agent starling

There were many occasions that Luca wanted to chime in. Take away those thoughts and feelings, so that nothing bad was left. But…he didn’t. Whatever was weighing down on her heart, he let her have it. Voice it, speak all her fears out in hopes the words would soon make her realize they were just that. Words. The ground they sat on was covered in mud - wet, soaking already stiff clothes of his that had been dry before.She must’ve sat there for hours, in the cold, wet mud that was who-knew-how old. 

Strings of words finally flooded out of her. A recall of everything that had happened, the shit everyone had to go through. And, truth behold, he opened his mouth to argue. There was little fault to give her for all of that. She didn’t ask for someone to blow up the Gala. She didn’t hire someone to hold a psychotic grudge against her and Yael. All it ever was, was a train of misfortunate events. No one blame the driver that drove accordingly but was T-boned regardless because one, or two, idiots didn’t. No one could blame the pilot for technical failures due to shitty maintenance jobs. But she shushed him. Not physically, no. She did worse. 

The mans dark brows created deep lines in between, forming a triangle that just so perfectly expressed his confusion. And then, he heard those few words that would repeat themselves over and over again in his head. I’m pregnant. She didn’t need to specify that it was his, although part of his brain just wanted to hear it. How could he not notice that? Now, he was no specialist. He never dealt with pregnancies before and hadn’t really thought he would ever. Children had never been part of his equation, his plans. He had always figured he wasn’t going to be a dad at any given point in his life because children didn’t fit into it. Exhaling heavily, Luca ran both his hands through his hair, pushing the mob of streaky, dark strands out of his face. 

His lower lip was pulled in between his teeth as he turned his head to look at Hallie. He was scared. Hell, Luca barely just managed to open up to her. He wasn’t good with emotions, he wasn’t really good with other people in general and babies were so…delicate. Hallie had raised an amazing young girl - but Sidney had a father like Jesse and while Luca barely knew him, it was hard not to see what kind of person Jesse was. The type a little girl would look up to. Both parents she had, with no doubt. 

And yet, despite his own insecurities, he felt his stomach churn at the thought something could’ve happened to the growing baby. It could’ve been dead before he even knew of it. Before ever seeing his childs face. Before he even had the chance to suck at being a dad. 

“You were too scared to tell me?”

As his hands ran down his face, Luca raised his brows and slowly nodded. He didn’t know what the right thing to say was. Or do. So he didn’t think. His hand hesitantly reached out to rest above hers. There wasn’t really anything to feel - at this point, the baby was barely anything human, realistically speaking. It was a possibility. A chance. A future. A quiet sigh escaped his lips that slowly turned into a smile. “Nothing is your fault, Hal. Don’t carry the weight of something that was out of your hand. And don’t forget how resilient babies are. They have better survival skills than we do. And if…that baby is anything like you, its head will be thick enough to withstand anything.” Lips curled into a smile as he spoke, his position shifted as he pulled her head closer to him to press his lips against her temple. “Both of you will be fine. I promise.”

She nodded, feeling guilty about not telling him, now, too. “I was scared of everything. I found out the day Sidney was taken. Moments after I told you I love you and you couldn’t yet say it back. I know things like that are hard for you, I understand completely, and I don’t blame you for being careful. I don’t want you to say things if you aren’t a thousand percent sure about them, which is why I’m not asking you for anything now. For the record, I am certain you would be an incredible father. But I will not force you to be a dad if you don’t want to be one.”

There was a physical exhaustion in Hallie’s chest after she said that. She hadn’t wanted to say it. She wanted to be selfish and happy and decorate a nursery and pick names. When she’d told Jesse that the IVF had worked and she was pregnant, they’d held a dance party in the living room, but this... this was unexpected. They were unprepared. They were at the bottom of a damn mine. There was nothing to be but afraid.

But then he reached out. Just a hand, wordlessly, covering hers, as though the both of them were protecting the blueberry that would one day be their child. As he spoke, she wiped away tears (of fear, joy, relief, she didn’t know) and smiled softly back at him. “Well if it’s anything like you, it’ll be stubborn as hell and refuse to be hurt.” Despite being scared and exhausted and stuck in a mine, here they were, beaming at each other on the muddy ground. “I love you,” she whispered, giving him a soft kiss.

To say Luca was worried, really was an understatement. He felt…utterly helpless. Like never before. She scurried away from him, pulling away from his touch like he scorched her. Panted, wide eyed as if she had just seen a ghost. There was no way of him possibly figuring out what was wrong - but something was, very, terribly wrong. And not being able to help her pulled on the strings that kept the pieces of his heart together. With his hands raised, Luca slowly crawled closer to her. Careful as to not scare her off again. The darkness could play horrible games with ones mind. She had just almost lost her daughter, the fire - maybe he had just failed to see the signs. That she needed help or someone to talk to. 

