Just a small town film geek looking for her voice.

I do not think that there is a person alive, who does not know the name Robin Williams. Known for the joy and laughter he spread through his work, and the tragic, shocking story of his demise. 

When you hear the name Robin Williams, what springs to mind? Mrs. Doubtfire, Alan Parish, Mork, Genie? Usually your thoughts go straight to his most heartwarming, funny, and comforting characters. Rarely does one think of RW and think of “What Dreams May Come.” For me, watching a serious RW film is always a little uncomfortable. It’s like looking at someone with a broken arm. Something is so obviously out of place, but the pain being displayed is obviously real. You want to look away, but can’t. 

“What Dreams May Come” is a story about family, death, grief and the hereafter. First the parents lose their children in a car accident. Four years later they’ve barely glued the pieces back together when RW’s character Dr. Christy Nielson also perishes in a car accident. We watch as his soul leaves his body, his acceptance of his death (with the help of his Heaven concierge Albert), and his entrance into his own personal paradise. All the while, his wife is left on Earth to be slowly consumed by her grief. “A whole family lost to car crashes”, I think is one of the saddest lines ever spoken. I know because of this movie, I always am extra cautious when I get behind the steering wheel of a car. 

As RW navigates his new Heaven, the landscape is made entirely of paint as he realizes he is in one of his wife’s paintings. The more he accepts and processes what has happened the more real his world becomes. Eventually he is reunited with his daughter, and he finds that being dead isn’t all that bad, other than missing his wife. 

Cut to, his wife Annie, is still on Earth, drowning in her grief. She simply cannot take the loss of her family, and kills herself. Up in heaven, when Albert breaks the news to Christy, he is thrilled, and asks when he can see her. Somberly, Albert hits Christy with the reality that he will never see her, because Annie has violated the natural order of things, and all suicides go to Hell. 

I have to admit, when I watched this movie for the first time, a few years after RW’s own suicide, I had to pause the movie. I wondered so many things. This movie had such a comforting way of explaining death, and what happens afterwards, that it made the thought of dying a little less scary. And who better to tell you that everything was going to be ok if you or someone you loved passes away than Robin Williams..... except if you kill yourself. I was floored, and couldn’t help but wonder, did he think of this movie when he took his own life. As an artist I can’t help but feel like you do work that you believe in to some degree. The message is what is important. 

This movie’s interpretation of Hell wasn’t all fire and Brimstone. Apparently suicides cannot move on because they cannot accept what they have done. So they live in their own personal Hell. It is a disturbing thought to say the least, and all I can imagine is such a beloved, human being who did so much for so many is suffering for all eternity because of the last act of his life. An act he did to escape the literal Hell on Earth his world had become due to his illness. I pray that God would not let this happen to him. I know a lot of people were in disbelief when they found out HOW he died. It confused a lot of people, because this was such a happy man... on the surface.

The movie, does however, have a happy ending. I know I’ve given away a lot , but you’ll just have to watch it for yourself. 

Definitely, recommend “What Dreams May Come.” The theology is fascinating, the effects are beautiful (especially for a movie made in the 90s),and it is something to watch if you are or ever are struggling with grief. There is comfort to be found in this film. 

Thank you Robin. 

Annnnd cut.

Feeling Suicidal? Text CONNECT to 686868 There is always someone ready to listen.

Let’s take a moment to celebrate this man. I didn’t realize until just recently, that Jack Black is a serious comfort actor for me, and that he has been for quite some time now. 

I recently found myself couch-bound, recovering from a self-induced, wine, hangover, having neither the ability or need to go anywhere but to and from the sofa to the fridge. Capable of only flipping through Netflix, searching for the perfect cure. I found it in several movies, but the one that stuck out the most was Jack Black’s “The House with a Clock in its’ Walls.” 

This movie was chock full of childhood magic, and whimsy, that it instantly relaxed my mind and my soul. It was riddled with campiness typical of JB, but with a different sense of maturity, when compared to his early, more slapstick work that relied mainly on rude humor, and failure to launch floundering. It was wonderful to see him attempt to hold his own against the Oscar-worthy, heavyweight Cate Blanchett, which gave the film an endearing quality. I was especially thrilled with the “Tenacious D” Easter egg, that saw JB’s character Johnathan carrying a tray down the stairs whistling “Classico.” Did you catch it?

