Divine Nomad

JLO is turning 50 in July and shares a few things about reinventing herself in a 5 steps. 

Tip 1: Age is just a number. Do as much as you can while you are still alive. Don’t let age stop you!

Tip 2: Ask for help. Apply what you learn in self- help books and think positive.  

Tip 3: Don’t apologize from where you are. 

Tip 4: Start small. Everything falls in place after that. 

Tip 5: Take care of yourself. Check in often. 

It takes Courage to Go For Your Dreams! 

It has been a while. I’m almost like a virgin again. Because of this I need somebody understanding and patient cause the cat at the corner store who tries to get the panties not thinking about my feelings.

I need someone who will be gentle on round 1, freaky on round 2, rough on round 3 and wide open on round 4. Someone who will push me passed my experiences.

Been feeling a bit emotional lately which tends to lead to excessive oversharing on the internet. I’m aware enough to recognize my spiral and can manage to jump off in time. I have this bad habit of isolating myself when I’m depressed or trying to work something out. Problem is I’ve been isolated for over 6 years and nothing has worked out. Being isolated changes something internally that is difficult to express or touch.

I’ve noticed that when I’m in a space as I am today, I know I should connect externally but it scares me to paralysis. I know I need connection during this time or my life but I fear being misunderstood. People tend to want to fix, which is understandable I guess, when sometimes just understanding is more than enough. I think having this understanding is another reason I don’t question people when they share with me. I receive it and validate their feelings because it’s what I would want in return. Unfortunately, I’m surrounded by people who crave information and answers.

I don’t have any answers. I just know I need help. My counselor told me not to be a martyr and just allow myself to be a hot mess. That’s probably the hardest assignment ever as I’ve trained myself to practice restraint at all costs. I mean I see and expose cracks at the most unopportuned times.

I have a panel interview next week and honestly don’t know if I should do it right now. I feel like I would expose my cracks by rambling. My spirit is telling me to wait and ask to be considered for the next month. But I also don’t want to mismanage the opportunity.

I’m in a business accelerator course and I honestly feel lost. Again, I’m hella grateful and thankful for the opportunity but I’m overwhelmed. I don’t even know where to start a spirit based business when my spirit feels fractured most of the time.

I was watching a show called Love after Lockup and I deeply understood the prisoners (strangely enough I always do) feelings of being overwhelmed by these women (and men) smothering and demands immediately upon release. The idea of getting acclimated to the free world is more than enough and to then no longer have that structure to ground and guide you daily can have a motherfucker airy as hell.

Writing this reminded me of a volunteer opportunity I’ve wanted to explore a couple of years ago that might just help fill me up. I know I need to heal and be okay with changing into a totally different me, which scares me but I know it’s time (overdue actually). As I reclaim my time, I also must honor that time is relative yet necessary to healing and transformation.