Dezember Girl

Mia had had a mess of a day, a hell of a week - as in literal hell. And judging by the shadows around Alex’s eyes he hadn’t fared much better. So maybe it came as no surprise at all that the very Friday night she had wanted to spend celebrating Sam’s birthday, had ended in Alexander’s bed with more tears than could be healthy for anyone’s hydration levels.

The past two weeks, in particular, had left their marks. Mia knew what depression felt like and this had been too close for comfort. She’d spent days in bed without ever sleeping and as a result, the fatigue had reduced her to wallowing mess. And every time she’d seen Alex things had spiraled downwards at an increased speed.

It had confused her to no end. Mia had prided herself on her ability to read others, Alex in particular. Having him break things off because of a business course in London that wouldn’t start until late summer, had made no sense at all. Or maybe it had, maybe this - whatever this was between them - had never mattered to him enough. Once that thought had occurred to her, it stuck. It stuck so well that she couldn’t decide if she missed Alex or wanted to punch him. A serious punch, with real power behind it. Right into his perfect jaw, the very one she had kissed and traced with her fingers over only weeks ago.

Alex had lain ruin to enough of her morals, and violence was the one thing she strictly refrained from. Sadly, punching the douchebag - because kissing was very much out of the picture now - did not qualify as self-defense.

Maybe forcing him to interact with her was the only way forward? So she had typed out more than one message only to delete them all before pressing send.

Fuck London, fuck the business course, fuck Björn, fuck our parents, fuck you, did not make for a compelling counterargument. What was she even arguing against? Alex’s broken ego or her own bitter and hurt pride?

On Thursday evening, Hannah had once again proven to be the type of best friend every girl should have at least one of. She had talked to Sam, both of the Sams actually. One had agreed to celebrate her birthday with Mia with a breakfast date next Monday, and the other had revealed Alex to be enjoying his new found freedom in the skating park most evenings.

IIF YOU DON’T TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, ILL KEY HIS STUPID CAR AND DO IT MYSELF, Hannah had written in all caps.

Love, the very word Mia had been pushing far, far away since Alex had become more than the stereotypical, arrogant asshole deriving to school in a Porsche. She was afraid, scared to death if she was honest. Mia had never considered herself in love before, infatuated sure, but never love. The notion that this was what tied her to Alex scared the living crap out of her.

Now that he had called it quits, confessing her deepest feelings seemed absurd. She hated how vulnerable it would make her, leave her entire flank exposed. But then, she also knew that Alex was not just another in a (very short) row of people she had kissed. He was the person that crept into her dreams and invaded her mind with memories of his voice and laughter. He had set up camp in her heart permanently, without the 50 euro per night fee. That’s why she’d rather not know if he didn’t feel the same way. Ignorance was bliss, she had told herself.

But ignorance was not a concept Mia could tolerate for long. It had taken her the entire day but once she had set a foot outside her apartment the doubts shrunk with every step and kept to the back of her mind. She opted to walk instead of taking the bus and the cold air made her face numb and sensitive all at the same time. She’d make him listen and tell him the whole truth. He had to see reason, wouldn’t he?

Her hands had grown into ice around the bottles of soda she’d brought when the door to the skateboarding hall had finally opened to reveal Alex’s unmistakable frame. He had looked sad and as miserable as she had felt but he had listened. The reluctance and how he had leaned away from her whenever possible had made her heart stutter and tears rise in her eyes. But she had hit something within him and the cold and indifferent eyes had grown wide with both relief and what was unmistakably love. And kissing him had never tasted sweeter.

Really, fuck you Timbuktu.

-

Ah yes, the tears.

They had kissed and hugged until the February air had penetrated their heated skin hidden under layers of wool. He had taken her to his car and Mia had never been more relieved to see the sleek leather inside of his Porsche.

