You’re Fucking Amazing, Flaws And All

Being healthy, happy and at peace with myself while he deals with his own mistakes. I don’t wish bad upon him, but for once I feel at the top. So many nights I felt unworthy, and here I am worth it all.

i wanted it to be him. he promised it'd be him, and now im left with nothing. just empty dreams, and memories of what could've been us.

when you see a picture of him, you may think he has life all figured out. when you speak to him, you may assume he carries this confidence for himself like no one else you may know. when you hear him laugh, you probably imagine how imazingly genuine this guy is-- unlike the others. what you don't know is that he does not have life figured out. he doubts himself each time he stands before a crowd, and battles with his thoughts of how he thinks he should be in front of others. and as for originality, he tends to take credit for everything good in his life and take for granted every good person in his life. She knew this all about him. His fears, his doubts, his thoughts, his insecurities and dreams. She knew exactly who he was and who he wasn't. She knew how many kids he wanted and at what age. She knew how many friends he truly could count on and the things that made him scared. She knew this all of him. And regardless, she loved him.

You are my weakness, and when I say that I mean it in the most vulnerable way. You could break me one hundred times, scream at me that you don't love me a hundred and one times, but I'll be back forgiving you a thousand more. It's as if I have removed any fault from you, have excused your toxic behavior and have accepted you for who you are. Even when I cry myself to sleep, wondering if I am good enough -- I'll still reply to you with a smile and my heart beating out of my chest the second you decide to text me back. With you I am self destructable. While I know how much pain you bring into my life, fully aware of it I continue to let you be both my happiness and my tears. My storm and my rainbow. My broken heart and my strength. And although you have taught me the greatest lessons this life has to offer, I believe that I have destroyed myself enough to understand that I am the only one that can fix myself at this point. When you have broken me one thousand times, its about time I start forgiving myself for my self destruction, and let you deal with yours.

Dear Anon! Thank you for worrying, I am doing beautifully amazing. Just had to get it out of my chest. Thank you for asking. 💜

And if you're okay with that, it's completely okay to love someone who will never love you back.”

She shook her head in dissapointment and said, "No, you didn't. You did not miss me, as a matter of fact you don't even know what missing someone feels like, or what it is. Missing someone is feeling an emptiness everytime something good or bad happens in your life, and you think of them instantly wishing they were around to experience life-- its good and bad moments. Missing someone is not being able to forget their memories no matter how much you try, and hating yourself for it. You have no idea what missing someone feels like, because if you truly did, we would not be here after so many years. And just like before, your actionless words were able to speak that for themselves."

"So you finally found the courage to leave, huh? I actually never thought I'd see the day my bestfriend would finally let go. What happened, what made you finally do it?" Staring into the emptiness of the day, she had been avoiding this question, many had asked- her mom, her cousins, even her grandmother noted the change in her, as also the empty confident smile she shared. "Honestly, it was time. I can't explain it, it was no longer love, it was no longer friendship. It was just a routine- a habit I had grown accustomed to. I felt it was time when he compared our kisses, as also the topic and feeling our conversations carried when we started falling in love. He no longer tried to get to me, he grew tired of persuing me- because he knew I would never leave his side. He stopped making me laugh crazily, as also felt cold and empty when I reached out for his hand. It was different, I started missing him even when he was standing next to me. I started missing the person I had first fallen in love with, I started contemplating and becoming upset when he did not have a sassy snarky comment in return of mine, instead he was snappy and serious all the time. He was no longer the person I loved all these years, and no matter how much it hurt to see him go. It was time. Because I honestly don't know what is worse that seeing the man you loved standing in front of you, but miss him at the same time."