i'm alive in spite of me.

Boredom feels like fire burning me from the inside out

For those of you who are having complicated/distasteful feelings toward their bodies right now, here's your affirmation that your body is not bad. Even if it doesn't look the way you feel it should look. Even if it's not functioning at max capacity. It's not a bad body and you are not bad for living in it.

You may find it hard to think of your body as beautiful by the societal norms of aesthetics, but maybe you can see beauty in for what it truly is: the place where you live, the systems that keep you alive, that tried to protect you from disease, who works all day long to keep you here. Try to be kind to your body even if it is not on its best or if doesn't look a certain way, it still trying the best it can to keep you here. It might be different, it might be tired, it might even be sick, but it is trying all day long to keep you surviving. Appreciate the things it does for you for what they are, and if you can't love it completely by being body positive, you can become self-accepting by learning to be neutral towards it. That is already more than enough. What matters is that you don't go through life hating the very same thing that gives you life itself.

I'm less and less interested in masking my mental illness for people anymore. My energy belongs to my recovery and my healing, not in pretending I'm okay for your comfort or your approval.

ok but mental health is so fucking wack because i used to feel this wholeheartedly and now i feel like im sorta present in life but also on the edge of a memory of an experience, with all the sensory bits attached too. getting into a better headspace really does just mean your brain turns on and goes 'mm ok now we process trauma then!' huh?