evello

WHO: @dianacarrow​​ WHERE: Rosier Family Home

“We need to be careful.”          Dru let out a gentle huff, a small smile playing at her lips. “It’s just a vanishing cabinet, Diana – I saw the other one in Vinda’s apartment when we were there last, and I just want to be certain we didn’t leave anything important behind.”

-

  Diana listened, recalling their last trip to Paris, to visit Vinda’s apatment. She wasn’t sure she ever really wanted to go back, but if Druella wanted to? She wouldn’t say no. She understood wanting to make certain they hadn’t left anything important behind. “Careful doesn’t mean I’m saying no, darling. We’ll go back to Paris.” She agreed, though she knew she should consider asking permission first. Her eyes drifted toward the cabinet, admiring the way it was beautifully crafted. She couldn’t help but be fascinated. Maybe she’d just ask forgiveness later instead. “Should we go now, then?” She pressed. 

“I just don’t understand what it is he does. I know he’s a lawyer, I mean he’s worked with my family for years, but then why is he always at the Hogs Head? And what is Agnes’ job? Everyone at the Hogs Head seems to know him, and I don’t know if you know this, but after midnight? It’s quite different there.” 

I’m CHANGING MY MIND. Going with the meme instead. 

Dove Cameron - Count Me In 

If I'm the sun then you're the moon If you're the words then I'm the tune yeah If you're the heart then I'm the beat Somehow together we're complete yeah

There are times my world is crumbling and the rain is crashing down But everywhere you are the sun comes out

Fedya, of course, knew what was in those transcripts. He’d still been an apprentice when Mars and Morgana Carrow went on trial, but he’d been in and out of the Grindelwald associates’ trials in those years doing research and sorting through mountains of discovery for the senior lawyers. Whatever he hadn’t heard the first time round, he’d had to read for the custody case. 

“I think I’ve got a copy of the transcripts in my files somewhere, if you ever do want it.” He said it casually, though he wasn’t actually sure if he’d rather Diana take it or not. Alcaeus probably wouldn’t be thrilled, but hey. It was public record. If he didn’t still have a copy, he could easily order one. “It is all in the past though, you’re right. You were a child, you weren’t responsible for any of it. Other people made the decisions they did and that’s their problem.”

-

    Diana paused, eyes lifting to meet Fedya’s. She had a copy of the transcripts herself, or well, she knew where one was. It still sat in the same spot, in Uncle’s study. She could go to it at any time, but she hadn’t brought herself to, not since the first time she’d demanded to see them and then changed her mind courtesy of support from friends. “Thank you.” She murmured, “That’s very thoughtful, but I think I’ve heard enough now to get the general idea.” She admitted, glancing back down. She knew she ought to be ashamed, of her parents, of her surname, but it was complicated still. Even now. What kind of monster did that make her? 

    She appreciated his attempt at removing the blame from her, but she should have known more. She should’ve asked more questions, or been more observant. Instead she’d been so focused on herself, on what she wanted to see. “Have you been to Azkaban, Fedya?” She asked, rather abruptly. 

“I know you would’ve wanted to help.” Vulcan said softly, “It’s why I never told you.” He had fought so hard to get her that happiness, that beautiful world. Why would he ruin it unless he had no other choice? If she’d known she would’ve done something about it. Living it through it alone would’ve been loads better than letting Diana share the load.

When she said she believed him, Vulcan could feel his throat go a bit tighter. He knew that he’d not given her much reason to do so, he knew how much easier the beautiful lie would have been to live with. If she hadn’t believed him, he wouldn’t have blamed her for a second.

“Of course. Of course we can. I’ll owl Crouch, let him know I’ve fallen ill. Food poisoning. We can have the afternoon, if you’d like it.” Vulcan didn’t care. He could find another job if it came to that. He’d never find another sister.

–

   It was infuriating, for Vulcan to continue to express an understanding of the way she operated, when she’d been kept so in the dark in turn. She’d trusted him, at every moment, in every decision, even when she didn’t understand, even when she was afraid, and he’d not trusted her in the same way. It stung, even if that hadn’t been his intention. She understood she’d been a child, but then, so had he. He’d been young too. It wasn’t fair for him to shelter it all alone. “You should have told me.” She protested, though there was a part of her, that small, childish part, that already yearned to forget. No doubt she would have wished he hadn’t told her then too. It was easier, to believe her parents were good people. It was easier to believe his hands were clean. 

    She didn’t even fully accept the truths he’d put before her, how could she be trusted with it when she was younger? She wasn’t a child anymore, and yet, even now she struggled. She exhaled slowly, fingers coming up to card through her blonde tresses. Her mother’s hair. People had always said she was the spitting image of Morgana, with Mars’ eyes and nose. Did they believe she reflected her mother in other ways too? Anger bubbled, sudden and unbidden. Her mother, who had stood by and let father hurt Vulcan, who had helped raise him in such a way that he felt himself unworthy and tainted. Her father, who abused his own son. She swallowed thickly, sitting upright again, as her fingers clenched and unclenched in her lap. She’d been angry before, when everything had happened, and again at times throughout her childhood, but she’d never felt this kind of anger. 

