hiatus

“must’ve really scared him, huh?” you nod proudly and he suggests getting ice cream to celebrate.

childhood friend! suguru rushes out of his house when he hears yells from yours next door. he knows you prefer to leave the house when your family decides to fight, despite the countless times he has told you how unsafe it is to be out so late. he grabs his bike and sets out after you.

childhood friend! suguru, whose heart finally settles when he finds you on the swing in the park you frequent. he rings his bell, and you look up at him. everything feels alright again. he gets up and walks up to you, his eyes never leaving yours as he grabs you by the hands and seats you on the backseat of his bike.

you wrap your arms around his waist and lean your head against his back as he cycles to his house, your sanctuary.

childhood friend! suguru is doing his work, seated at his desk in your freshman year of college, when you latch your arms around his neck, showing him the text you just received.

"the guy from orgo lab asked me out on a date."

he instinctively grabs the phone out of your hands, grip tightening. he stops writing and looks up at you with a look you can’t quite catch.

“are…you?” he asks. you shrug, smiling unsurely. this marks the first time you’ve been asked out— the first time suguru has let his guard down enough for another guy to ask you.

“should i go…?” you hesitantly mumble. even though being desired should have filled you with giddy, you found yourself feeling a little strange.

he bites his lip, pausing before averting his gaze back to his sheet. his fingers start moving again. “if you want to.”

it’s not the answer you want. you look up at the clock hung on his wall, it’s a few minutes before curfew. sighing, you detach yourself from him.

“okay.” he doesn’t catch the disappointment in your tone, you pat his shoulder before you start for the door.

you look back at him. "and before you ask, i can walk back alone."

“then text me when you reach your room.” he gently smiles.

“night, suguru.”

“night, angel.”

he waits until the door clicks behind you before he crumbles the page of scribbles he had just written.

holy fuck. he messed up.

childhood friend! suguru balls up his fists at the posts your guy, neo, shared of him and you. you ended up going on that date.

he narrows his eyes as he zooms into the guy’s face. he thinks he looks normal. nothing special, he’s not even close to being worthy of you.

but he starts questioning, is he your type? that lame little guy?suguru lifts his head to look at his reflection in the wardrobe mirror in front of him, analyzing his face before shortly groaning and rolling his head back. “should’ve picked a class that didn’t coincide with her lab.”

he blocks the guy.

childhood friend! suguru greets you with unusually short answers when you ask about plans for the summer. he can't meet your eyes, he can't look at you without acknowledging how big of a mistake he made.

childhood friend! suguru has been distant ever since, no longer knocking on your dorm room, no longer walking you to classes, bringing you leftover food from club events, asking you to join him and satoru on the latter’s shenanigans, and just straight up humming with disinterest whenever you end up together.

childhood friend! suguru forgets all about his regretful sentiments when your friend calls him at 10 pm to ask about your whereabouts.

“she isn’t with you?” he’s already gathering his things to leave his study group.

“no-no, we were at the bar, it’s crowded and-”

“send me your location.” he hangs up.

it takes him five minutes to get there and only two to find you. you’re sitting at one of the corner tables with three guys around you, one’s hand is on your shoulder, seeming to make small talk except you seem far from interested. there’s an uncomfortable look in your eye and suguru doesn’t miss it.

“hands off, motherfucker.”

irritated, the man looks behind before realizing who the voice belongs to. he takes his hands off and looks away as he moves aside.

you look up at him with surprise, and you almost smile but he only returns a disapproving look.

“let’s go.” he grabs your wrist and marches the two of you out of there.

childhood friend! suguru can’t seem to get words out as you confront him about his distant behavior lately. he stays silent, still walking as you exasperatedly ask him from behind.

