"I'm in love with my car"

Bill rents the absolute cheapest suit he can find. It's got a hole or two and you can see the white shirt underneath so he colors the spots in with permanent marker.

During the vows he has to have his little paper with it all written down for him to read from.

his vows are full of references to Star Trek and overly flowery language. He calls you his "prince/princess" among other mideval endearment terms

When it's time for the kiss he just Goes For It. Presses your face I to his own. His tongue licks your lips. (Cmon Bill, there are children present...)

He's both so jittery and so overconfident at the same time.

He trips over both your feet and his own when you two dance. One hand on your ass at all times. Nose in your neck, practically sniffing you.

If your wedding serves alcohol Bill is gonna get so tipsy and say some extra extra out of pocket shit.

In different intervals during the wedding, family members shoot you concerned looks. "THIS man? This is the one?" But yes. You nod back to them. Thia is MY specific, beat up, dirty fish I found in the sea.

back at the hotel after the festivities the man is alllllll over you. I do mean all over you. The "do not disturb" sign is hanging on the doorknob and the people in the room over will need to wear earplugs to sleep.