      “How can they be both?” She whispered, knowing she should wait, that they should go to Vulcan’s flat before continuing, and perhaps he would wait to answer her, but she needed to know. How could the parents she loved so dearly, who had done nothing but make he feel safe, loved, and precious, be so vile, so cruel and vicious, and evil? How could she feel both hatred for them, and love? Was she a monster too? She nodded, no longer trusting her voice as he prepared to arrange for his absence. 

where: a bar somewhere with: anyone

They had made a half decent attempt not to draw attention to themselves since returning, and in most situations they found themselves successful but that evening had taken a turn in the wrong direction and it seemed that it was not meant to be. Having been completely overlooked by an idiot with a full pint of beer, they had found themselves drenched in the liquid and left to stand in a corner, sopping wet and practically hissing, as angry as a freshly bathed cat. 

Unfortunately, since they had left their wand on top of their desk before leaving work that evening, drying their shirt had been out of the question. With a hasty glance around them, they quickly lifted their shirt over their head, but found themselves stuck with the material caught in their hair. “Oh, dammit” they muttered, tugging on the material and accidentally slamming their elbow into the nearest wall as someone they couldn’t see approached. They crossed their fingers that they were friendly. “Hello, could you er- help? Please?” they asked, sheepishly. “Just tug it”.

-

   Diana didn’t spend much time in bars, but there were times that called for it, and truthfully she had come to learn that it was a good way to spend time with people. She’d gotten over some of the hesitation she’d possessed, even if she knew she often stuck out like a sore thumb. She’d tried to dress better for the bar, her jumper still tucked neatly into the tea length skirt she’d selected, but the jumper was wool and not nearly as elegant as she could’ve gone with. She settled with her drink, eyes watching the other patrons. People watching helped her at times. She couldn’t help wondering what their lives were like, what they went home to, where they’d come from. It got her out of her own head, out of the painful realization that she didn’t truly know many of the people in her life. At least these people were ones she didn’t pretend to know. 

    Her eyes landed on Jacq, sympathy filling her as she watched them smack into the wall. She winced, imagining how it felt, and got up, leaving her drink behind as she came over, reaching out to steady them. “Of course, stay still.” She commanded, carefully helping them out of their shirt. She positioned herself to block the view of anyone else. “Are you alright?” She asked, “I can dry that for you, get rid of the stains.” She added, willing to help. “Or I can get you something new to wear altogether. If you walk, I’l follow, we can go to the restroom and get you cleaned up without anyone staring.” 

I’m beginning to think you’re serious in that offer. It had always been clear that Diana didn’t know the full extent of what went on, which had been much more appropriate when she’d been a child than it was now. It wasn’t Fedya’s business though, so he merely shrugged. “You know I’ve got your back, зая.”

Not a breakup then. Fedya searched his mind for what else he knew about Diana’s life– she had some kind of job with clothes, hung out with that little menace that was always at the Hog’s Head, was friends with Agnes and the Blacks and the rest of that crowd. None of that seemed all that likely of a cause, though. “That kind of magic’s never been my thing, sorry.” Or much magic in general– words had always worked out better for him. “What kind of thing, if you don’t mind me asking?”

-

   Diana softened around the edges at the term of endearment. She certainly didn’t speak Russian, but she’d learned a few things simply by getting to know Fedya, and through Galina. “I do.” She agreed. Fedya was someone she knew she could owl, day or night, and he’d do his best to help her. Alcaeus had explained that to her when they’d gone to him back in seventh year, but more, she’d seen it in his actions, and in the way he protected his sister. Wasn’t that all Vulcan had meant to do with her? And yet, she wasn’t sure this was the same. 

    She nodded, exhaling as he apologized for not being able to help in that way. She suspected it was more an unwillingness to help, but it was no matter. She didn’t really want that kind of help anyway. She swallowed, hesitant to answer him, but she trusted him. Immensely. “I never read the transcripts, of my parents trial. I didn’t want to know all of it, but Vulcan and I got into an argument, and some of it came out, things I wish I could unhear.” She offered a hesitant smile. “But it’s alright. It’s in the past now.” She lifted her tea cup to her lips, eyes devoid of the light usually found there. 

   Searched. Arrested. Interrogated.  Diana knew it was always possible, such was the way of things these days. The law did not care if you were innocent if your blood was tainted by the actions of those you once held dear, or those you still did. Cygnus had nothing to do with the actions of those distantly related to him, and yet, like vultures, the aurors had jumped at the slightest plausible cause to tear apart his home and arrest him. Diana’s stomach twisted in displeasure as her fingers tightened on her tea cup. Her home had been thoroughly searched before. She knew all too well what it felt like to have a place of security torn up, to see clothes, personal belongings, sentimental pieces, tossed about like they were worthless. To know that Cygnus endured that too? She hated them. 

