Im A Mess

When I start to flail, and the world starts spinning at uncontrollble speeds... I get lost. I try to keep my balance, but I’m stumbling in every direction. I start to unkowningly distance myself from the ones I love the most, because I’m afraid to be a disappointment. When I start noticing the changes in how people react to me, or how I see that I’m letting them down. I pull away. I can’t handle the look on people’s faces when I fall short of their expectations. The guilt eats me away inside to the point that I’d rather lose someone entirely than watch me break their hearts over and over.

Let’s get gym memberships lolol jk you guys just do this ish on your own it’s all g I didn’t wanna be included or anything it’s fine. Dunno why I even suggested it.

? Where are the actions that match the words? Have I missed them or have you completely given up? Have you ever even tried? I’m really not even sure what to believe anymore. Did you ever love me or was I just the easy girl in the corner who was the first one to believe every lie that you whispered in my ear with the venom dripping from your teeth, finding its way into my bloodstream from my ears , rushing over me with a wave of endorphins. Because thats how I feel. I feel as though Ive been sitting amongst a basket of venomous snakes, in an oblivious trance.. expecting not to get bit.. but my flute isn’t actually making noise.. and I’m sitting there like a moron with a snake who is staring at me waiting to make his move... until... everything goes dark... and once again the venom feels like heroin in my veins.. filling me with warmth and my serotonin levels spike; before you know it.. I’m dead on the ground, cold as ice, eyes glazed over. I am no charmer.. I’m just an idiot with a broken flute who thought she could play with snakes...