el :)

can i get a request where the reader (who is steve's is girlfriend) is self harming, and steve finds out, and feels super guilty for not noticing the signs.

Steve Harrington x Reader 

TRIGGER WARNING: Talk of Self-harm. Mentions of violence, death, sex & cursing.

A/N:  I am SO sorry this took so long. I’ve been so busy with summer classes and work. I also haven’t written in years and this is only my second time writing since I started up again, so I apologize if it’s not the best. If you are struggling with self harm, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me and or someone close to you. You’re not alone, and there is help out there for you. My messages are open for anyone who may need it. This takes place during S3, but obviously with a few changes :) GIF IS NOT MINE

“How long did you think you’d be able to hide this?” Steve finally broke the long silence.

You were sitting in the passenger's seat of your boyfriend's car. Your knees were pulled up against your chest, blinking back tears as you stared out the window at the now empty parking lot of Starcourt. 

“Steve, I-” 

“No,” He cut you off. “I should’ve noticed the signs. I mean shit,” He pauses and runs his hand through his hair with a frustrated sigh. “Long sleeves in the summer, refusing to swim when I know you love it, never taking your shirt off during sex. I just thought you were cold, or just maybe uncomfortable with your body. I don’t know but I’m so sorry.” He looked up and met your gaze, you flinched slightly when you noticed the tears. 

You never intended for him to find out, hell, you even told yourself you would stop before it got too far. But, every time you told yourself “This is the last time” you would have a nightmare about all the shit that went down the past couple years with the Upside Down. The image and sounds of Bob being ripped apart by the demodogs, Joyces earth shattering scream as Hopper dragged her away from her dying boyfriend, the feeling of the demogorans' nails as they sunk into your skin while it was on top of you, the realization on what actually happened to Barb. It was just a constant loop. You couldn’t talk about it because you knew everyone else was suffering too, and you figured that they all wanted to just forget about it. So you handled it in your own way and had done a good job hiding it from everyone. The excuses on why you were in a jacket in the middle of summer or why you never wanted to go swimming came easily. You thought that you were in the clear and that your secret was safe. You couldn’t have been more wrong. 

---

“Mike said that there was no way it was hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk but it was!” Dustin said as the two of you walked into Scoops Ahoy. “So, I had to prove it to him.” 

“And?” 

“And I did! The egg started cooking the second I cracked it on the sidewalk,” He shrugged before letting out a laugh as he approached the counter. “It was so fucking cool” 

“Hey! Language,” Robin scolded. “There’s children around here!”

Dustin said something back but you missed it since you were being lifted up in the air. You let out a small scream before sighing in relief as you were placed back down on the ground. 

“Relax, baby. I wouldn’t drop you.” Steve rolled his eyes before placing a soft kiss on your forehead. 

“I know, dummy. I just don’t appreciate being lifted in the air unexpectedly.” You leaned into his chest as he wrapped his arms around you. 

“You want your usual, darling?” He asked, pulling away and walking towards the counter. “Or did you want to try something different? We got a new flavor.” 

“Surprise me,” You shrugged. “Am I good to go sit in the back?” 

“Don’t tell him that or you’ll have every single flavor stacked on a cone.” Robin scoffed. 

“He can’t even stack two scoops,” You chuckle as Steve lets out an offended gasp.

“Go to the back, you’re so mean.” Steve fake pouts as he points to the door. “El is back there by the way, just so you know. Max brought her here but she went to the bathroom so I told El she could eat her ice cream back there since. . .ya know,” 

You shoot him a thumbs up as you push the door open. Eleven looks up from her spot at the small table, ice cream on her upper lip and nose, and gives you a small smile. 

“Hi, El! I didn’t think you were allowed to be here. I thought Hopper had a rule about public places.” You sit down across from her. “Not that I’m unhappy to see you!” You add on when you notice her confused face. 

“I make my own rules.” She grins. “That’s what Max said,” She takes another lick from her ice cream. “She also said Mike is a piece of shit.” 

“What? Why?” You hold back a laugh. You had never heard her cuss before, so it was amusing to hear. 

“He lied about his Nana being sick.” She looked down at her lap. Her face pulling down into a frown. "To avoid seeing me."

“Yeah, he is a piece of shit.” You shake your head. “Hey, don’t be sad. This is on him, not you.” You reach over to hold her hand, giving it a little squeeze.

“Hurt?” She tilts her head. 

“It does hurt when someone you love lies to you but-” 

“No, hurt.” She points at your wrist. “You,”

You glance down and realize your sleeve had moved up a little when you reached across the table. You quickly pull your arm back and tug it back down. 