     Aurors were meant to protect them, but who protected them from the aurors? She pressed her tongue to the roof of her mouth, just behind her teeth as she waited. Cygnus’ words led her to one conclusion. Maddox was an idiot. She knew it well, but never did she think he’d be this undeniably reckless. Cruel. He’d been there with her throughout her parents trial, enduring her moods, her fears, and yet he’d still seen fit to do this? She should have sent for Podric too, but she couldn’t take any chances that he’d shelter his best friend from any of the words she needed to say. They were burning in her veins. He would listen to every one. 

                                                                        ––––––

     Maddox should have known. He’d been careless with his words, but he hadn’t been blameless in weaponizing them. He didn’t believe for a moment Cygnus was as blameless as everyone made him out to be, and with all the bullshit going on, maybe it was time for someone to check in on him. He didn’t think Cygnus would get sent to Azkaban or anything, but the bastard deserved to have his feathers ruffled. Didn’t he? But now he had to deal with Diana. Her letter hadn’t said as much, but it was no better than a damn summons. Sometimes he didn’t know how Podric put up with her. Except that he did. Because he liked her too, even if she could be too much at times. He sighed deeply as he made his way up to the Manor. He didn’t know why she still lived there. The place creeped him out. The building loomed over him, haunting, no doubt filled with secrets Diana ignored. 

     He swallowed, lifting his hand to knock when the door swung open. A small elf peered up at him, “Mistress Carrow is in the drawing room. She will see you now.” He croaked. Maddox clenched his jaw before nodding, “thank you.” He added before stepping inside. He wiped his feet at the door before heading through the halls toward the drawing room. He’d been there before, but it had been awhile. He far preferred hanging out with Di literally anywhere else. The door to the drawing room was open, but he still hesitated at the entry way. Fire crackled in the fireplace, a family portrait resting on the mantel. He could see Diana sitting in one of the chairs, a box with sewing supplies tucked beside her. There was a tea set out as well, the tea pot moving to pour a cup for him as it recognized the presence of another. His mouth suddenly felt dry. “Hey, what’s with the formalities?” He asked, sheepishly. 

                                                                       ––––––

    Diana turned, sitting up straighter as she heard Maddox arrive. Immediately he was joking with her. What was wrong with him? She frowned, moving to stand. Her hand swept over her skirt as she did. “This isn’t a joke, Maddox.” She scolded, gesturing for him to come and sit with her. “I know what you did to Cygnus. Against my better judgement, I’m praying there’s some sort of innocent explanation for why you’d do something so selfish, so stupid.” She added, wanting to give him the opportunity to speak first. Once she started, she had little doubt he wouldn’t be able to get a word in edgewise. It was only fair for him to explain first. 

     She moved to sit again as Maddox made his way over. He looked guilty. Good. He should feel guilty. She offered him the teacup, watching as he took it with a quiet thank you, but set it aside, uninterested for the time being. “Look, Di. I know he’s your friend, though I still don’t understand why. It wasn’t a big deal, I was talking to Reynard, and some things got said that maybe shouldn’t have. He’s not going to Azkaban, he just had a shitty night, and you know after everything he’s done, maybe that’s a little just dessert, you know?” He began. 

     Diana blinked slowly. Rage filled her as she sat silently, watching him. It wasn’t a big deal? He deserved it? She should have known Maddox didn’t have the maturity to actually talk about this, to see that what he’d done was cruel and selfish. “No.” She agreed, “He’s not going to Azkaban, because thankfully he has an excellent team of lawyers who know what they’re doing, but you didn’t know that, Maddox. You didn’t know anything that would happen. You were so excited to jump at this opportunity to hurt him, over this––this feud you two have that you didn’t think at all!” She shrilled, voice rising as Maddox settled back, wisely quieting.

      “You have no idea what it’s like, to have your home torn apart, to be accused of awful things like that. You got him arrested, interrogated, Maddox!” She continued, voice wavering as she set her tea cup down to avoid spilling any of it. “You think this is a game, but this is someone’s life. Someone I care about. You’re selfish and mean, and I can’t believe you still don’t understand that.” She shook her head, frowning as he responded. 

       Maddox’s jaw clenched. “Selfish, and mean? I’m selfish and mean?” He demanded. After all the times he’d dealt with her, all the times he’d born her sharp tongue, her so called friends? He’d never even complained that she was close to Cygnus, not to her anyway. “It was a joke, Diana. For fucks sake, lighten up. Not everything is so serious.” He huffed, trying his best to keep the growl from his voice. 

     “Yes it is!” Diana shouted. “Merlin, Maddox. Don’t you get it? You think this is funny? He could’ve been hurt, or sent to Azkaban. Jokes aren’t supposed to hurt people, and you know that! You say that all the time, but here you let yourself be blinded over something so stupid! If you don’t like him, fine, but this was too far.” She insisted, in disbelief. Was he being defensive just for the sake of it, or did he really feel he’d done nothing wrong? She shook her head, moving to stand at the same time Maddox did. 

