This dread follows me in every part of my life, as if my interests are something to be embarrassed about sharing. As if the way I want to dress defies what other people think of my personality when meeting me. As if people are staring because the outfit I’m wearing doesn’t suit their taste no matter how simple. Like I’m just interesting enough to be publicly stared down at, yet never enough to stand out. I feel like I’m not allowed to have basic bodily functions, as if when I talk about my issues, mentally or physically, I’m not allowed to have them. I’m not allowed the human experience in the eyes of other people because it shapes my identity in an unpleasant way that gives me too much personality or baggage. I hardly feel allowed to have a personality unique to myself in most environments because that would be too identifying. To fit in, I need to be a mold that can be shaped…and yet I am none of what people want me to be, and hesitant to step up and with confidence say that yes, this is me. This is who I am and what I am absolutely definitely known for. And it upsets me because I feel like if I was anybody else, I wouldn’t be this way. I’d be able to fit into everyone's cracks perfectly and cure what they were missing in life. I’d be able to lead a life that fulfilled me emotionally with plenty of wiggle room for even the mistakes I’m making now, but only if I were just about anybody else.