He ran a hand over his mouth, movements brisk and nervous. So afraid of doing anything wrong. As her hand reached his cheek, he visibly flinched. Now, he was cold too. But he wasn’t freezing. She, on the other hand - her fingers felt stiff even as she only brushed along his skin. Very slowly and carefully, Luca reached for her hand, enclosed it with his warmer ones. “I’m here. I promise.” He muttered quietly, offering her a small smile as he gathered her other hand, heated breaths an attempt to warm up her skin. “How long have you been here for?” Despite wanting to get up, knowing they had to keep moving, Luca dropped down next to her. The jacket, which he had been made fun of for wearing during the summer in Texas, was put around her shoulders carefully. Hands that were ever as gentle, as if he was caring for a porcelain vase, adjusted the jacket to cover her properly. His eyes didn’t leave hers, worry and fear evident in his nearly black orbs as he tried to search for…his Hallie somewhere in hers. Even in the darkness, the contrast of their skin was stark as he cupped her face. They often made fun of each other. How different they were. Pale dork and tall grump. Not much in common with lives that couldn’t be more different. Yet…it all fit like two pieces concluding a puzzle. 

Balancing out what they lacked or needed. Whether it was a sense of reality or a sense of possibilities. “I love you.” He didn’t even properly register himself saying those three words he had been so afraid of. But, maybe, being more scared of losing someone was what took it for him to speak them out loud. To realize he wasn’t just scared of her not being around but terrified. Too many people had come and gone and he could do little but watch. This time, he would have a say. He would do everything he could to keep what he loved. Warm thumbs brushed over her cheeks slowly. “Tell me what’s wrong, Hal. Please.”

“You’re here,” she whispered, almost inaudibly. As though she were trying to convince herself. This, this dark cold mess, this was reality. She still wanted her baby back, but Luca’s hands were warm, and his voice calmed her, and she loved him so much. He placed a jacket around her shoulders to keep her warm. She remembered mocking him for wearing it. He stared into her eyes the way he always did when he was reading her mind, but it was so clouded with secrets and emotions now, she knew it would be like reading a language he didn’t understand.

In truth, she didn’t understand either. She had no idea where she was or when he’d got here, or why he seemed so scared. She was terrified that her mind was betraying her like this, that she was locked out of her own memories, but then he said three tiny words that shook her. She smiled. She had a few tears in her eyes, sure, and she was still freezing and shaking from fear, and still confused and lost and worried and guilt-ridden, but he loved her. She’d been waiting for this moment to tell him... for a moment she couldn’t remember what she needed to tell him.

She put her hands to her stomach to control the butterflies flying around in there, but then she remembered what else was living in her body. Who else was, hopefully, still living there. If she could get any paler... she would have.

He asked what was wrong. Normally, she would have given a humourless laugh, and said ‘How long do you have?’ Normally, she would have easily told him something about work or family or such things that used to bother her. Now, she just stared at him, needing to tell him, but terrified to. What if she told him now, just for it all to be in vain?

“I threw a gala. For charity. Brought you all to it. And the place burned down. My little girl and my friend’s little girl were taken, and everyone banded together to save them, but one of them got shot, and more of them could have. I brought everyone to the forest to film and I called ‘action’ and I remember nothing until you said my name. I can only assume everyone else is stuck down here too, alive or dead. I... It’s all me. I caused all of this.”

She knew he was about to protest because he was perfect, and of course he would, but she stopped him. “I knew you loved me back. In my heart, I knew. But I’m always so in my head, and my head was saying if you weren’t ready to say it, maybe you weren't ready to be with me, and I need you to be with me because I don’t want to do this alone.” She took a deep, shaking breath. A lifelong fan of horror and she’d never been as afraid as she was in this moment. She was barely aware of the tears clouding her vision. “I’m pregnant, Luca. I’ve known for two weeks and I didn’t tell you. And I don’t remember how I got down here, but I can’t imagine it was good for a baby. So... to answer your question, what’s wrong is that I am completely consumed with guilt.”

Somewhere along the way, Luca and Emma had gotten separated. He didn’t know how or where, as his phone soon lost all battery. Leaving them in the dark. Not knowing how long they’ve been walking or what day it even was. The dark rings that usually lingered beneath his eyes were even more pronounced - nearly black. Yet, despite wandering for hours, he had yet to find a trace of Hallie or anyone else. A water bottle he had found in the debris was clutched in his hand, He didn’t drink often, despite the rough, sore throat of his. Who knew when anyone would come to search for them?