     “Yeah, Di! I thought it was funny. It was a joke that the auror chose to take seriously. I didn’t do that. I didn’t say go arrest him. I didn’t tell them to go tear his house apart. You know why they did? Because they also believe he’s not as innocent as he claims to be. I know you hate thinking about it, I get it. These people are your friends, your family, but they aren’t all good Diana. Not everyone actually wants what’s best for you or anyone else. You think they’d all treat you the same if you weren’t a pureblood? You think you’d have the same experience if your last name was something else?” He demanded, standing in front of her. 

     Diana’s eyes flashed with hurt as she looked up at Maddox, taken aback by his words. Is this what he truly felt? Did he think she was just a naive, spoiled pureblood who couldn’t see past the ugly truth? Her stomach twisted as she shook her head. “You don’t even know him.” She insisted, voice colder. “You think you do, but you haven’t got any idea.” 

     “Yeah? Then why are you so afraid? If he didn’t have anything to hide, this should be an inconvenience, nothing more. But here you are, terrified that he could go to Azkaban. Why is that, Diana? They don’t send people to Azkaban who are innocent, Diana. You know that.” He challenged, watching her. He knew he was overstepping, again. Podric was going to kill him, but Merlin she was pissing him off. If Cygnus had nothing to hide, this shouldn’t matter. They both knew she was afraid because the possibility of him not being innocent was all too real. “You wanna blame the aurors, you wanna blame everyone who calls out the bullshit, but you don’t want to face the truth. Some of the people you love are bad people, Di. I’m sorry. It’s just the truth. You wouldn’t be afraid if you didn’t know that.” 

     Diana inhaled, watching him as angry tears welled in he eyes. She willed them away, standing quietly to collect herself. “Innocent people get swept up in these things too, Maddox, because your precious aurors are just as blinded as you are. They believed you because Cygnus knows people, just like I do. What do you think would happen if you said my home had dark and dangerous artefacts hidden? Do you think the aurors would care that I haven’t done anything? Like you said, my experience is different because of my name.” She argued, watching as he had the good sense to look apologetic. “They’d love to have a reason to go after me, to have unrestricted access to the manor, and they feel the same about Cygnus. You gave them their reason, Maddox. You. I’m supposed to be able to trust you.”

      He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Look Di, not everything’s gonna end up the same way as your parents. They were into some deep shit, you know. They would’ve found a reason eventually for them too, even if Vulcan hadn’t––” 

    “Stop it!” Diana shouted. 

    Maddox bristled, but wet his lips before nodding. “Yeah, I know. Sensitive topic, but we both know I’m right. This is very different than your parents, Diana. You can hate the aurors all you want, they’re just doing their job.” He insisted. “You have no reason to believe they were unprofessional with Cygnus. They might’ve been looking for a reason to investigate, but why is that, Di? Because it’s Tuesday and they felt like it? Don’t be so stupid. You’re not naive, even if you wish you were. They needed a reason, it wasn’t my intention to give them one, and I’m sorry it scared you, but maybe now they’ll back off, now that they know he’s not actually hiding dark shit in his house. Your parents, they’re monsters, and that’s what aurors do. They find the monsters and they put them away, Cygnus’ problem was different.” 

     She couldn’t believe what he was saying, so cavalier, like he wasn’t talking about the way her life had been uprooted. She didn’t think, anger, and hurt crashing over her as she drew back her hand and brought it across his cheek, the smack sharp enough to make her hand sting, and redden just as his cheek did. “Don’t you dare talk about my parents.” She hissed, watching as Maddox lifted his hand, jaw clenched, holding his cheek where she’d slapped him. “What the fuck, Diana!” He shouted, angry too. He’d gone too far, he knew it, they both knew it, but she’d kept pushing and pushing him to feel guiltier than he already did. He’d snapped. Now, so had she. 

    Maddox frowned, his cheek stinging where she’d slapped him. “Okay. Okay.” He breathed, exhaling. “Look, Diana. I do care about you, I know you don’t feel like that right now, and I know I should’ve maybe been less of an asshole to Cygnus, but you don’t get to act like I’ve thrown him in Azkaban. I’m sorry I said shit about your parents, that wasn’t cool of me, but it’s true. I really never meant for them to investigate him, they must’ve had enough reason to do it. He’s fine though, right?” He asked, jaw tight, still pissed, but wanting to salvage what he could. 

    Diana turned, breaths uneven. “I think you should go.” She answered, tears welling faster now. Maddox frowned, “Diana––” he began. “Go away, Maddox!” She shouted. He withdrew, swallowing. “Yeah, alright. Alright fine. I’ll talk to you later, Di. I’m sorry again.” He muttered, before turning, heading for the door. Diana didn’t turn back around to see him out. Instead, she let the tears fall, an ugly sob tearing from her lips. Maddox had made sense, in some ways, but she knew better when it came to Cygnus. That had been wrong. They had no true reason to investigate him, not like her parents. 

