Missing Lynx

  A week ago, a group of friends and I were craving the famous Crispy Pata from Livestock in Sgt. Esguerra street. So we walked in the restaurant and waited on the corner sofas for a table. As usual, the restaurant was full. Luckily, the maître d was proactive enough to tell us about their new sister company called Hog Hops. We could sit inside the restaurant and order food from both Livestock and Hog Hops. We agreed. The new restaurant is located in the same compound as Livestock. It only took us a few steps to get there.

  Since my friends and I were already hell-bent on eating Crispy Pata, we did not look at the Hog Hops Menu and hastily ordered food from Livestock. However, I took note of their House Specialties which were written on a chalkboard directly in front of me.

Being a sucker for anything that looks fancy and interesting, I made a mental note to come back the following week with my boyfriend and have a date there. I already prepared my order: Creole Sausage. The description definitely looked tasty.

 Fast forward exactly one week later, and I find myself in the same area alone. To be honest, I was getting restless at home and I wanted to take myself out on a date. I was waiting for my boyfriend to arrive at my house so that we could have lunch together. But due to Manila traffic and the heat, his travel time was delayed. I was only slightly peeved. After five years in a loving and trusting relationship, I really don’t mind my boyfriend being late anymore. Considering that he’s the one who has to brave through the Manila traffic to get to me, I appreciate that he even does the whole arduous journey. Practicing mindfulness, I decided to look into the reason why I was even irritated. It turns out, it’s because I really wanted to go out of the house and enjoy a different environment for a change. So I went out and drove myself to Hog Hops. I left my boyfriend a message to just meet me there. He agreed. Trivial conflict avoided. (Thank you, universe!)

 There’s something great about just going out on my own with a good book and sunshine. These are small moments that I am grateful for. I order my sausages and garlic rice and I choose the Creole and Italian, waiter’s recommendation. I was expecting Hungarian-sized sausages. I was met with Longganisa. Hah! Such is the effect of ingenious wording on the mind. I was surprised to see a hearty meal served for me.

 The spices of the Creole sausage were strong. I could feel the cumin overpowering my taste buds. I thought I would like the Creole sausage more than the Italian sausage, but I was wrong. I preferred the sweet and spicy flavor of the Italian sausage to the burning spices of the Creole sausage. My boyfriend arrived and he tasted my order. He liked the Creole sausage more than the Italian sausage. To each his own, right? This is the great thing about different tastes. The other person can finish off the food you don’t like. He ordered a smoked bacon slab and I preferred it to my order. Once again, we’re presented with a difference in tastes. He loved the sausages and would rate it an 8/10. I loved the bacon slab and I would rate that an 8/10. Then we would rate our respective dishes at around 7/10. So take our ratings with a grain of salt. It’s pretty good food.

 Hog Hops is a comfortable nook for hanging out with friends and eating one of the best pork dishes in Q.C. Being the sister company of Livestock, you would get the choices of two restaurants instead of one. So it’s convenient to explore different types of food there. (I think it’s also a great marketing strategy for Hog Hops.) Would I go back there? Very likely. But maybe right after I bring my cholesterol down a notch, first.

Note: not everything is written verbatim.

So today I learned the difference between aggressive and competitive confrontation versus assertive and collaborative confrontation.

I was walking down the street with @freshfromtheowen when I snapped at him regarding some trivial matter I felt strongly about.

That’s when he said it, “I wish you were more constructive than confrontational.”

I was struck by that statement. I was thinking, “Well, how does a constructive confrontation happen? Aren’t all confrontations like that? When people feel strongly about something, isn’t it the natural course to be emotional about it?”

He said no.

The next question I asked then was, “Well, how will I express my feeling without the feeling? The emotional impact is what signals to the other person that it’s important, right?”

Right and wrong. It’s true that emotional impact is one way to signal the significance of the issue, but it’s not the only way. And it’s certainly not the most efficient way either.

After a lengthy and earnest conversation about our conflict and how it panned out, I said, “Well... I understand it. I’ll be honest, don’t expect me to hide issues that bother me. I won’t suppress the issue, but I’ll express it in a more constructive way. Maybe next time I’ll just say, ‘we need to talk..’ instead of suddenly getting mad. That way, we could be prepared.” 

He agreed, noting that, “I don’t mind talking about these issues. But I do mind the tone.” While changing the tone doesn’t make the issue less painful, it does make a difference in the quality of the relationship. I don’t try to “win” or “demand for an apology.” I don’t demean his dignity. We just talk about emotions, learn from it, and then move on from it. Certainly it takes a fair amount of reflection and perspective shifting. But in the end, we know the relationship is growing and becoming better.

Naturally, being the geek that I am, I looked it up on google and got this resource to further support my new learning today: http://oregonstate.edu/instruct/comm440-540/confront.htm 

“You already wasted that paper because you already did something wrong. But if you don’t move forward, then you’ve wasted that paper in vain because you didn’t use the learning to do something right.”