DISPATCHERSTUCK

You hadn’t seen her for three or four years. Vriska just disappeared after she got fired from the DISPATCHER job, and never ever texted you back. No one knows where she went, or what is she doing for a living (except for stealing the light bulbs) 

John: vriska?? Vriska: No, your mom! John: where have you been?! Vriska: John, I’m fucking 8leeding  Vriska: And you only care a8out where have I been???????? John: well, i’m a little bit overwhelmed!

Vriska sat on the floor, rolling her eye very aggressively. She beckoned you with her hand.  Sitting on the dirty-dusty old attic floor wasn’t the best idea. You winced.

Poor pajamas of yours! But disobeying Vriska wouldn’t be any better, so you sat right in front of her.

John: so, uhm, vriska… umm… Vriska: Pull yourself together, John! What are you even doing in my Afficial Truly Ta8ooed Incredi8le Camp? John: your what??? Vriska: ATTIC, you dum8head. John: wait, are you living in the attic?!  Vriska: John, do you know what the word “Ta8ooed” means???????? Vriska: we Vriska: dont Vriska: talk Vriska: a8out Vriska: it Vriska: !!!!!!!! John: okay, okay!!

You’re two both sit in silence. You don’t really know what to say, except some basic stuff like “WHY ARE YOU IN THE FRICKIN’ ATTIC” or “HAVE LONG HAVE YOU’VE BEEN HERE” etc.

You’re not gonna die here! Too bad that your hands are trembling and you don’t have time to turn on the flashlight. So you grab some random hammer that one of the laborers left on the floor and THROW IT in the source of noises!

Take that, stupid rat! You can hear the level-up sound almost.

Or it’s just rats swearing??

Rat?: SH8T!!!!!!!! John: shit!! John: i mean John: sorry, uhm… John: some rat-person? John: no, no, wait, it’s rude John: um... Rat???: John, stop! John: OKAY RAT LADY RAT LADY????: I’M GONNA MAKE A RAT LADY OUT OF YOU

You grab your phone and finally decide to turn on a flashlight.

Click!

Oh shit. Rose was right all along - the attic is a truly spiderest of spider nests of a place.

Right in front of you standing VRISKA SERKET of all people(and trolls!).

Good old and pretty scary attic.

You don’t know how you will get the heater out of there. But something inside of you is just screaming that it’ll work out. Somehow.

Climbing wasn’t so difficult thanks to your SUPER COOL MUSCLES and HEALTHY LIFESTYLE (a bunch of energy drinks doesn’t count! you’re actually working out. periodically). And now you are standing in the dark attic, trying to turn on the flashlight on your phone.

But wait! You hear something sneaking around in the corner.

Yes! You’re gonna pay for it so bad, cause Rose is never ever gonna let you forget about it, but now you can let yourself be happy for a minute.

Though you’re not very happy to see some rat or spider up here, you must do it! For your dear sister, to keep her safe and warm. And yourself, obviously.

You don’t wanna be a mean friend! You love Rose. But right now you just can’t stand a chance to understand any of her psychological-mathematical-and-who-knows-what-else concepts.You wanna go home, warm and cozy, make some tea, and then maybe you can ask Rose about her wonderful journey in predicting Vriska’s next steps. In text, of course.

John: so, where is the heater? John: and can I borrow it? Rose: I think we have some in the attic? Terezi: W3’R3 NOT GONN4 G1VE H1M 4 K3Y TO TH3 4TT1С Terezi: 1T’S ONLY FOR 3MPLOY33S John: pretty please? Terezi: NO

You look at Rose.

She looks at you.

You just made an unspoken deal with the devil. 

Rose: Terezi, didn't you hear strange noises over there the other day? Terezi: W3LL Y3S Terezi: BUT Terezi: 1 L1KE TH3M Rose: But what if rats settled in your apartment building? Terezi: YOU M34N TH3 APARTMENT BUILDING Rose: Yes Rose: And I think that John would be our best option for checking it. Terezi: I C4N DO 1T MYS3LF Rose: Terezi, you’re blind, how can you see any rats in the pitch black dark room? Terezi: SH1T YOU’R3 R1GHT. Terezi: BUT YOU C4N DO TH1S T- Rose: Hell no, I’m not gonna investigate this huge spider nest of a place.  Terezi: MHMGM Terezi: OK4Y  Terezi: JOHN, DON’T M4K3 M3 R3GR3T 1T. 4ND NO T3LL TO L4NDLORD 3NGL1SH.