Started as a question Ended as a fact When I found out I'm the only one that has my back I'm drowning 'Cause they fill my lungs with venom

And the sharks are coming out And they're hungry now, ra, da, da Sharks are coming out I put them out

“You’re lucky you can stick pins in the ones who annoy you.” She teased, grinning at Diana. If Walburga had ever had anything close to a baby cousin or a little sister, it would be Diana. Maybe the younger girl was a bit naive but perhaps Diana deserved that.

She grinned, slightly mischievous. “Oh, of course I did. My horses needed riding, didn’t they? Mum always has kept such a strict social schedule. Once I figured that out, I knew when I could pop out unnoticed. And Cygnus wouldn’t dare tell. I took him with me after all. Now I know how to scale a wall, and do a wonderful Feather Weight Charm. So I think I quite learned my lesson, don’t you?”

–

    Diana laughed, nodding in agreement, “that I can. Even Madeleine says she’s done it a time or two. Some customers simply need a gentle poke to remind them that they’re getting out of line.” She giggled, finding it was easier than expected to talk to Walburga. She hadn’t always known what to make of the eldest Black, well. Remaining Black. Cygnus had been closer in age and they’d gotten along swimmingly. Walburga was older, running with girls Diana looked up to, but wasn’t truly part of. It was nice to feel like she had grown into her heels at last. 

     “Of course they did,” She agreed, imagining Walburga’s careful attention to detail when she snuck out of the house. “It was wise of you to bring Cygnus, he’s wonderful with horses. Did he tell you he accompanied me to an auction?” She asked, eyes brightening as she thought of her own horse. “A muggleborn friend of mine seemed absolutely scandalized at the notion of being locked away in a bedroom for days at a time. Isn’t that odd?” She grinned. “Oh you most certainly did learn your lesson! I bet you’re the best at the Feather Weight Charm now, and what a lovely skill to have acquired.” She teased. “I think Uncle Alcaeus would have a heart attack if he caught me scaling a wall.” She laughed. 

She held the new deck in her hand up for the other witch to see. A tight smile on her face as she lowered it. Her knuckles turning slightly white with the intensity she held them. Too afraid to let them go or set them down. Guilt ripped through the blonde and this deck was supposed to be her saving grace. The one that called to her and told her that none of this was her fault. “Yes, I did. Tarot is just something you don’t want to ruin,” the explanation was a quick rendition of the truth. Persephone smiled, genuinely this time. It made her feel better to know that Diana was doing so well these days. 

Seph looked around, nervously. Noting that it was, in fact, getting late. The pace at which it was growing dark. “Sure,” she said with a slight nod, “that would be nice.”

-

   Diana noted the new deck, finding that it looked very pretty. She wasn’t sure if that was a strange thing to say about a tarot deck, but it wasn’t something she’d ever had any interest in either. Divination was far from her area of expertise, and she’d only taken as much of it as was required in school. She’d never even asked for a reading outside of class. The past carried enough aches, and she’d learned from a young age that the future was never what you expected, and it was never promised. She frowned, noting the tension on Persephone’s features. Something was amiss, but what? “Why’s that?” She asked gently, curious if there was some sort of superstition with a ruined deck. 

    She smiled at the agreement, pleased she didn’t need to press further. She began to walk with her, having a general idea of the direction of the Rowle home, but not the exact course. “It’s been busy lately, hasn’t it?” She murmured, offering small talk as a way to get them talking, so that Persephone could share what she wanted. “I saw you at the Shafiq’s, wasn’t it marvelous?” She added, having enjoyed herself immensely before everything had fallen apart. 

As soon as Diana leaned into him, Vulcan immediately tucked his chin over her head and held her close. It was second nature at this point. She needed comforting, he provided comfort. This too was his job. One he’d do gladly just as he had done the other parts without batting an eye.

“I will try. It isn’t that I don’t trust you, or that I want to push you away. I’m out of practice, sharing things. Even Niko doesn’t think I share enough.”

Well, she knew now. She knew the foundations of his horrible truths. One plaster ripped off. At least she seemed to have understood why he’d done it, how badly he wanted to keep her from hurting.

“I love you, Dolly. And I will try, I will. To talk more. To give you more. Can you understand, why that’s hard? You are the most important aspect in my life, okay? Maybe I’ve not always wanted to be a Carrow, but there hasn’t been a single bloody day gone by when I’ve not loved being your brother.”

==

   She didn’t know what it said about her, that she leaned into Vulcan so easily after learning what she had, but how could she not? Vulcan had sheltered her all her life, even if things had gotten terribly complicated after third year. She still wasn’t sure she believed him fully about the truths he’d laid before her. There were too many unanswered questions, and too many images that simply couldn’t be reconciled for her to fully comprehend it then, but maybe that was okay. She was allowed time to come to an understanding, wasn’t she? And no matter what, he was her brother, and he had his reasons for the choices he’d made. 

