Smoke and mirrors

❝The HQ looks quiet tonight. Well… I can hear the laughs and screams from some grunts outside the building, but I’ll try to keep them in the line tomorrow…❞

Damn kids threw that word around like a baseball, didn’t they?

Not that it didn’t have merit- he was the best uncle out there…at least between the choices. Proton was, what, maybe second on the basis that you could get a neat shiny knife out of him. Archer fell down the uncle ladder so hard the stick in his ass might puncture a couple vitals. 

He gave Dana a well earned head pat. 

Welp, there went his knees. 

“Goddit, goddit.” He’s perfectly happy being at the bottom of the command chain. Not about to go around screwing that up.

Oichi-san and Muneshige had the better heads for strategy during the war, but no one could say Hiroiie was bad at following them. “Y’need me t’play bate? Or ‘m Ah th’ ‘xample?” If there was a traitor, he needed to be dealt with. Even Oda-sama’s armies might have toppled if a piece went missing.

“Lil bit ‘a both. Basically your story is that you were going off talkin’ to the wrong sort and we dumped your body, except the person meetin’ with our suspected rat was your partner that wants the information you died for to be carried on. It’s a real tear jerker production. Could win an Oscar.” Except then they would have to dispose of the entire movie going population. Maybe his talents were wasted in crime. 

“Hikari!” The Eevee’s nails clack on the floor as she arrives. “’Ere. Ch’w ohn dis.” She looks at the shirt, Hiroiie, and the shirt again before taking a mouthful and nibbling diligently. Where was Tsuyo when Hiroiie needed him? He’d never turn down a perfectly good meal.

“Where’n we goin’ Ah needs ta look li’ Ah bee’ dead fer?”

“Last I checked, corpses don’t ask questions.” Or people who asked questions ended up corpses. Words belonged in some order, but fuck if he knew which way was right.

@disguyses

“C’n Ah ditch th’ shirt?” It’d match more for the dead look Petrel’s going for. Really shirts are just uncomfy and difficult to wear.

“How many corpses you see without a shirt? Ribs would me a nice touch, but there’s gotta be a reason for it.” Maybe parts torn off for a rodent feasting look, but it wasn’t like he had anything a Rattata could really chew on. 

Okay now follow me. Hear me out

Please imagine if petrel and Archer were related

“I’m sorry there, but the only Black hair girl in this department is my kid… and she doesn’t fit any other part of that description.” Espeically considering his kid was way to young to even consider smoking.

“Sorry to disappoint you but i’m on the science team, but I can try to help look if you need it.”

“Aw, nah, it’s fine. It’s nothing urgent or anything: she just owes me a pack of smokes. The longer it takes to run into her, the more interest I can charge. Thanks, though.” 

“Hey, doc, I’m looking for a girl in your department. Black hair, usually in a bun, glasses, tall, followed around by a magnemite, smokes?”

A pause.

I consider myself friends with one guy. I have no idea what his name is. He calls me temp (like temporary worker). I just know him as dorag guy from assembly

Lots of people speaking in their native tongues to each other and swapping back and forth all the time it's really nice. Non native speakers pick up on things and the native speakers light up. I wished a girl happy birthday in Spanish and my co worker was like : D!

I don't think anyone really knows anyone's name that doesn't work in their department. There's one guy at work everyone just calls cheeseburger. That's his name now. The one guy I do know is Bob.

Bob has a fake rubber chicken on one of the shift levers of his fork lift

So much gossip