Like don't get me wrong, the book one is good (the idea of Grace having to spend multiple days locked up stewing about how he's gonna die before they even knock him out is deliciously angsty, as is Stratt's last attempt to beg him to understand why she has to do this) but fuck.

He like literally starts climbing the walls.

Like he came in there relatively composed. He had a rationalisation for what he was going to do, he probably rehearsed his little speech. He's putting the walls up because he knows he's not doing The Right Thing, but he doesn't want to let on that he knows that. He's probably pretending to himself as much as Stratt. He's doing it For The Kids.

And then the switch to just pure, animal terror when the doctor comes in. Like there's a degree of comedy to it. Grace is always slightly goofy, slightly immature (probably why his students like him so much) and now he's climbing and running like a kid playing tag. Except its not a game and it's not working.

Eva's tone when she tells him to “sit down, we'll do it different”. Like I know I'm murdering you, I know that you're not capable of seeing this any other way, but please at least see sense and spare yourself the trauma of having to be literally dragged kicking and screaming. Please.

The resignation when she says “he's running.” Like, she doesn't have to say who's running, or why. She knew this was a possibility. She knew this was a likely possibility but why couldn't he just fucking be the guy she needs him to be? Doesn't he know how hard this is??

The realisation that, if Carl is by the fence, then it's probably because they were concerned that Grace might actually outrun the guards and would need to be ambushed. The possibility that Carl specifically is there because, in that scenario, Grace would be more easy to catch if he trusted his pursuer.

Like I think one reason I'm attached to Ryland Grace is that I honestly couldn't tell you that I wouldn't behave like that in that scenario. Like sure, we all like to say we'd bravely sacrifice ourselves for humanity, but like it's not like I'm currently chaining myself to rainforest trees or throwing soup at paintings in museums or kidnapping oil execs or whatever it is I'm supposed to do. I don't even really attend protests.

There are significantly more things that I could be doing right now to make the world a better place that I don't do because they would involve upending my life and putting myself at more personal risk than I am comfortable with. I have no room to judge Ryland Grace.