I then realized I have loved his over the top, give it his all gumption that he portrays in almost everything he has ever done. From his first appearance as metal-head bad boy in the third installment of “The Neverending Story”,  to his incredible singing talents shown in “School of Rock” and “Tenacious D.” Songs that, no doubt, are ingrained in the minds of millions (Kick-a-poo am I right?), and his gender bending portrayal of vapid high school beauty in the reboot of Jumanji. 

What I am excited about the most for Mr. Black is that his career is evolving, while maintaining true to himself. He no longer needs to rely on playing the loveable but bumbling fool, which appealed to mainly older audiences 25-35. He has expanded his brand into bumbling hero. A role that I think suits him. I don’t think there is a person alive who doesn’t know “Kung Fu Panda.” The way that Lion King was a main movie for five year old me, KFP will be that for it’s generation. Po is a character that will stand the test of time. 

He has also made smart career choices by getting involved in reboot’s such as Jumanji, and Goosebumps. Movies that appeal to the children of today, and pulls on the nostalgic heart strings of the children of the 90′s. And he does not disappoint.

Finally, I’d like to give an honorable mention to his more serious roles. “The Holiday”, he was so sweet and genuine, even though he was out of Kate Winslet’s league (I don’t think anyone will be good enough for her after Leo’s Jack Dawson), I was seriously rooting for him to get the girl in that one. And for the “Polka King” I thought that it was gunna be a campy goofball of a film, but was pleasantly surprised at the way that the biopic unfolded and displayed the rise of a downtrodden polka singer, through some questionable means, to his inevitable fall. And the end, when the mother-in-law finally stands up for him, had me cheer in my seat. 

So, Jack Black, thank you for existing in this world, and for bringing me years of laughter and comfort from what you do. Thank you for travelling to the land of Hollywooooooooood!!!

P.s. also, a big thank you for your pandemic videos (Jack Black doing the WAP dance in his underwear in his backyard, being sprayed by a hose, was the medicine I needed during quarantine). 

To whoever finds themselves with a kind enough heart to spend a couple minutes of their lives reading this. Thank you. 

I’ve been struggling lately. Well, not just lately. More like years, trying to find my thing. I am at an age where you should be settled in your career, married and having children. So far I am on point, but like many people I find that I am still unsatisfied. No children so far, and due to some circumstances out of my control, there won’t be for a few more years. I love my partner, and my marriage is a happy one. There is no one I would rather navigate life with than him. I like my job. Emphasis on the the word “like”. It pays the bills, keeps me active and is somewhat in the field that I went to school for (Health). Does it make my heart sing? No, but in a COVID world being essential is kind of important. 

I do all the things, the yoga, the gym, the running. I’ve been attempting for what seems like forever now to create that perfect before and after picture. I’ve tried to mold myself into an adult athlete, but my commitment is never 100%. I don’t know why. I like being active, and physically fit, but I honestly don’t think I love it enough for it to be my “thing.” If I am being truthful, I am tired of trying to force it. 

I’ve been racking my brain for a hobby that I can throw myself into. Something that is mine and mine alone. What do I like? What have I always liked.... cue jeopardy theme song. And I have to admit. It’s movies, television, actors, theatre. When I think back to a time that I was happiest, it was back in my high school plays. Even though I usually was just a minor character, but those times were the best, and if I can admit it, there was a time I dreamt of being an actress. Though coming from a small country town in the middle of nowhere Canada, the odds of that happening were definitely not in my favor. So I listened to my parents, guidance counsellors, teachers, and took the safe route, and went into healthcare. 

Now I work for a Pharmaceutical Manufacturing company. It’s stable, it’s safe. Where is the fun in that? 

Now I’m stuck in the routine, of go to work, come home, drink wine, eat, sleep and repeat. The hobbies I have are not cutting it. So I am going back to what I love, and that is movies. The art of story telling in pictures. It may be too late for me to become an actress, playwright, or director, but I can escape into some small part of this world on this platform. I can write about what I see, what I like, what I dislike, and what resonates with me. Movies, and television have always been a part of my life, but that is for another post. 

If you’ve read this far, thank you for your time and attention. It makes me feel a little less alone in this world. And I must admit, it feels good to be writing again (another hobby that I used to enjoy), and this is much more satisfying than journaling (which I’ve tried, but hurts my wrist). 

So please stay tuned, and check back in if you want to hear the ramblings of a small town film geek, trying to find her voice.