bargain batman

The Umbrella Academy S04E01

five was an assassin in season 1 who killed countless amounts of innocent people. he had arrested development, was forced to become an assassin (ultimately by himself in another timeline) and kill people, and the only thing that kept him sane was idealizing this concept of saving his family that he barely remembers anymore

it was a coping mechanism he clung to. people even pointed out to him over the course of the show that he was an apocalypse junkie. it’s because he could fixate on that shit to keep the horrors and loneliness from setting in

he has arrested development, never got to have a life or a (real) love, he’s extremely lonely and only gets lonelier when he feels like he’s babysitting and taking care of the other hargreeves

he does not have a life

lila was the only one around him who had a similar disposition. she was drawn to the time travel, the adrenaline, the thrill. they even straight up said in the previous season she wouldn’t be cut out for domestic life.

none of this is to say that lila and five weren’t genuine. they did still love and care about their respective families. lila loved her children and five did care about saving his siblings

but it’s deeper than that 😭 they were desperately lonely people who already felt out of place because of the way they were forced to grow up. the handler raised lila in a way that left her with lingering dysfunction. five didn’t even get to have an upbringing. it’s just more nuanced than what people say it is