    Her nose wrinkled at the mention of Niko. He’d upset her too, dancing around the mention of their parents, and she couldn’t help but wonder how much more he knew, even if Vulcan claimed to be less than forthcoming. “Siblings shouldn’t have secrets, Vul. Especially ones like this. I––I could have helped you. I would have wanted to help you.” She murmured, drawing back so she could look at him as she wiped her eyes. Her entire body felt heavy and numb, exhaustion weighing on her visibly. “I love you too, but I need time to figure this all out. You told me a lot just now and I don’t know what to think or feel.” She admitted, willing to be upfront with that. She needed time. 

    “And I believe you.” She added, softer. She’d argue about their surname again another day, she didn’t think she’d get anywhere with it then, not when that had prompted the argument in the first place. “Can we go eat lunch at your place?” She asked, glancing around. She didn’t want to be out in public anymore. “Then I can ask you more questions without anyone overhearing.” She noted. 

Fyodor had been looking for a different Carrow– he’d finished a few things for Alcaeus while he’d been away and wanted to make sure the man was well reminded of the terms of their agreement. He was supposed to be working, had a frankly ridiculous backlog of tasks, but he couldn’t very well just leave now. 

“I’d offer to kill him, whoever it is, but I think your uncle has that covered.” He took a seat across from Diana, wondering if it was too early to offer to offer her a real drink. She was of age now, he was pretty sure– weird to think he’d actually been a lawyer long enough now that she’d grown up between cases. “Or her, or them. I don’t judge.”

-

  It was good to see Fedya back again, though she wished she was in a better place to greet him. She wasn’t alright, and it seemed they both knew it. She didn’t mean to outwardly express her feelings so clearly, but it was hard to hide something so raw and painful. She offered a breath of a laugh, sighing at his assumption. “I’m beginning to think you’re serious in that offer.” She admitted, lowering her voice as she glanced around. She’d always thought people were being dramatic when they said things like that but she wasn’t so sure now. 

   Vulcan hadn’t only hurt people, after all, and even that had seemed impossible just a day ago. She let her hand lie flat, palm upward, crescent shaped bruises still visible from where she’d squeezed so tightly. “It’s not that, Fedya, but I appreciate your offer for help.” She murmured. “I learned some things I wish I could forget. You’re not carrying a memory vial on you, are you? Or know any safe spells?” She prompted, only partially joking. 

Vulcan scooted closer, unsure if he was welcome at her side any more but unable to help himself. She was crying. His baby sister was crying and it was his fault.

“I’m always going to be your brother. Nothing changes that. I’m your brother, you’re my baby sister.” Hesitantly, giving her room to push him away if she wanted, he wrapped his arms loosely around her waist, wanting to hold her tight but needing her to he would never trap her. He was not his father. He was not.

“I didn’t want you to know. I never wanted you to know. I’ve just said it all, and I wish I could unsay it. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Dolly. You weren’t wrong. I took them from you. I took away the happiness and I left you with nothing and I’m so sorry. I could tell you I’m sorry for the rest of my life, and it still wouldn’t be enough. I wanted to keep you safe, and all I’ve ever seemed to manage was to make things worse.”

–

   There was too much happening, the words he was saying, the temperature of the room, the ache in her heart. She wanted to crawl out of her own skin. She wanted to scream. She wanted him to tell her he’d just been trying to hurt her, that none of it was true. But that wasn’t the truth, and it wasn’t what she truly needed. She looked at him as he scooted closer, as he reached out as if he were afraid she’d push him away. It was fair. She knew it was fair, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. She moved, arms going around him as she leaned into his arms, needing him to hold on like he meant it. 

     “Then you have to stop pushing me away, Vulcan. If something is too hard for you, if being at home hurts you, then you have to talk to me.” She pleaded. If this was going to be worth it, then it meant they had to start talking instead of presuming to know what the other needed and wanted. He was apologizing to her, and her to him, and it was overwhelming. “I didn’t want to know,” She agreed, swallowing thickly as she laid her head against his shoulder. “But now I do and I––I don’t know what to think.” She confessed. It was too much all at once. She needed time to figure things out. “But if they were really going to do that, I wouldn’t have been happy then either. They would have ruined that, and I would have hurt as you have.” She offered, wanting to soothe him as badly as she desired to be soothed. “You protected me in the best way you knew how, but we’re both grown now. We just––we just have to talk to each other. You have to start trusting me, Vul. Please.” 

    Diana drew her finger absently around the rim of her tea cup. She hadn’t so much as taken a single drink of it, and it had cooled considerably. She’d need to reheat it before she drank it, but she wasn’t interested in drinking it at all. It was barely nine in the morning, and yet Diana felt as though it was nine at night. Every part of her felt heavy. Her mind wouldn’t quiet. She’d fallen asleep, she knew that, though it had only been due to pure exhaustion. She’d cried harder than she had the day her parents went to Azkaban, and she hadn’t thought that was possible. Now she just felt heavy and numb. And overwhelmed. Questions swirled in her mind, but she wanted none of the answers that went with them.

