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Cultures of domination rely on the cultivation of fear as a way to ensure obedience. In our society we make much of love and say little about fear. Yet we are obsessed with the notion of safety. Yet we do not question why we live in states of extreme anxiety and dread. Fear is the primary force up-holding structures of domination. It promotes the desire of separation, the desire not to be known. When we are taught that safety lies always with sameness, then difference, of any kind, will appear as a threat. When we choose to love we choose to move against fear- against alienation and separation. To choice to love is a choice to connect- to find ourselves in the other.

Living by a love ethic we learn to value loyalty and a commitment to sustained bonds over material advancement.

As children, conflict was often the setting for put-downs and humiliation, the place when we were shamed.

Simply taking responsibility does not mean that we can prevent discriminatory acts from happening. But we can choose how we respond to acts of injustice. Taking responsibility means that in the face of barriers we still have the capacity to invent our lives, to shape our destinies in ways that maximize our well-being.

When we are positive we not only accept and affirm ourselves, we are able to affirm and accept others.

Affirmations helped restore my emotional equilibrium. Self-acceptance is hard for many of us. There is a voice inside that is constantly judging, first ourselves and then others. That voice enjoys the indulgence of an endless negative critique. Because we have learned to believe negative is more realistic, it appears more real than any positive voice.

Many people find it helpful to critically examine the past, particularly childhood, to chart their internalization of messages that they were not worthy, not enough, that they were crazy, stupid, monstrous, and so on.

Self-love cannot flourish in isolation.

When we hear another person’s thoughts, beliefs, and feelings, it is more difficult to project on to them our perceptions of who they are. It is harder to be manipulative.

Lies and secrets burden us and cause stress.

Creating a false self to mask fears and insecurities has become so common that many of us forget who we are and what we feel underneath the pretense.

Usually, secrecy involves lying. And lying is always the setting for potential betrayal and violation of trust.

While privacy strengthens all our bonds, secrecy weakens and damages connection.

In our culture privacy is often confused with secrecy. (…) Keeping secrets is usually about power, about hiding and concealing information.

I could not imagine bringing a child into this world whose father might reject him or her because he did not desire a child in the first place.

To demystify the meaning of love, the art and practice of loving, we need to use sound definitions of love when talking with children, and we also need to ensure that loving action is never tainted with abuse.