly and hopeful as well, not wanting to come off desperate or too excited to be around him, but honestly, he is the same way. 

“Yeah… ok. Bye,” he smiles and gives you a small wave and walks back home with a wide grin.

“Bye! See you tomorrow!” you call out to him as he walks away, grinning just as big as the buzzing excitement of tomorrow, seeing him again settles in.

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