    “I’m afraid I’m not likely to be good company today.” She murmured, voice a bit hollow as she tried her best to offer a polite smile, eyes lifting to greet her company. “But you’re welcome to stay, if you like.” 

You took them from me. He knew he had. He knew he’d torn them from her life with nothing, with silence and a trial and the world peering in. But hadn’t it been worth it, in the end? To keep her from the rest of it all.

He wanted to wrap her in his arms and soothe everything back to normal. Give her the childhood she deserved, give her the perfect home and the loving parents and everything she ever wanted. He’d never wanted her to know, never wanted her to see the horrible truth of everything he’d done, to know him the way he knew himself. There wasn’t any hiding it any more. He very clearly had only made everything worse. Well. There was only one familial bridge left to burn, he supposed.

“They wanted you in there.” Vulcan whispered, feeling worse than he ever had back in those rooms.

“They wanted to bring you in, too. I couldn’t stop them any more. There wasn’t anything more horrible I could do for them to sate their boredom and their whims. There’s so much blood on my hands, and you don’t need that, I never wanted that for you, you deserved the parents that took you on trips and did your hair and showered you with affection and adoration. That’s what you deserve, that’s what you needed. It didn’t matter what I had to do, at the end of it. It doesn’t matter how many people I hurt, or killed, or tormented, or how many times Mars hit me. You were never going to get that. Never. I wasn’t going to let them. They weren’t going to wait, they were going to take you to France and introduce you to the Lestranges and leave me here. Leave me here so I couldn’t– You’re my baby sister, and you deserve the memories of the good happy family. I wasn’t going to let them take that from you. I wasn’t.

“Of course I hate them. They made me a murderer at 14 and they didn’t give a single shit about how I felt about any of it. When I go there, it’s them everywhere I look. You deserve to keep them, to keep what they gave you and the love that you shared. You deserve that, Dolly. How could I tell you, and ruin it all? Make   you look at them and see what I see? They wouldn’t let me talk to you, during the trial. They didn’t want me– didn’t want my changing my mind, I suppose. Or you, accidentally passing information along. I never meant to leave you behind. You’re the only respectable Carrow there’s been in decades. Loyalty, love, pride, grace? That’s all you. That’s you in spades. They made me what they made me, but they didn’t get to you. I was never going to let them get to you.”

==

   The world spun. The world spun faster and faster and Diana could do nothing but hold tighter to her palms. She pressed so hard into her skin that it stung. Bile rose in her throat as she listened to her brother spill the ugly truth before her. They wanted her in there. That wasn’t true. Mother and father would never want her to get her hands dirty. They were fighting for a better future, as skewed and demented as the truth was, weren’t they? They were misguided, and they’d done evil things to other people, but to their own children? It didn’t make sense. It didn’t fit the picture she had. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing the nausea to pass as memories flashed before her. Morgana, gently brushing her hair, excitedly telling her about the trip they’d be taking, and how delightful the French countryside was. Mars, pulling her onto his lap to read the same story she requested for the hundredth time without so much of a sigh of annoyance. These weren’t people who would see her hurt. 

    But Vulcan kept going, despite her mind screaming at him to stop. She wanted to cover her ears, to use a silencing charm on him, to do anything to stop him from tipping over the edge, but it was too late. He’d already started. It didn’t matter how many people he hurt, tortured, and killed? Vulcan had killed people? She shook her head, unable to grasp what was being said. It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be true. Mars and Morgana hadn’t made him do that, had they? He hadn’t done that to keep them from pulling her into the same darkness, he couldn’t have, because if he had that would mean it was her fault he’d suffered as he had. “No.” She breathed, shaking her head. “No, no, Mama was going to take me to Aunt Minette, it wasn’t–– we were going to have ladies time, tea on the French countryside, horseback riding, it––” her voice cracked, tears spilling faster as she pleaded with him to convince her of the lie once more. 

    He wouldn’t. She knew he wouldn’t. 

  Diana couldn’t keep up. He was putting too many truths in her face at once. She tried to keep track of it all. Morgana and Mars wanted to bring her into those rooms Vulcan kept her from, the ones where they did the bidding of Grindelwald, the rooms Niko sneered at, the ones Vulcan had to keep entering. He did it for her. Mars had hit him? How had she not known? How had she not seen the evidence of it? They did it because they were bored? That wasn’t the father she knew, the mother she loved. But he didn’t stop. It wasn’t just closed doors and Grindelwald. He was fourteen. Only a year older than she’d been when the trial had happened. The tears kept falling, until she was sobbing, openly, unable to stop herself even as she heard what he was saying. They made her brother, her kind, gracious brother into a murderer. 

