Show me the booty, Gimme the booty.

i finally have the words for it

I get genuinely sad thinking of it a lot

The only times even my most recent ex looked at me with full love in his eyes

Was only right after he had his fill of my body

in the moment i loved it, bathed in the gaze of "love"

But now, no, not at all

I dont think i can date anyone with a lot of testosterone or a high libido ever again

Trans guys/cis guys

I genuinely just feel sad lonely and broken

To only be lusted after, not loved

To learn everything there is in therapy, self help books, you learn what to say, how to say it, no, softer, and softer still

For it to never matter anyways if the other person doesnt do it

Completely pointless if anything

Even now... i have people who want me

But do they actually want me? Or just my body?

Its always the latter.

I want to be cherished, to be understood, to be loved whole heartedly

"If i had a body like that i'd flaunt it too"

"Your body is perfect, dont change anything"

Why do i only get fucking compliments on my body?????

I cant do this anymore i cant keep pretending to be okay being used, its the only way i felt like i could be loved

Even if for a heated moment

How many times do i have to explain it to others?

How many times do i have to explain how to love, explain how i feel, and then to find someone TRULY like me?

I get having some standards i suppose, i understand

But you people dont love the soul

You love with condition

You love with the condition this person won a genetic lottery that is pleasing enough to your fucking eyes

Do you actually care about that person?

If they were a little uglier would you still be with this person?

You dont fucking think of it

Cuz youre fucking animals

You dont care

you just want to have your fill

Who cares? Right?

Everyone else does it, so you should to

Just fuck

Just fuck

And keep fucking

this doesn't include the conversation we had 6 months after we broke up

where he berated me for 2 hours and then immediately after accused me of "shutting him down" LMFAO

Also not including the thing he needed help with, when i offered to take care of it he accused me of trying to take over his life. (It was making a doctor's appt 🤪) Looking back:

All i feel is pity, this boy was so traumatized that his insecurity and paranoia led him to such insane resentment. I am not sure if anything other than complete detachment would have made him feel safe in our relationship.

I dont think he's evil, or an asshole, i think he's just deeply at least, relationship wise emotionally stunted and traumatized and should seek therapy, like he said he would when we started dating lol

He still does SUPER suck for trying to save his ego half a year after our relationship ended by accusing me of neglecting him when i begged for him to do any kind of couples counselling, therapy, and weekly emotional check ins during our entire relationship (when they were also prerequisites to dating me) though.

remember kids:

It is *NOT NORMAL* to think your partner is out to get you all the time!

THAT IS ACTUALLY INSANE??!

if you GENUINELY think your partner is out to get you

please second guess why you're dating them in the first place and move your life around accordingly,

and if you realize "oh wait, they aren't" you need to question where those feelings are coming from, communicate it to your partner and seek professional help