Then, in the distance, he heard a soft voice. Luca stopped, all tiredness suddenly vanishing as he believed he was finally losing his mind in the darkness. No one would be singing in an old, abandoned mine, for fuck’s sake. He must be going crazy. There was no other option for the usually so sharp man. Yet, he followed the voice. Soothing and soft as it sung quietly. Maybe he truly was going bonkers - in that moment, he didn’t care.

Slow steps carried him further down the tunnel until the silhouette of someone sitting on the ground was noticeable. At first, he didn’t recognize the person cowering over their arms as if they were holding something. Not until he crouched down on their level and made out familiar features. “Hallie?” He asked, voice raspy. She didn’t even seem to acknowledge him in the slightest, only rocked her arms side to side, continuously singing lyrics to that goddamn guns N roses song as if she was in a trance. 

Reaching out, he put the bottle aside to place both his hands on either side of her shoulders, shaking her. “Hallie, look at me. What are you doing? You need to get up, okay? Are you hurt? Can you get up?” Luca inspected her in what little the darkness allowed him to see. She didn’t seem to be heavily injured. As far as he knew, her head looked fine as well. Aside from dirt and scratches that must’ve occurred when they all took a tumble. “Hello? Hallie?”

Hallie hadn’t slept. She hadn’t eaten. She spent the first three hours after the fall in complete terror. None of what had happened had ever really registered in her mind, but for those first three hours, all she could think was that she’d lost the baby. She convinced herself of it. She didn’t see a single soul for however long it had been since then, and all of that combined had driven her to this. Singing in a dark tunnel, holding a baby she didn’t have, a baby who’d grow up into a little girl. A baby who’d been taken from her, and then sent away when she’d got her back. A tiny baby girl with blonde hair and blue eyes who she missed, even when she’d still had her. She loved her toddler, but a part of her always missed her baby.

She’d been getting more excited than nervous about the new one. It was the size of a blueberry now. It would be small and helpless and entirely dependent on her, and it would have dark hair and dark eyes like its parents, and she loved this blueberry sized child with all of her heart, already. She was mourning it now. Singing to both of the children she’d lost.

Luca’s voice didn’t register for a moment. He didn’t fit into this world she’d created for herself. But he called her by her name, and something in her broken mind responded to that. She held the baby closer to her, but she was gone. Hallie looked down to see nothing in her arms, and a floor of mud instead of the carpet in her Calabasas home. Her breathing quickened and she stumbled, eyes wide with terror, scrambling away from Luca, unable to tell anymore what was real.

“What... where...” she was trembling, but she reached out to touch Luca’s cheek with her cold hand. “Are you really here?”

The baby was crying, as she often did in the early days. Hallie and Jesse often joked that she would be a great singer when she grew up. Powerful lungs.

Hallie looked for the baby now, stumbling down the hallway that was, in reality, part of a thirty-foot deep labyrinth of mud and rust and darkness. But she wasn’t aware of reality now. She simply searched for her crying baby girl, following the unmistakable voice of her tiny Sidney.

She found the crib that wasn’t there, and she picked up the baby that wasn’t there, and held nothing in her arms as she rocked her daughter slowly, soothing her by humming softly.

An hour later, she was still there. Alone, but with her baby. Singing the song she always sang when Sidney was afraid.

She's got eyes of the bluest skies, as if they thought of rain. I hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain. 

🛌- Does your muse prefer to sleep under many layers of blankets or only under a few?

She’ll go under like eight blankets because she’s small and cold but then she’ll wake up with them all thrown off.

🎀- Does your muse like to accessorise? What are their favourite pieces of accessories?

Yeah, but in her tomboyish way. She’ll rock a ball cap or a waist flannel or a megaphone or something.

🎐- Does your muse like to collect/hoard anything?

Her Blu-Ray collection could kill a person.

🛋- Does your muse like to have company over?

Hell yeah. As long as she’s in the mood for it and not stressed and tired and cranky.

📱- Is your muse the “oversharing” type?

Not really? With Jesse, yes, he knows too much.

🐰- Does your muse prefer soft, plush textures or smooth and glossy textures?

Both have their place. lbh this is a weird question.

💎- Is your muse drawn to things that sparkle?

Not particularly?

🔖- Is your muse a daydreamer? What do they tend to think about? Have they ever caught themselves while lost in thought?

Hell yes. She imagines beautiful outrageous things and then writes them down and makes a movie out of them.

📇- Is your muse a gossiper?

No. She’s been in Fake News Weekly for so long (on and off, she’s not that famous) that she hates gossip now. Doesn’t believe anything without proof.