There is a half empty bottle under Rose’s desk.

Terezi: 1 W4S C4R3D 4BOUT W3LLB31NG OF OUR 4P4RTM3NT BU1LD1NG, 4ND 4LSO I SM3LL3D TH3 ROT Terezi: 4ND YOU 4S 4 D1SP4TCH3R NUMB3R TWO SHOULD B3 TH1NK1NG TH3 S4M3 W4Y! Rose: I do care. In fact, I just constructed this TOTALLY ACCURATE EXACT PLAN WHEN AND WHERE WILL VRISKA ATTACK NEXT! Rose: You see.. Terezi: NO 1 DON’T Rose: No you don’t. So, I summed up all of the places where the light bulbs were stolen and correlated it with the time when it happened. And there was an interconnection! 

That’s why you love Rose Lalonde so much. She is always so passionate when the deal comes to very strange things! Like tentacle monsters from outer space, gothic kindergarten vampire workers, or unrealistic losses of light bulbs. Even though she tries to hide it everytime.

But you have been best friends since childhood, so you can always say when she gets excited.

Rose: She's smarter than we thought. Hard to agree, but I definitely underestimated her.  Terezi: ROS3, SHUT UP 4ND S4Y 4LR3ADY WH3N 4ND WH3R3 Rose: next Saturday, fifth floor. See, there is such a thing as serial correlation, in which… Terezi: NO 1 DONT S33 Rose: No you don't. So, by rational choice theory we can agree on-

And by being best friends since childhood you can always say when Rose gets obsessed.

You went to the DISPATCHER room.

Terezi, as usual, was sitting in front of her desk, with all of the dispatcher stuff and things for dispatchers. 

Somehow she manages to write out so many (MANY!) plans for catching Vriska alive, but to this day it continues to never really work that well. You wonder, will this never-ending circle of mutual humiliation ever stop?

She looks tired as hell. 

John: terezi! how are y- Terezi: WH4T DO YOU N33D, JOHN? John: oh, okay, you wanna get to the point already John: i thought that our beloved DISPATCHER can share some HEATER, you know? Since our flat is kinda… Terezi: COLD 4S TH1S OLD GUY WHO’S BODY ROT 1N OUR B3LOV3D 4P4RTM3NT BU1LD1NG FOR TWO D4YS UNT1L I BR3AK 1NTO H1S DOOR 4ND F1ND H1M D34D?  John: terezi please don't remind me about this! it was Jade’s grandfather. and mine too. and he died all alone! Terezi: I S4W 1T. Terezi: 1 S4W TH3 BODY 3GB3RT. Terezi: H3 D13D WH1L3 YOU W3R3 H4PP1LY D1GG1NG SOM3 POT4TO3S 4T YOUR LOV3LY D4CH4. John: i wasn’t happy at all! 

She's smiling at you.

Rose: I guess we’re not gonna mention that about ten year old Terezi sneaked into some old man's flat?

Yes, you will get out of the house. But at last you will look into the eyes of these little guys.

FROGS.

No one invited them to your apartment, you especially. And it’s kinda bold of them to keep hanging out in your house, as if it’s some fancy public place. 

It is still a huge mystery how they even got here. One day a bunch of frogs just appeared, and never left since.

Stupid frogs!

> Terezi: be John.

Your name is JOHN EGBERT, and you haven’t been very well for the past few years. University stuff, family problems, saving the world from time to time. As always.

For now you’re living with your sister, doing practically nothing all day, mindlessly playing on an old shitty XBOX 360. Your character has just fallen into lava.

And you are TOTALLY BORED.

What will you d-...

Jade: john! John: what? Jade: stop playing minecraft!! please!!! Jade: youve been playing it since this morning!!!!

This is your sister, JADE HARLEY. It seems like she just returned home after her NUCLEAR PHYSICS classes. Under some unfortunate circumstances, you thought that it was still morning outside of the window. Time travel as it is! Maybe Dave is involved.

Anyway, you already got tired from this stupid but very wonderful and catchy and also creative game and wanted to take a break.

John: how was your da-a-aAAA

You stumbled upon a bunch of empty energy drinks. When did it become so big?! Yuck. This place is definitely in need of a good ol’ general cleaning. And why is it so cold? 

Even carpets on the walls are not helping at all. 

There is something croaking in the corner, but you don’t want to think about it too much. 

