Baked Fresh with Magic :)

Doing PBNs has been a great stress relief for me ever since I picked it up. But sometimes I need a break. Whenever I took a break though I just found myself slipping into my regular habits because I was taking myself out of the thing that keeps my mind occupied. Sssooo, I had to do something else. Everyone knows I love writing. So naturally that's always a remedy that has been thrown around. I've tried keeping a journal, I think there's a good 3 or 4 started ones scattered across my room-started but never finished. I personally never understood why journaling was recommended. If I struggle with my mental health day to day, why do I want a record of it? Do I really need to write about the fact that I stayed in bed all day doing absolutely nothing? To me that just makes it worse. I tried short story journaling but...they don't give me enough space! Don't y'all know if you give me a world limit that I will go back and edit what I have written to fit because I probably went over? Hello, it's me. But, I think I've finally found something that works. I've been keeping a recipe journal. Anything I see scrolling through FB that looks interesting I save and write down later. I'm physically writing, the subject is useful, and I actually get excited about it because food is my life and a new entry is a new thing to try. I have about 20 recipes in it so far. I know I have lots more to add. If you have any recipes you want to share, please do! And don't worry, even if your recipe isn't plant based-I can write it in as such. Appetizers, entrees, desserts and drinks, I want it all! And if you've been looking for something to do and nothing else has stuck, give it a go. I got this hard cover book for less than $10 at target. It has more pages filled out than any of those journals. I'm going to incorporate it into a New Years challenge to cook more. I used to love cooking. And I like to think I'm pretty good at it, us pastry kids still absorbed some culinary knowledge walking through the CCE ;) Between this, getting my room and car together before my mom and brother come, and planning out future meals-I'm prepping for 2018 in 2017. '18 will be my year, it's my turn 💪

So my mom and brother are coming to visit me in a couple weeks. Am I excited to see them here in Florida? Yes. But what I'm really excited for... To have an excuse to get my depressed lazy piece of shit ass together. My room hasn't been clean sinceeeeeee July of last year? There is literally trash in my room from god knows when. Can't tell you the last time I made my bed. I need to rent a steam vacuum to clean my carpets. It's legit. My bathroom was clean for a good chunk and then I started falling back into my ways and now that's a shit show again. And don't EVEN get me started on my car. It's embarrassing. Being a binge eater in a car is not fun. But now because I'm so concerned about looking ok and having everything in order I know that I will get it all done. And it's the beginning of the year-starting new and fresh. If I can just keep it going-just maybe that change of environment cliche will actually help

Even though I got home yesterday-I didn't have a time to be alone yet with Guinness' things since they came back after I left. I just can't believe he's gone. After all those years-just gone. And spending so much time in the kitchen it was so obvious. And I still haven't felt my grandma after all this time too. I just hate this last quarter of 2017. I hate it.

My dream last night involved being skinny again and having my dream boyfriend and a big lakefront house with a bunch of dogs. Remind me why I woke up?