🏚- Does your muse like to explore dangerous places?

How else will she film horror movies?

🌋- Has your muse done something stupid and not regret it?

Everything she’s ever done.

🛣- Is your muse considered a wanderer?

No, she’s almost always in LA with her little fam.

🐺- Would your muse consider themselves a lone wolf or a social butterfly?

She’s social but she doesn’t want to think about butterflies thankyouverymuch.

🤝- Does your muse forgive others easily?

Yes.

🎖- Does your muse enjoy praise?

Hell yes.

🎟- Do they like “so bad it’s good” movies?

I mean, yeah, but she’s kind of terrified of making one.

🎠- Does your muse like amusement parks/carnivals/festivals?

Yes. But not so much roller coasters or ferris wheels. Although that’s been tested.

🏝- Could your muse survive on an uninhabited island all by themselves?

“I mean, if you ever watched Buffy you’ll know all of that is a damn lie. Superheroes are still human-ish. That’s why people like them so much” This was the hardest thing she had ever had to go through in her life. The waiting, the helplessness they all felt. If she could be there along side those men she would have been but that wasn’t safe for anyone- if they were seen and recognised it would be over. Hallie was a lot more optimistic than she was- a little less realistic. Maybe that was what made her a great director- but Yael couldn’t shake the feeling that something would go wrong “In real life the good guys don’t always win” She didn’t mean to bring the mood down it just came naturally to her when she was in this state of mind.

Her own eyes went to the small device- both of them eagerly waiting on new information but barely getting anything at all. It was sheer dumb luck that this cast just so happened to have veterans on it that were in the same platoon years ago- specialised in this kind of thing. She didn’t say much, just nodded her head so Hallie knew she heard her. Her heart was racing, eyes stung as if she could burst into tears at any second if there were any left. 

“Semi-pregnant isn’t a thing” Yael pointed out, the tone shifting ever so slightly. Just one more thing added on to the pile of crap they were dealing with in that moment. But maybe this was a silver lining. Somehow. Children usually were “You know what logic is stupid right?” Maybe that wasn’t the word she was looking for but her English wasn’t always the best- sometimes she wasn’t as eloquent as she’d like to be “Just because you don’t tell him doesn’t mean he won’t still have to be a parent. You ‘re going to have to tell him eventually- I mean, it’s not like it’s something you will be able to hide for too long- you’re so small, you’ll blow up like a balloon”

Hallie rolled her eyes and sighed. She was beginning to regret trading Luca out for Yael. While she was the only one who could really understand what Hallie was going through, Yael was being neither reassuring nor allowing Hallie to reassure her. She understood the frustration and sadness, but it almost seemed as though the woman had given up hope. Hallie couldn’t relate to that. Even if it took them ten years to do it, she’d never give up hope that she would see her baby again. “We’re going to win, Yael. We’re going to get them back,” she said, in a voice that meant that was the end of that conversation.

“It could be a thing. I’m 32 years old, I drink a shit ton of coffee, I’m stressed all the time, much more so lately... it might... it might turn out to be nothing.” She hated saying that. She hated even more the fleeting thought that losing this baby might not be a bad thing. Almost nothing in her life was as certain as her love for Luca, and the love she already had for their little poppyseed. But everything else being so uncertain meant she didn’t know if she’d have to raise two kids on her own.

“I’m just scared, I guess. What if he doesn’t want to be a parent? I can’t force him to stay. We’ve only been together a minute and a half; I’ve already freaked him out enough by telling him I love him,” she said. He hadn’t said it back, and even though deep down she knew he loved her too, it still meant smething that he wasn’t ready to say it. How could he be ready for a child?

Her phone buzzed again, and she almost expected it to be Luca until she realized that Yael’s phone had buzzed at the same time. It was Ben. She read the first few words of the text:

Good news and bad news...

📰- Does your muse like to read the news?

I mean, where do you think she gets all her horror stories? Okay, to be real, yeah, she does. The real things, the rumours, all of it. It’s not good for her, probably, but she sees inspiration in everything.

🕹- What does your muse do to occupy themselves when bored?

“I know they are” She knew well enough that Ben was good at what he did. Hell, he gave up a promising military career for her and their blossoming family. Naama was the reason he did anything. She was the reason either of them did anything. She was the centre of their world. The quietest laugh escaped her, unintentional and lacking the usual heart that was behind it “Superpowers don’t really exist, unfortunately” was all she said, her heart already shattered a million times over.

