Pride month came once again and I made the mistake of scrolling social media. Pride. Its supposed to show confidence, glam and all the happy feelings in the world. But why oh why does it come with so many politics?
The post isnt about pride btw, it just struck as ironic that on a month for celebrating the endurance and will of queer people, people who embody love so completely they fought for decades for it, its fucking hatred that permeates my mind.
I saw a post on insta, quite the normal ragebait post about how IITB instructed not to ask people about their JEE rank and how people are forced to hide their talents from everyone "just because" of casteism. whatever. The comments also continue the vitriol of reservation is this that. But that is also not what got me.
People hate. They continue to hate. This country is so fundamentally built on that idea that is genuinely just broke me. A system of exams that decides the fate of fucking millions, all based on numbers in an exam that has been dissected into oblivion that none of it matters on brain power, rather just the will (not even the fucking kid's, just anyone's who can force them to study) to abandon your humanity for 2 3 4 5 6 or god knows what number of years. The system feeds on this. Throw them to depression, continue to destroy their passion for anything. Love here is a fucking sin, and even to pursue anything that is not the godforsaken set of jobs decided by colonialists that were important enough. And to reinforce this, what does the system do? Pit the victims against each other, the classic approach. The problem is reservation, gender equality, its the people who conduct the exam, its the questions, no the options, oh its the subjects. NOBODY WANTS TO QUESTION WHY.
Hate is all that spews from people. Because thats what sells. How deep this seeps into our culture I cannot begin to express or fathom, but its there in every little joke we make, the comments that seem sarcastic, veiled with self awareness. But its just mimicking patterns from the internet. The one thing that could have let us see what the world could be. Then of fucking course this too was monopolized, capitalized, and preyed upon. Now ALGORITHMS can efficiently sort people to hate. Love can be seen from a distance but never experienced. A garden barred with windows while the prisoners fight to decide who gets a turn at guarding them.
The worst part is, Im stuck in it. I spin the cog, and I might have even crushed people in it. The whole fucking rant is just a self aware piece of irony, since I just continue to hate the people here. All the awareness of the system gives is despair. Movements spring up here. Those are communities, great! But on a systemic level, India ensures it stays in the cycle of hatred. I dont know what to do. Im sure people much more intelligent than me have thought of solutions, but then again I know people much more intelligent than me also built the system.
