unclean little thing

Wistful winds in a busy brain

Today’s mood

There’s something gentle and odd happening in my brain lately. I won’t dig at it though. I like that it’s taking its time to reveal itself to me. I can remember things again. And I retain names and directions easier. I’m less careless in my choices. I’m deliberate and clear in my conversations with men. I sprinkle more magic in for women and non-binary folks. They’re who I’m more interested in anyway. God didn’t make me gay enough. Men are my least favorite gender. But I adore them still. Individually. Selectively. What a curse to be surrounded with beautiful non-men and still want males more.

I found this cute little box full of drawers stuffed with what I assume was a little girl’s crafting supplies. What a portal to my own childhood! This was a spiritual experience for me. To go through the things a child once kept. To wonder if they simply outgrew their treasures or if this had been donated for a much darker reason. I’ll never know. So I dig and find the things that speak to me. These are them.

Going through emotional and physical ouchies at the same time.

I’ve been thinking a lot about dragons. The year of the dragon. Dragons as a symbol. I’m appreciating the unexpectedness of the symbols that come into my life. I’ve been drawn to fighting back. To taking what I deserve instead of waiting for it to be handed to me. I’ve been watching movies all the way through instead of skipping the sad parts. I’m experiencing a lot of freedom through honesty. I’m experiencing a lot of metaphors through my surroundings. I’m practicing observing before reacting. I’m sometimes an asshole on the road but so is everyone. I’ve loosened my bones, there’s space now for transition and I feel ready.

What’s next? My brain is so spacey. Full of potential. Plump with room for the future. Yet I’m feeling resistance. A pull to go back to what I’ve known. Existence is so strange.

Dripping down my pedestal 🕯️