diverguy

Haven't been on here in a while. Not really sure what I'm doing. I met the most amazing person and we both agreed to wait to start something because the timing isn't right but my heart feels like its crumbling. I love her and I feel like I'm being used or neglected and I realize how hard this is for both of us being super busy with life and being so far apart but I don't want to lose her. I've only used the word love in 3 relationships in 10 years even though I've been with probably 20 people just not able to settle down and now that I want to it's not working out again. It seems like life loves to play jokes on me. Here, lets just dump an amazing girl in your life and then fuck everything else up. 

I don't really have anyone to talk to at the moment and I just need to vent. I fell in love with someone a couple years ago. More than anyone else ever, except we didn't live close. And it all started fine but then she stopped talking and I stopped trying to talk and it was this gradual drift apart. Now I'm back home and I still have those feelings and I see her all the time and we talk and it will seem like we are fine and the next moment I've somehow pissed her off and I just don't know what to do. I wish I knew what she felt or was thinking or if she would just tell me "its been too long, it's over" not this mind fuck I have now.

Love is horrible for me. I fall in love with all sorts of people, older, younger, but for some reason I can't stay with someone. My feelings never disappear but something always happens. I fell in love with someone two years ago and I thought I had moved on and she came up in a conversation and I realized just how much I missed her. The problem is is that it is an impossible relationship. She is in a different city, in a different life. I have dated since her, I have loved people since her, but I can never forget her. This reason alone seems to destroy my relationships because whenever she comes up my emotions get all thrown out of whack and I'm not sure how I feel about anyone anymore and my current relationship (if I am in one) starts to fall apart.