( * RECURRING DREAM! )

“Fuck, no, I-” The feeling of shame seems to break through her racing thoughts, just a little bit. Why? She isn’t sure. He was a stranger, they’d never met before and they probably wouldn’t meet again. She sits up, runs a hand through disheveled hair, green eyes watching him for a moment and squinting in the darkness of the room. “I’m sorry, I’m not usually like this.” Anna’s voice carries a bit of a calmer tone, not enough to make her sound steady but slightly less panicked than before. “You definitely… don’t have to stick around here.”

EXPRESSION ON HER FACE BEGINS TO SOFTEN AT HIS REACTION. ally’s come to see the pure panic on various faces over the years at the mention of getting treatment. no matter how many times she’s been in that position before and had to be the one to put her foot down for the sake of her own relationships, having someone react that negatively to such a threat wasn’t a reaction that she was able to get used to. arms cross against her chest at his defiance about getting the help james so desperately needs. she doesn’t bother to respond to his comment, however, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of acknowledgement. if anything, his words could be used to only further prove her point.

“——you do realize that it’s nonchalant statements like that one that makes me want to call the police, right? has that thought crossed your mind before?” ally will be damned if she allows another person that’s close to her to disappear like their life never mattered. that wasn’t going to be happening on her watch no matter how desperate his pleas were to not be sent back to a place like that. she barely even blinks at his ranting and raving as she stands there, arms lowering down to her sides to offer a more open approach to the situation. he’s scared; ally can understand that. “you know what i want from you, james? i want you you to stop makin’ excuses about horrible those places are and the fact they push the pills on you because maybe, just maybe, you NEED them to live a happy life. not all of those treatment centers are horrible. we can find you a decent place.”

thinking about the time james gave one of this MTV awards trophies (the moonman) to his coke dealer because he didn’t have cash on him but wanted the coke

“ I don’t know, some of them were good. Like―definitely at least a couple. ”  She finds herself grinning alongside him.  “ It didn’t matter, though. You liked them, and I liked listening to you sing. ”  It was when he seemed his most genuine.  “ I figured there was probably more to it. ”  You can’t have that many similar, circulating rumors and have none of them rooted in the truth.

“ Yeah, I was kind of able to figure that out too, and for what it’s worth, I’m glad that you got out, and… I don’t know everything that happened, but from what you did tell me, you deserved to do whatever was going to make you happy. You… deserve to be happy, and I’m excited to see you tonight. ”

What is your name? “James Alasdair Innes. Hate my middle name, though.”

Do you know why you were named that? "Yeah, me mum was a big fan of Paul McCartney, and y’know how his name is actually James Paul McCartney? Well, now you do. And of course, my older brother is Paul. She thought it was the funniest shite ever that she got away with naming us that. If she’d had another boy, God only fuckin’ knows what she would’ve named him.”

Single or taken? “I’m married, mate. To the most beautiful man in the world, Lorcan. Jealous? Yeah, you should be.”

Stop being a Mary Sue! “What, you callin’ me a fuckin’ sissy?”

What’s your eye color? “I don’t know, actually. Sometimes people say blue, sometimes people say green. Depends on my mood, I guess.”

How about hair color? “It’s bleached to fuckin’ oblivion right now, as you can see. I think naturally it’s a sort of light brown color? It’s been so long, so who the fuck knows.”

Have you any family members? “Yeah, Paul, my older brother. He’s in the band too, y’know? Well, most people forget. You can go fuckin’ bug him instead of me for a change.”

Oh, how about pets? “We’ve got two cats at home. I like dogs, but cats are so much easier to deal with, y’know? Lorcan and I went to the RSPCA and we couldn’t decide on which cat to adopt so I got this kitten with one blue eye and one yellow eye, and I called him Bowie. Lorcan insisted on getting this old, grumpy cat who’d been there for a while and no one else would adopt him. We called him Jagger. I love them both to death.”

Now tell me something you don’t like. “Interviews. Journos like you. What? Just bein’ honest, mate.”

Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do? “I fuckin’ love drawing. I have this sketchbook I carry around with me all the time. I wish I had more time to actually color my sketches, and I miss painting, too. I actually talked the record company into lettin’ me do the design for the next album cover and sleeve, so that’ll be a riot, I’m sure.”

Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before? ”Yeah, I suppose I have. I’m only human.”

Ever … killed anyone before? “No, but fuck knows I’ve fantasized about it lots of times.”

Name your worst weaknesses? “Christ, I don’t know. I’m not a very good judge of myself or my behavior. Ask any of the fuckin’ band guys, they’ll have a list longer than fuckin’ Tolstoy or whatever his name is. I guess--- well, I’ll say that I’m infamous for being a workaholic and Paul says I’m a terror in the studio. I will say I have fired a few producers in my time.”

Do you look up to anyone at all? “Yeah, ‘course. Paul McCartney, like I mentioned earlier. And David Bowie, of course--- a huge inspiration for me when I was a teenager. Andy Partridge is another one, I just love the way he writes his songs. Edwyn Collins, a good mate and a brilliant songwriter as well. There’s a whole host of wonderful people I’m forgetting right at the moment.”

Are you straight, gay or bisexual? “Why limit myself to either blokes or birds? Life’s too short.”

Do you go to school? “Nah. I used to go to the University of Glasgow, but I dropped out. Not too broken up about that.’

Ever want to marry and have kids one day? “Yeah, I’m married, and I’d like to adopt a child with Lorcan, someday. But at the moment, touring and being away from home for much of the year, it just wouldn’t work. I’ve always wanted to be a dad, though.”

Do you have fangirls/fanboys? “Do I ever.”

What are you most afraid of? “Saying the wrong city’s name when I’m on stage, to be completely honest. It’s hard to remember where the hell you are some days when you’re on tour.”

What do you usually wear? “I like to wear a lot of black, not intentionally, but I think it just suits me and it goes anything. I have been known to forget to do my laundry and just steal a shirt from the merch stand.”

What’s one food that tempts you? “Fuckin’ deep fried Mars bars. This makes me sound like the most stereotypical Weegie, but those are fuckin’ addictive.”

Am I annoying you? “Do you want the honest answer, or...?”

Well, it’s not over! “Christ. Well, let’s get on with it.”

What class are you (low class, middle class, high class)? “Low class, baby, low class. At least I’m not no class, like the Daily Mail.”

How many friends do you have? “It’s hard to tell who are your friends in this business, if I’m being honest.”

What are your thoughts on pie? “I love anything sweet. I’ve had three cavities because I’ll devour anything in sight that’s sweet. It’s so bad.”

Favorite drink? “I’m one of those fuckers who drinks scotch for the taste. Yeah, yeah, I didn’t believe that when I was younger, but I guess I’m gettin’ old now. But I’ll drink anything you put in front of me, honestly. Who the fuck am I to be picky?”

What’s your favorite place? “There’s a place in the Highlands, and I’m not going to say where it is ‘cause I don’t wanna blow my cover, but my mum used to take Paul and me there when we were little. And when I went back, it was just like I remembered, and when I go there, it makes me feel close to her. It sounds so fuckin’ corny, I know, but it’s a very special feeling.”

Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean? “The ocean. I don’t trust lakes. Don’t ask why.”

What’s your type? “I don’t think I really have one, honestly. I know someone’s attractive when I see them, and that’s that.”

Any fetishes? “Don’t ask questions you aren’t prepared to handle the answers to.’

Camping or indoors? “I don’t care for camping and I think people who willingly go out there for days or weeks are fuckin’ mad, but again, who am I to judge?”

“No, something’s wrong.”

Was it her high, her ever-present but slowly worsening paranoia, where she was that had her this way? Hands shaking, throat tight and her heart pounding out of her chest- perhaps it was the three factors combined. She’d lost track of some places she’d been, she felt as though she experienced them in third-person, whether because of dissociation or substances clouding her mind she couldn’t quite recall.  “I don’t… I don’t think I should be here.”

MOUTH OPENS TO ANSWER BUT NO WORDS COME OUT. while it might appear that james got the best of indigo with his brilliant question, indigo refuses to go down that easily, at least not without putting up a fight. it takes her a moment to think, but as soon as she begins to speak again, it’s clear from the tone of her voice that she regained her confidence. “why would you say something like that? i am candy and you’re girlfriend, you don’t have to word it like that.” she crossed her arms against her chest before speaking. “you seem awfully convinced that i’m not your girlfriend—— what’s going to stop you from saying i’m wrong even if i’m right?”