She’d kept her hand across the center console toying with his right hand on the way home. It was, in fact, the first time she had agreed to enter the Porsche on the passenger seat. Alex did have a few years head start when it came to navigating his way through Berlin and she was in no state to drive. The stupid smile he couldn’t hide, she caught Alex press his lips together in an effort to keep them from rising up into a ridiculous grin. She hadn’t seen him this happy since the few days of bliss that had been the semester holidays. His cheeks were pink and the warmth in his eyes when he looked over made her insides twist and heat up in the most delicious ways. So much so that by the time he had parked them in front of his apartment building, her eyes were swimming in tears.

Alex swiped his thumb across her cheeks before unlocking the door. They lingered in the frame until he placed a kiss to her forehead and the look they shared spoke volumes. I love you had been the easy part. Love couldn’t erase the past week and both of them knew it. This would be a long, long night.

"Please don’t ever do this to me again,“ said Mia. She had curled up on the living room couch while Alex poured hot chocolate into mugs. The fridge provided an ominous background noise that stretched the silence between them. "I know that this,“ she gestured in Alex general direction „Will take work, so much work. But I can’t take the silence. It wasn’t fair and no matter how shitty things get we have to find a way to communicate that.“

Alex stopped inches from where she was sitting. The chocolate swayed precariously in the mugs as he sat them on the table. He didn’t sit down, but fixed her with his eyes and Mia knew this was not the moment to avert her gaze, no matter how heated her cheeks got.

"I am sorry, you know that. If I could go back and change how things played out, I would. I never set out to hurt you, not intentionally.“

Mia swallowed around the lump in her throat. The raw earnestness in his words tucked at her heart in the most painful ways. O,h how she wished they could jump past this to cuddles and kisses and waking up in the same bed. She should have brought the whole box of tissues, the tears were already announcing their return.

"There are many things I regret, and I think you do too,“ Alex sat, far enough away for another person to squeeze between them. "But if there is one thing I’ve taken away from it, it’s that honesty isn’t optional; not If we want to make this work. And in honesty, I would have probably reacted the same way again. That doesn’t make it right but it’s true nevertheless. Before you, there was no one who relied on me, who expected things. I’ve disappeared before, multiple times, and Sam knew the rough outlines so it was never a problem.“

"It is now,“ Mia toyed with the handle of her mug.

"Yes, it is. In reality, it always has been. And this is me telling you that I’m aware that it’s an issue. I will work on it. I have an appointment with my old psychologist on Tuesday. But it won’t be a quick fix, not by a long shot“

"So what if it happens again?“

"I will talk to Sam,“ Alex had started twisting his rings and his foot tapping made the couch vibrate ever so slightly. Mia wished she could pull him towards her and hug him tight for the next hour. Physical actions seemed so much easier because words were complicated and they hurt.

"I don’t intend for this to happen again, but I’ll give you my parents’ numbers. They are not the warmest people but after Sophie, they won’t turn you away. I know it’s not the perfect solution. But if this means as much to you as it does to me, I want you to know that this is not an empty promise. And I have to hope that it’s enough.“

"Thank you,“ Mia put the mug back down and reached for Alex's hand instead. It felt hot against her skin and when she squeezed it he closed his fingers around hers. "Thank you for giving us a chance. I felt so so stupid, but you breaking up with me hurt so much more than I wanted it to. And part of it is my fault. I was never totally honest, not to you and not with myself. The first time things got hard with Kikki, I was ready to run and I did. So, as much as I hated what you did, I can’t blame just you.“

They stared at each other in silence. Mia’s heart raced in her chest and Alex looked as close to tears as she felt. He exhaled and nodded for her to continue. "I didn’t listen to you after you resurfaced. Part of it was revenge I think and the other part fear. I don’t understand physical violence. I know why you did it and I can’t fault you for it now but then it felt like a betrayal. I couldn’t look at you without hearing you crack Björns ribs and I wasn’t brave enough to hear your side of the story regardless.“

Mia swiped away a stray tear and scooted closer to Alex. "Just like the butterfly effect really. We made minor mistakes and things spiraled out of control so quickly. I hope you can forgive me, I know I forgive you,“ she squeezed his hands again and looked up to find a tear making its way down his cheek. "I love you, so so much, and for now that is enough. I’m sure of that.“

