Asher

Also people being obsessed with Greek mythology as kids wasn’t invented by Percy Jackson. My dad read the Iliad and the odyssey in high school because one of his friends was super obsessed with Ancient Greek lit and he was like “well I can’t let him be smarter and more well read than I am I’ve gotta catch up”

Nobody has ever been capable of writing a scathingly harsh and well formulated satire about the perils of modern capitalism, that doesn't just get immediately one-upped by some random food service worker talking about their actual week.

never let the fact that you were born a girl stop you from being the gayest man alive

someone needs to invent reverse cornflakes. i want to eat a cereal that gives me a demonic erection and inflicts upon me an insatiable lust

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

the idea that every summer will be as hot if not hotter than this for the rest of my life is unbearable i need to (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) murder an oil executive

(voice of a person spiralling) its embarrassing but i still havent figured out if its ok for me to be alive

partially-managed mental illness is so fucking funny i'll be sitting around doing my job and suddenly think "wow i hate myself" and immediately get confused because, like, that's not TRUE! i love myself so much. who are you to talk to me like that

snakes really make you appreciate how gross mammals really are. squamates are very dry and clean

a bird is a kind of reptile that has learned to be yucky.

those are literally all children’s cartoon characters and don’t even count as Butch or canonical lesbians how does this happen

Two of them are horses

if you want to dress gay but aren’t sure how, you need to focus more on finding clothes you actually like and that make you feel good when you look in the mirror. develop your style independently of what you think looks gayest and trust the homosexuality will follow. it goes where confidence and self acceptance are