✧✧✧

I’m fighting myself. I know I am. One minute I want to remember. The next minute I want to live in the land of forgetting. One minute I want to feel. The next minute I never want to feel ever again.

1. i used to drown myself in vodka every night to stop the ringing in my ears and the aching in my chest. since you came around, i haven’t needed a drink to forget i wasn’t okay. 2. when i was little my biggest fear was getting the flu because i hated throwing up, but now i do it on a daily basis and i’m not scared anymore. since you came around, i haven’t really felt like hurting myself in that way because i’ve never felt more beautiful. 3. i’ve always hated my laugh and my smile. since you came around, i smile even when i don’t notice. you tell me my smile is beautiful and that you love my laugh, and this is the first time in years i’ve actually started to believe it.

If you’re sober, please fucking stay that way. I wish I never touched heroin. Because of heroin, I can never love the way I used too. I’ll never love anything as much as I love heroin. Because of heroin, my emotions are destroyed- I’ll never feel true joy or heart break ever again. Because of heroin, I lost fucking everything. It’s not a joke when people tell you don’t do drugs. It’s not a fucking joke.