    He never meant to leave her behind. But he had. He’d kept everything to himself, never giving her the chance to decide for herself, to help him. It was overwhelming. “You’re not––” She began, lifting her eyes to him. She wanted to say he wasn’t like them, that they hadn’t made him into some kind of monster, but he’d bared the truth to her. He’d hurt people, taken their lives from them. It didn’t make sense, and she didn’t know how to process it, how to reconcile it with the memories and pictures of him and her parents that she had. Her hand came to her lips as she stood, suddenly, moving as she emptied her stomach in the bin, heaving once there was nothing left.  It couldn’t be true. Her brother wasn’t that person. He wasn’t. Vulcan was laughter, and teasing, and endlessly frustrating, but he wasn’t capable of the things he claimed to have done. 

    Only once she could breathe again, did she collect herself, and turn back to him. Her eyes burned with tears, the color gone from her cheeks. “But then what do we do now, Vulcan?” She asked, desperate for him to fix this for her once again. “You’re my brother, all I want is for you to be my brother. I just want you to want to be in my life, but this? It’s––Vulcan I,” She began, trying to keep herself from sobbing again. “I’m sorry.” She whispered. He’d endured so much, and she hadn’t known. She hadn’t known and he’d suffered, alone. “I never wanted any of that for you, I just want us to be a family. Please. I didn’t know. I––I didn’t know.” She repeated, unable to put into words how she was feeling. It felt as if the world had been pulled from under her feet again. Her arms wrapped tightly, protectively, around herself as she cried. She didn’t want to know, but now there was no turning back. “Vulcan––” She began again, voice cracking as she looked to him. She needed him. She needed him to make it okay again, even now. 

Vulcan could feel his face shuttering over. She sounded exactly like them. Exactly like they always had, before they’d asked him to do something, before they’d bring her up for ammunition when he refused. Those words from her mouth felt like ice down his spine. After all he’d done to protect her and they’d gotten to her anyways.

He wanted to go throw up. Where was Niko? Where was Galya, or Andrew?

“You want me to act like a Carrow?” He asked, half-tempted just to walk away. Leave this while she still thought he was a good person. “I think we have very different definitions of what that implies. You’re the best of us, Dolly. You’ve always been the best of us. I’ve been proud of you from the moment you were born. Nothing you could ever do will change that, not ever.

“I don’t think you want me acting like a Carrow. I don’t think you want to open that particular box. Otherwise you would’ve read the trial transcripts. Do you want to hear me tell you the truth? I’ll tell you, if you want. I’ll tell you what acting like a Carrow means to the people on the other side of those doors I made sure you never entered.”

–

   Diana sat, silently. She’d known when she’d spoken to him that way that he would respond, that it would no doubt stir big feelings, but this? She wasn’t prepared for this. She listened as he said their surname like it was a curse, like it tasted the same way Crucio did on his tongue. Did it burn him the way it burned her, when Alcaeus taught her to wield it as well as the rest of them? She wanted to scream. He still believed that acting like a Carrow meant nothing but darkness, and cruelty, and whatever whispers had spread in the night. Why couldn’t he see what it meant to her? Loyalty, love, honor, legacy, pride? 

    She couldn’t hold her tongue. “You never told me anything!” She snapped, voice shrill, rising with her frustration and hurt. “You kept it all secret, telling Niko, and not me. You buried it all and you buried me with it.” She was breathing heavier now, tears spilling unbidden over her cheeks as years of hurt came pouring out. “You took them from me. You took them and you never even told me why, you never told me you were going to, you just decided for us both. You decided everything. You decided when and how, and you never prepared me. You didn’t let me say goodbye, or make my own judgements. You called every shot, and then when all I had left were pieces, you walked away.” Her voice was quieter now, wavering as her nails dug into her palms, willing herself to stay seated. 

     “I never read the transcripts because I can’t, Vulcan. I can’t do it. I’ve tried.” She confessed, blinking to try to keep the tears away but she couldn’t see. “You’ve decided again, though, what’s best for me, and for you. You’ve decided Carrow means cruel, and evil, and wrong, at the same time you tell me I’m the best of us. How does that make sense, Vulcan? Why can I be good, and be the best of us, and be a Carrow, but you can’t? You can’t carry our name with pride, showing the world that we are respectable people, with loyalty, and talent, and grace? Carrow means what we make it, Vulcan, but you won’t even try to see it that way. You decided you were done, but I still needed you. And now you walk this strange space and I can’t keep up. You want me to be your sister but you barely visit the Manor, you don’t like half my friends. I––” The sob was horrible, wracking, bending her over. “I love you, you’re my brother, and I don’t want that to change, but you keep pushing me away. You keep hiding from me. I want you in my life. I don’t care what other people say about you, or them, or me. It doesn’t matter. I care about what you think, and everything you’re showing me right now says you hate them, and you hate that I don’t, and I don’t know what to do with that.” She whispered, heart shattering.