Gavin Travers

His bitterness took on the quality of a snow drift — amorphous and heavy. Not directed at anything specific, he was left to wonder exactly how managed to put himself in this position, between Sirius and the rest of the world. His friends were all he had. The Order of the Phoenix was all anyone had in these times, but tension was unavoidable if the Order was comprised of the same tight-knit bunch of people. Misfits, all of them, in one way or another, but Remus needed the Order to give him purpose in this chaos. When Edgar called his bluff, he felt ashamed, knowing that he told a bald-faced lie to his brother-in-arms. Ed was older, but Remus knew very well that age did not necessitate wisdom. Such things had to be proven, and by the way Edgar perceived his melancholy, he proved wise enough for Remus to entrust him with an honest answer. "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I think I just appointed myself to watch the perimeter of the house because it became too stifling inside." 

There wouldn’t be an ensuing explanation. Not from Remus. And not if Edgar didn’t demand one. Eighteen years old and wise beyond his years, Remus was still subject to the same hormonal storms as everyone else. The trick was not to let the damage get too far out of hand — something he learned from waging war. Cold licked at their ears despite the warming spells, and Remus’ footfall crescendoed, coming faster and harder with is resolve to get to safety. “What were you doing out here, anyway? You never really explained. Andromeda set up portkeys for us and everything. Why would you go out into the cold alone?” It was his turn to be annoyingly nosy. He had a right to know if something fishy was going on, including but not limited to shady dealings with the other side. Edgar didn’t seem like a traitor though, or if he was, he was the blundering sort that fell into it like a trap. "You never know what could be out here," he added ominously.

They reached a forest path that Remus recognized. A lone deer bolted across it, appearing briefly out of the thick line of trees before it vanished. 

Now part of him began to wonder if perhaps he should be a little more worried. She had been kidnapped a few weeks back, it wasn’t an impossible notion that she had been kidnapped again. Remus had pointed out that there were portkeys at the Tonks’, and he doubted that she would have been as idiotic as him and tried to wander around in the storm. Still, he couldn’t stop the sudden worry churning in his stomach. He would have to send her an owl the next day to make sure she got home safely.

Remus’ explanation for the lie was vague, but Edgar nodded and offered a smile to show that he wasn’t upset by the lie. He didn’t appreciate being lied to but the young wizard was apologetic and it was easy to forgive the small slip-up. Clearly there was something going on between the group of friends and Edgar understood if Remus didn’t want to talk about it, so he didn’t push the subject.

When the question of what he was doing out in a storm alone was tossed back at him he felt his face go red with embarrassment again. He wasn’t exactly proving himself to be a useful or intelligent ally that night. “I —- uh —- wanted to cool off,” he answered honestly, realizing how stupid it sounded. “It was stuffy in the house and I thought a walk might help. I figured I could just apparate home after a couple of minutes but … well …” With a shrug he pulled his hands out of his empty pockets to show his lack of a wand.

At the suggestion of a patronus Edgar shook his head. If he had his wand with him he might have been able to produce one himself, though considering his mood it was debatable at this point, but if Remus couldn’t do it then he was sure they could survive without it. The house couldn’t be that far, right? “No, it’s fine. I’m sure we’ll be able make it without one.”

Voices.

Voices carried through the wind, barely audible from just around the corner.

Red couldn't understand the conversation but he was willing to bet a couple of Muggles were braving the outside world, perhaps traveling to or from work. Silly, stupid little things. Perhaps he'd warm himself delighting in his favored pastime.

"Ready or not, here I come," Red's voice, high pitched and eerie, carried through the wind as he stepped directly in front of the approaching men, hand wrapped around his wand.

He seemed almost disappointed by her own revelation, which also made sense in many ways. What were nightmares when compared to three other full-fledged personalities inside your mind? And yet it stung slightly. Everyone’s issues were different and Amelia did not admit weakness easily. Gavin probably didn’t realize how significant the phrase I haven’t even told Edgar was, but if she couldn’t talk to her brother about something, there was no one who would know. He excused himself awkwardly and she watched him leave with a sinking feeling in her stomach. Things had been going well, hadn’t they? How had she messed it up this time?

Gods, she was an absolute train wreck wasn’t she? There was a part of her that wanted to tuck tail and run, that was convinced he was already doing just that. Would he return from the bathroom or was she going to be stood up mid date? Amelia shook her head to clear it of those uncharitable thoughts; why would he tell her everything he had just to walk out? It didn’t make sense…unless…had she done something to frighten him or push him into a change? Stop it, Amelia, you’re getting worked up over nothing.

What had he done? 

Revealing his deepest, most well-protected secret for a girl  had been, quite possibly, the most idiotic move he could have ever dared to make. Amelia hadn't exactly run in the other direction screaming. In fact, she'd taken the news rather lightly considering the absolutely insane nature of his secret. Even so, he'd long since promised himself that he would never reveal this side of himself to anyone. It put his livelihood at risk. It put at risk the lives of anyone who found out. Red was pure evil. Vindictive. Unpredictable. If Red became aware of Gavin's feelings and of Amelia's knowledge, he might take matters into his own hands. This had been the dumbest thing he'd ever done.