Her phone buzzed and the screen lit up for the first time in what felt like forever. No real information just an update and Kieran acting like a mother making sure the two women eat and sleep. Something that wouldn’t happen anytime soon “They’ve made it to Kansas- no other updates” a sigh blew out of her, head tilting back as she nodded in acknowledgement, silently letting her know that she was able to speak freely. She wasn’t sure where Hallie was going with the conversation- part of her not really caring which was uncharacteristic for her but she understood that some people talked when they coping and others, like herself, shut down.

As those two words slipped over Hallie’s tongue, Yael turned to face her. Part of her wanted to laugh in disbelief. This probably wasn’t the best time for this kind of announcement- must have added “How long have you known?- how far along are you?” she asked, almost thankful for the momentary distraction from everything else that was going on “Who else knows?”

Hallie nodded. “No... because superheroes don’t find things like this hard. They don’t need sleep, they don’t need breaks, they don’t break down and cry. None of us is superhuman, we’re just doing the best we can. Being a parent is fucking hard, and awful some of the time. Sometimes at home, I’ll lock myself in the bathroom just to get a moment away from Sidney’s fifth tantrum of the day. I wish we did have superpowers. But we have the closest thing to it, which is a strong as fuck support system and a shit tonne of love, okay?” she said, taking Yael’s hand. “Love isn’t a superpower, either, but it’s a huge kick in the ass to get stuff done.”

Hallie’s own phone buzzed shortly afterwards. Jesse told her they were going in. She squeezed her eyes shut, prayed to a million gods she didn’t believe in and was probably cutting the circulation off of Yael’s hand. “They’re there. They’re doing it. Oh god...”

She was dizzy and nauseous, but she was glad she at least had this news as a distraction. “I found out about two hours after we got the ransom notes. I thought I fainted from stress, but... that was only part of it,” she said, a tiny smirk appearing on her dry lips. “I know. Great timing right? No one knows. Just me. And Kaulana, the paramedic. And now you. That’s why it doesn’t feel real. I can’t be far along, I haven’t even missed a period yet. If it wasn’t for the blood tests, I wouldn’t even have known. Maybe four or five weeks? Semi-pregnant. I know I should tell Luca, but we don’t even have a label on our relationship yet, I can’t ask him to commit to parenthood with me...”

Yael wasn’t even sure how long she had been awake for. It felt like years had gone by since she last had her daughter in her arms and to think that it could all be over in the near future was both a relief and a cause for even more stress. No one knew if the girls were safe. No one knew if the act they put up was enough for the woman who stole them. Tired was not the word that could be used to describe either of them right now.

Her eyes, like Hallie’s, had been locked on the black screen of her phone for hours waiting for it to light up with whatever news they had. Having Ben on set had been the best possible thing- crucial for this. Jesse jumped into action but Ben was her rock- the one who stuck around and figure out where to go for sure “No,” she shook her head, voice rough. This cast had seen more from her than anyone else- more breakdowns and moments she wasn’t proud of showing to anyone but this cast was unique. Closer than any other cast and crew she had worked with before. “Not since they landed a while ago- I’m sure we’ll hear something soon”

“They... they’re a good team. Ben and Kieran have training that’ll keep them focused. The private investigator said he’ll be there every step. And if anyone can negotiate with terrorists, it’s going to be Jesse. He’ll get this woman talking about her feelings and her childhood and crying in his arms within five minutes,” she said, almost managing a smile. “It’s his superpower.”

She closed her eyes for a moment, wishing Luca were here. His presence always calmed her. but she’d told him to sleep. He probably wasn’t sleeping, but she hoped he was getting some rest. She pursed her lips. She didn’t think she had any tears left to cry, but her eyes were threatening it now.

“Yael, can I...” she sighed. “I need to say something. It’s nothing bad, don’t be worried, I just need to... say it out loud. So it feels real. Nothing feels real right now, but this is, and I need it to be, and...” She shook her head. She was rambling. “I’m... pregnant.”

Hallie sat, staring at her phone. Yael sat staring at hers, too. She was sure Yael felt exactly as helpless and useless as she did in that moment, but both of them knew they’d done their best. They did all they could. Their incredible cast and crew - their family - had come together in the most brilliant way, as a team, to help save their daughters. Hallie had no idea how she was going to repay them. Assuming this worked.

With the help of the security footage, local witnesses, and the Private Investigator, the kids had been located in Kansas. Some small town Hallie didn’t remember the name of. Jesse had been right about going north. He’d said he just ‘felt’ it. She’d thought he was stupid. Now, she didn’t think she could love anyone more.

Hallie tore her eyes from her phone to look at Yael. “Anything from Ben, yet?” He and Kieran had been in the army together. They worked well as a team. But Hallie still worried about them. “I always hate getting texts that just say ‘k’, but I would kill for even one letter right now...”