I feel like I’ve been into like a pity party for me for like the past year or so bitch it’s been going on for three years and you know what really sucks is this is not me like I’m not the type of person to have a pity party I’m the type of person to figure out OK let’s figure out shit like let’s let’s think about something else But it’s like I’ve been so disappointed for so long that I just like. I’m feeling my disappointment. OK I’m so sorry I’m watching like the new show on HBO but like I’ve been feeling like very terrible and like I just had a conversation with one of my closest with my only closest friend because she was my only friend at the moment and it’s just like I feel like she’s tired of me feeling this way which really sucks because it’s like when everyone goes through their stuff it takes me a while to go through my stuff so like when I’m like talking about the stuff that I’m going through they already processed the fuck that I should’ve been over the stuff that I’m going through Booty cheeks sometimes I think she lies to me and it hurts because I’ve never lied to her. I mean, yeah I’ve never lied to her like I would not tell her things at the moment, but to her particularly I’ve never lied to her and I kind of hurts because, that person has like that person has like open things for me into like acknowledging when people lie to me or when people joke with me or when people take me for an idiot and it really hurts because I like being oblivious to things I really did like being oblivious to things And another thing too it kind of sucks a lot for me to acknowledge the fact that the person that I’m really really close friends with is kinda like values women companionship, and it’s not like she can’t sit there and be like oh Fadilah like I don’t know like maybe she thinks that she can depend on me as a friend because I’m not at the moment that she is what is just like she can do like I’m willing to do things for her. She’s never the thing is she has never ever asked me to do things for her the only, she asked me to do something for her school. I can understand why she feels like I’m a failure. I don’t know. I feel like lately. I’ve been like really shitty of a friend which really sucks because I’ve always been a good friend but lately I’ve been like I know, I’m telling you 2022 to 2023 2024. I started becoming a better friend a little bit like 2022 to 2023 to like the beginning of 2024. I was a shitty friend honestly, I feel like the whole three years. I’ve been shitty as a friend. I’ve been very fucking shitty and I know because of what I’m going through right now. I have been a really shitty ship friend and I know it has a lot to do with like my addiction right now that I’m dealing with right now and he hast to do with like my trauma and shit but it sucks and sometimes I just wanna like delete myself from all of them and I think I think that is what I am going to do. I think that is what I’m going to do. I don’t know. I know I know it’s really really really sucks for me to say this but it’s just like I just need to leave. I need to leave all of them like I need to leave For a while and I think that is what I am going to do and I think the money that I am going to say from that job is I’m going to get my degree and I am going to find a job but not in the York, even though I am going to go find my ID and everything and I’m going to try to persuade my father to give me my own phone line, but I think I am by summertime. I am going to leave I have to leave. I cannot do this no more. I’m gonna like you know do the fuck right now. I think I am going to leave them right now and I can do this anymore. yeah I cannot do this anymore so Laugh, laugh, laugh laugh laugh because I am laughing, but oh God this is so long. I’m not even gonna read what I I’m not gonna read it but I’m doing this on voice note so I mean Voice so I’m not gonna read none of this I’m going to leave. I can’t do this, it says September 1 that is beautiful. I don’t know who touched it but that’s that’s cute. It’s a clock and I think somebody touched i
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