But what could he possibly do now?

Leaving the girl flat on her birthday was cruel. Fleeing without warning would be so far from his nature that he couldn't consider it for more than a few fleeting seconds. Gavin pushed himself up and inhaled deeply. With one last glance at himself in the mirror, he left the restroom and found his way back to the seat across from Amelia.

"Sorry," he said quickly. "So, did you want dessert? Cake for the birthday girl?"

As he began to explain the scents that triggered him, she listened carefully, opting to tease him just a bit again. “So, I have to quit smoking cigars? Damn,” she joked, blue eyes twinkling at him. “That or we just have to keep you from getting tired or depressed.” Amelia said the words lightly, but she new how difficult it could be in the midst of a war. Still, it was easier to stay positive when there was someone around to be positive with you. To point out the good things and remind you how life could still be good even in the midst of a tragedy. Perhaps they could do that for each other. “In all seriousness, though, if I ever do something that you find upsetting, please don’t hesitate to tell me, okay?”

Her hand cupped the back of her neck, elbow resting on the table again as he began to explain the other people who took up residence inside his head. He seemed uncomfortable talking about them, which was understandable given the circumstances; she felt bad for asking. When he finished, Amelia smiled at him again. “Thanks for telling me. We’ve all got problems, Gavin… I’m incredibly grateful that you’ve trusted me enough to share yours.” Yes, she still had more questions, but she wasn’t going to ask about the others anymore since it obviously made him feel awkward. When he was ready to confide in her, he would, simple as that. As much as she would have liked to know who the final personality was, how to avoid bringing him out, it was something that would happen over time — she wasn’t going to have him figured out in one night. People were complicated and he was basically four people. 

The we rang through his head repeatedly. What the hell did she mean by that? Gavin gave her a nervous smile accompanied with polite laughter, but his mind spun with ideas of what the fuck she could possibly be playing at with those words. 

"Yeah. I'll do my best, though I doubt there's much you can do to upset me, at least to that extent," Gavin said, shrugging. The idea of sweet, hospitable, accepting Amelia Bones upsetting him to the point of triggering a switch was nearly laughable. And despite how much he knew getting close to her was a stupid idea, he couldn't help but smile, appreciating the thought that she believed they'd get together enough in the future that this was even a possibility. 

It felt good to have disclosed as much as he had. While it was a dangerous tightrope to walk, having Amelia know just what was happening inside his head almost felt like a relief. No one, except for the Muggle psychologists he'd forced himself to see and some Healers, knew about his condition. It was a secret he'd kept under lock and key for so long and now that he'd finally revealed it, Gavin felt a weight lift off his shoulders. 

Nightmares. Amelia's secret felt a little less... life altering than his own, but he didn't want to downplay it. Having experienced them himself, he knew that they could be detrimental. Still, it wasn't as though she could be locked up forever for her nightmares. Gavin simply nodded, feeling a little... distant. It was a realization that he was fucking mad and that this whole thing was a bad idea. A very, very bad idea. Gavin wasn't normal. He should not be allowed to do normal-people things. 

"I'm sorry to hear," he said weakly, hands wiping roughly at the fabric of his pants before he stood without thinking. "I need... the loo."

Quickly, Gavin dashed towards the men's room, panic beginning to erupt inside his chest.

What the fuck was he doing?

Don’t think of it, don’t think of it.  Fuck, fuck, no. Concentrate, Joshua.

He chewed his lower lip and squeezed his eyes shut. Then he went for it, certain he’d collected all that he could regarding the fish plus a few images of double d’s titty fucking his cock. Shit, he hoped not. Really didn’t need that surfacing at his workplace. (Of all the possible images to slip up, he figured it could be a lot worse.)

He flashed a brilliant smile Gavin’s way as he deposited the memory, “Well — that’s either the fish or my schlong. Sixty-five percent sure it’s the fish.” His smile vanished with the feel of his his mark going off again, shooting an angry demand up and down his arm.

"Well, you know what? I hate your office. No wonder you can’t get rid of your love handles," Joshua flicked a candy wrapped at Gavin’s face, clicking his tongue as the tiny foil smacked Gavin between the eyebrows, "I’m leaving." It was as good of an excuse as any. Depending on his mood, he would apologize to Gavin later.

The insult went right over his head as all focus redirected to the burning possessing his forearm. It was almost a relief when Joshua stalked out of the office like there was no tomorrow. A part of him realized he ought to feel insulted by the sudden dismal and instant parting of his mate. They'd been close for so long but now...

Gavin welcomed the sound of the slamming door and didn't wait a second before he was on his feet, clenching at his arm as he leaned against the wall, eyes slamming shut as waves of nausea and worry flared through him. It wasn't long before Gavin had slipped away and Red stepped into place, a complacent smile eerily plastered over his lips. Reaching into the bottom drawer of Gavin's office desk, Red pulled out the fake bottom and found within it a silver mask. He slipped it over his face before transfiguring work robes into robes to match his Death Eater robes. 

By the time he'd reached the end of the corridor, he was feeling excited for what was to come. Red's eyes darted around the atrium. Spotting the back of a pair of familiar Death Eater robes, Red dashed forward.