All you need is (platonic) love

When people tell me, “Trust your gut! Follow your intuition!” Like, bitch, I have anxiety. My “gut” is usually telling me that everyone hates me and that I’m going to die. I can’t trust what that motherfucker tells me.

College students in nice suits for no reason triggers my fight or flight response

It’s good practice to distrust business students

me, 21 years old: *still kinda lookin around for cool sticks and odd looking rocks that might reveal latent magical powers*

Me, 35 years old: *finds a cool stick on my walk to work* I’m Gandalf.

Whenever I play this game all I can think about is that story where someone coddled their roomba during a thunderstorm because “it was scared”

Okay but how many of y’all have made fun of Siri or Alexa especially when they are giving directions

Ive made fun of my own flesh mother when she gives me directions robots aint special

Flesh mother

“I’m an adult” I whisper as I try not panic while I’m filling in all those forms that I don’t understand.