“i mean, you can’t even talk to me.” you’re desperate but he doesn't respond. he’s set on not saying a word, but that changes when there's a splash followed by sudden silence. he looks back and you’re not where you just stood, but in the river you were walking alongside.

childhood friend! suguru “why would you do that?” he asks angrily once he pulls you out, searching in your eyes for a possible reason. “was that on purpose? why would you walk so close to the ledge?” his voice is filled with confusion, frustration, worry, anger. you’d never seen him so furious before. he takes your hands in his, getting down on his knees to be on eye-level with you.

his voice is softer now. “they were bothering you, and you didn’t call me. since when did you go to bars? since when did you stop sharing your location-”

“you don’t like me anymore.” you cut him off, you’re trying not to tear up but it happens anyway. “you’re my only family suguru, nobody loves me like you. i can’t stand what’s happening between us, it’s so fucking lonely and i don’t know what to do.”

his heart twinges and he wastes no time engulfing you into a hug, eyes filling up with guilt as your muffled sobs get louder. he backs up momentarily to remove the wet strands from your face, getting a clearer look at your tear-stained face, and it only hurts him more. you feel like this because of him.

“we’ve been side by side for all our lives, i really can’t stand you not loving me anymore.” you quietly say.

“i’m not angry at you, okay?” he assures you, caressing your cheek. “i was angry at myself. I’m sorry. i love you, i swear i’ll always love you, i promise.” he apologizes as he takes off his jacket, draping it over you before turning around to get you on his back.

childhood friend! suguru takes you back to his room, handing you one of his shirts and shorts to change into. he’s pleased that you’re back with him again. he hates to admit it, but he's happy his presence meant that much to you.

“didn’t i leave a change of clothes here last time?” you ask, scanning through the stacks of clothes in his closet.

“might’ve thrown them in the wash with my laundry.” he lies. he wouldn’t miss an opportunity to see you in his clothes.

childhood friend! suguru is slightly taken aback when you start changing in front of him. sure, you had done that since you were kids, but things were different now. ears fully red, he turns away, asking where all your modesty had gone as you hush him by launching your wet shirt at him.

childhood friend! suguru starts drying your hair as you slowly lean back on his chest, goosebumps forming when the back of his hand brushes against you. you’re suddenly aware of the feeling that accompanies the proximity between you.

childhood friend! sugur is equally as happy as he is nerve-stricken that you seem to sense the tension between you, finally. after some hesitation, you gaze up at him, and he looks at you the way he always does, but there’s more longing, more hope, an end goal he sees only in your eyes. you catch it this time.

but suguru doesn't want to get his hopes up.

“how’s it going with neo?”

“huh?”

“how’s neo been treating you?”

you abruptly shake your head and that’s when it all falls into place. he’s jealous.

“suguru i haven’t been on another date after the last…i didn’t like him, i just,” you look down and fiddle with his fingers. “I guess I wanted to see how it felt like, being asked out.”

“oh.” he bites his lips to restrain the smile forming on his face. “i see.”

you smile to yourself as you lift your head to meet his eyes again. "you relieved?"

he laughs lightly, "just thought you didn't need me anymore."

you frown at him, reaching for his face, and he automatically leans into your touch. "don't be an idiot, suguru. i'll always need you, i needed you then," you trail off, careful with your next words. "and i need you now."

he nods as he takes in the information, trying to quietly swallow the lump in his throat. "you do?"

"i do.” you clear your throat, pulling your hands back from his warm face, afraid he’d sense how nervous you are. a small pout forms on his face at the loss of contact and you send him a teasing smile. “so what was that earlier? you love me?”

he pinches your cheek, glancing away momentarily. “you know i’ve always loved you.”

he's right. he’s always shown you love, but you’re curious if it’s the innocent kind you’ve shared since the first day of kindergarten, or the kind you recently realized he makes you feel.

you shift a little. “in what way?”

your question catches him off guard and he brings his eyes back to yours again.

childhood friend! suguru finally gathers enough courage to do what he has wanted to since the second year of middle school.

“this way.” he gently cups your cheeks and you stay frozen in place, hearts beating in synchrony as he closes the distance between you, and you’re more than happy to reciprocate it.

boyfriend! suguru doesn’t sleep a wink with you in his arms, his heart simply won’t allow him. he thanks the world for the conveniently timed thunderstorm that makes you nuzzle closer every time it strikes. it takes him a while to accept that it’s real, you’re in his arms, not as a friend, but as his girlfriend.

he runs one hand through the strands of your hair while the other fumbles for his phone. his screen lights up brightly before he adjusts it, glancing down at your sleeping form to make sure it hasn’t woken you. But he finds you too cute to look away yet, so he presses gentle kisses to your skin in hopes it would satisfy the urge to hold you closer than humanly possible.

he then opens instagram and unblocks neo.