John: it’s cold Jade: im feeling just fine! and my frog friends too:) John: aren't they supposed to feel good in these conditions? John: jade, are you a frog actually? Jade: croak. John: I’m gonna respect that

Central heating will not be turned on before winter, so there is no other choice but to FIND A HEATER.

And who else can have such treasure, if not DISPATCHER of the APARTMENT BUILDING herself?

You licked the writing and almost started to hate the yellow color.

Embarrassment and shame were only two words that can describe your feelings right now. You cringed, merely shaking and immediately bouncing off that awful, totally disgusting, YOUR OLD FANFICTION.

How can she do such atrocities? Why is she such an awful being that can so easily bring someone’s crappy old fanfiction from their repressed memories?! 

How did she even write it in this tiny text?! 

You are full of rage. 

Vriska won’t get away with it.

That was the last drop.

> END OF PROLOGUE

Enough flashbacking, you think. It’s time for work!

There is so much evidence, and you can feel the sweet victory on your tongue already. Just a little bit of MASTERMINDING and then a small stupid spider is gonna get stuck under a glass jar of yours.

It’s your best work yet. You would totally be an artist if DISPATCHERITY wasn't a passion of yours.

Aaand you’re getting distracted again.  > Examine the stairwell.

> Examine the stairwell.

You examine the stairwell. Some dearly beloved walls are those!

Nothing too strange here. As always there is another missing light bulb plus very stupid writing on the wall. At first, it’s nothing to investigate, but you’d be damned if JUSTICE can’t get established.

Something not so simple in those words of your spider NOT-friend... You lean in closer, sniffing the paint. And you were right! 

THERE ARE WORDS. 

INSIDE OF WORDS THERE ARE MORE WORDS.

TINY LITTLE WORDS IN EACH FRICKIN’ LETTER. 

WORDS MADE OF WORDS!!!

It was her destiny.

Dave: so Dave: me n karkat making pancakes  Dave: wanna join or Karkat: WE HAVE JAM  Terezi: Y3S PL34S3 John: ooh, i would like to! Dave: ok let’s come down to our apartment 

Pancakes it is.

And so Terezi began to plan her hellish and super cool capture of Vriska just after a wonderful breakfast with pancakes in the lovely company of her friends. 

...

...

While Dave was bursting into laughter like some suffocating animal and Karkat with John were discussing the ElevatorProblem™, Terezi was not livin’ la vida loca.

There was an intruder in her APARTMENT BUILDING. Brazen troublemaker. Stupid piece of shit of a person.

And when tenants are in need of JUSTICE…

Terezi: …TH3N TH3Y’LL H4V3 M3. Dave: tez who are u talking with Terezi: 1T DO3SN’T M4TTER D4VE I’M GONNA M4K3 H3R P4Y John: isn’t it kinda mean to suppose that it was a woman?? Terezi: DON’T B3 STUP1D JOHN Karkat: DON’T BE STUPID JOHN Dave: don’t be stupid john John: aw :(

There are people (and trolls, apparently)standing in the STAIRWELL. They all live in the same APARTMENT BUILDING, being one of the few must-protect-tenants-slash-friends of TEREZI.

Karkat, as expected, was in a bad mood for life, but now he is even frownier than always. His face had turned into some kind of a tomato-like abomination, and his voice was trembling. John and Dave, on the contrary, were just staring with some confusion and a little bit of amazement.

With that being said, something was clearly off. A few moments ago these three guys stumbled upon a lack of ramps in a stair flight.

John: poor tavros. he’s gonna miss them so much Karkat: HE’S GONNA FUCKING DIE WITHOUT THEM!!! John: well, he can just take the elevator? Karkat: THERE IS NO FUCKING ELEVATOR. IT’S BEEN BROKEN FOR LIKE Karkat: A VERY SHITTY ETERNITY. John: oh! Dave: dude Dave: what the  John: what Dave: i’m so losing it rn John: it’s a healthy lifestyle, karkat! 

Dave: bring roses to my grave i’m literally dying 

And you still don’t understand how she fucking managed to steal ALL OF THE RAMPS. 

Thief of Light. Your best enemy, your worst friend. 

She’s been stealing light bulbs for the past few months, and gog knows what she's even doing with them. 

Her name will be cursed for eternity with all of the worst adjectives ever imaginable, all of the portraits of her you will burn to the ground even if it’s some digital art commission of an OC. There will be no mercy at all.

Such a shame. She sneaked right in front of you AGAIN, like you're not SUPER COOL AND THE BEST OF THE BESTEST IN THE DISPATCHERITY ARTS.