“No, um,” You take a deep breath. “I’m okay, I just fell. Don’t worry about it, alright?”

The door flew open and Steve waltzed in holding a cup of ice cream. He paused when he saw the look on your face before glancing over at El. 

“Everything okay?” He sat the cup down on the table with a questioning look. 

You looked at El with pleading eyes. 

“She’s hurt,” El answers him. “Arm”

You felt your world stop as your eyes darted back and forth between the two of them. You weren’t mad at her, no, she was just worried. She was still learning basic social cues and emotions, so of course she wouldn’t have understood the look you gave her. She just saw that you were hurt and wanted to make sure you were alright. 

“Oh, what happened sweetheart?” Steve asked. “Can I see?” 

“I-I-um,” You stuttered, still frozen in the position you were when he came in. 

“Did you fall again? You are the queen of falling after all.” He teased as he reached for your arm. You wanted to pull away, to make up an excuse but your body wouldn’t let you. You felt your sleeve move as he pulled it up and even though you couldn’t see his face you could hear him inhale sharply and felt the tension radiating off of him as he stood still. A full minute passed until he finally spoke. “Alright, baby girl. Let’s go.” His voice was shaky but gentle. 

“Don’t you still have half an hour left?” You forced yourself to look at him as you stood but he avoided your gaze and kept his focus on the door.

“It’s fine,” He placed his hand on your back as he guided you toward the door.

“Bye, El.” You called over your shoulder. 

“Bye, Y/N” She gave a small wave, confusion written all over her face. 

“Robin, I’m leaving,” Steve barely even looked in her direction as he continued to lead you out of the shop. 

“Uh, hello? Can you not wait? I can’t close on my own, dingus!” Robin scoffed, looking up from the register. 

“Dustin can help,” Steve answered, pushing you along a little faster. 

“What?” You heard Dustin yell as you swiftly walked toward the entrance of the mall. 

Steve remained silent the entire walk to his car but his hand stayed on your back. He opened the passenger's side door for you. You crawled inside and brought your knees up to your chest. Your heart raced as you waited for him to get inside. Your mind was an endless black hole of how things would play out. Would he leave you? Yell at you? Call you stupid? Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Steve slamming the door behind him as he got in. You wanted to say something but nothing would come out. The only sound was the music playing softly on the radio. You snuck a quick peek over at Steve and saw he was looking straight ahead with a look on his face that held so much emotion you couldn’t even pinpoint how he was feeling. The two of you remained like that for the next hour. 

---

“I didn’t want you to know, Stevie.” 

“Why?” 

You looked down at your hands and fiddled with your fingers. “You have problems too, and I didn’t want to add onto those. I figured that I could handle this and that I’d be able to stop, but I couldn’t and-” You choked back a sob as tears ran down your face and you felt Steve’s thumb gently wipe them away. 

“Y/N, look at me.” Steve whispered. You looked over at him and he took your face in his hands. “You don’t have to tell me everything, you don’t even have to talk if you don’t want to. You can just cry, scream, or do whatever it is you need but please, please come to me. I’ll listen to you or I’ll just hold you while you let it all out but you can’t hurt yourself anymore, baby.” He placed a kiss on your forehead before speaking again. “I know that’s easier said than done, so if you do hurt yourself again you can tell me, okay? I won’t be mad because I can’t just expect you to stop instantly but I want to help you.  I want to be there for you. Your problems are my problems, angel. Do you know how many times you’ve stayed up with me when I had a nightmare? Or when you helped patch me up after Hargrove beat the shit out of me? You’re there for me, so please, please, let me be there for you. I don’t care what time it is, call me and I’ll be there” 

The sobs you were trying so hard to hold back finally broke free. Your body shook with every breath you took as you cried into his shoulder. Steve gently wrapped his arms around you and you felt his hand begin to rub your back as he kissed the top of your head. He held you until you finally felt all cried out and you slowly pulled away. 

“Better?” He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. You nodded, a smile forming on your face. “Good, darling. How about we go rent a movie, get some snacks and you can sleep over?”

“Can we watch The Breakfast Club?” 

“Again?” He raises an eyebrow. “Didn’t we just watch it last week?”

“Yes, but I wanna watch it again.” You whine. “Please?” You stick your bottom lip out and bat your eyes. 

“Oh come on. You know I can’t resist the bambi look.” He groans while rolling his eyes. “Ugh, okay fine. Anything for you, pretty girl.” He sighs as he starts the car. “You’re lucky I love you” He reaches his hand over and places it on your thigh before driving out of the parking lot.