Line dancing 💃

Tbhhh I felt physically really bad but I'd had to put off going on like 3 other occasions already so I drugged myself up and just pushed myself. Most of it was okay, but there was one routine that was not really beginner level and there weren't any breaks the whole night. Like it's really beginner for someone with an average level of fitness, not someone like me.

Emotionally I wasn't fantastic either, just a bunch of stuff gnawing away in my brain already, and then I saw a couple of people I used to do theatre with (we weren't friends and we didn't say hi, I doubt they recognised me either as I don't look the same) which is always a bit of a trigger because the adult man from theatre who groomed me was the worst kept secret among cast and crew, and I don't want to see people who probably knew what was happening. I know I have nothing to feel ashamed of, but people love to victim blame and I've already experienced that from people who were meant to be close to me, let alone people who were close to him/knew his family (his whole immediate family was in the production in some way), or close to his girlfriend. I was also way out of my comfort zone, like physical movement in a public place? Doing something that fat people 'aren't allowed' to do? While being fucking recorded with no attempt to seek my consent? Ummmm. Naaaah.