"Of course I forgive you,“ Alex said and pulled her even closer and Mia felt his whole frame tremble as he did. They ended up hard hugging half spooning on the couch. "I love you,“ he traced the shell of her ear with his nose. "I love you, I love you so much.“

He kissed the parts of her face he could reach and Mia felt the warmth from his body overpower her own. With her head against his chest and her arms wound around his torso, the tears fell again. But Alex kept tracing circles on her back and pressing kisses to her temple and hair. Words hurt but pain could be cathartic. Mia felt a million times better no as if the thing that had slowly broken and splinter over the past week had been restored to its untouched state. The most important things were out in the open and as long as they had the truth between them things would work out.

Time slowed or increased tenfold, Mia couldn’t tell. But after a while, Alex’s movements had seized and her sobs had given way to the humming of the fridge. She felt his chest rise and fall in turn with his breaths. Just when she was sure he had fallen asleep Mia suddenly found herself being flipped over and off the couch. Before she could even register the impact - softened by the plush carpet covering his living room floor - Alex was already celebrating his victory, on his hands and knees hovering above her with his chest was heaving.

"I got you this time, no sleeping on the couch in my house,“ he had positioned his face inches above her own.

"On the carpet then?“ Mia tilted her head up but he pulled away before their noses could touch. "Doesn’t seem very Mr. - how rich exactly are you - Hardenberg. Or maybe on the hardwood, like a commoner?“

"You’re not in a position to taunt, Miss Winter,“ he clicked his tongue before moving on to her right ear and whispering in a voice, so low it made her hairs stand on end. "You have been compromised." Alex's lips moved against the shell of her ear. They weren’t kisses exactly but Mia suddenly felt very aware of just how close his body was. His chest hovered inches above her own and his breaths were fire against her temple. She couldn’t take much more, every fiber of muscle was pulled taught and her whole body hummed with anticipation.

Mia moved her hand, ready to close the distance but he shook his head. "Ah-ahh, so you do admit defeat? You will have to say the words, otherwise, it won’t count.“ He was still unbearably close to her ear and with every syllable enunciated to the max, goosebumps spread from her chest outwards, leaving her skin tingling. "Do you yield your rights to the couch?“

"No,“ she looked him dead in the eyes and for a moment she feared he had frozen and would keep her in this position forever. But Just as quickly his pupils dilated and the mischief was crackling in his eyes.

"I see,“ the corners of his lips twitched and before Mia could brace herself he had attacked her stomach. She gasped for air between laughter and half hysterical screams as he proceeded to tickle every inch of bare skin he could reach. Every attempt to block her body from his hands failed as he was kneeling above with her legs locked between his. The sensory input threatened to prove too much and when Alex finally relented Mia was panting beneath him.

She squinted away the tears that had leaked from her eyes, her chest heaving as she caught her breath; oh yes, even more tears. She would have to double her 2 liter water intake tomorrow.

Above her, Alex was running his hands through his hair, somehow managing to increase its volume even more. The dark spots under his eyes were still visible but the flush spreading from his cheeks made him look less like a worn man and more like an innocent boy. He was beautiful, with his stupid hair, cheekbones worthy of their own spread in Vogue and eyes that could, on one hand, make her stomach lurch, and explode with butterflies the next second. Now, they were fixed on her face, tracing her features from hairline to chin and finally landing on her own. 

"Are you alright?“ Alex asked and she nodded "More than.“

Alex laid down next to her, propped on his side. He pushed stray strands of hair from her face before moving closer and touching his nose to hers with an amount of care that made her heart swell. But Mia, having recovered her heart rate and breathing, pressed her lips firmly together before he could fully close the gap.

Revenge, were revenge was due, she rolled herself on top of him and found that "Well Mr. I have 99 problems and money solves about half, you are quite susceptible to this kind of torture yourself.

Indeed, his abdominal muscles clenched and unclenched under her fingers and after several seconds of silent panting he couldn’t hold back the giggles any longer. Laughter proved to be a very potent drug, especially this late in the evening. Once they had started it was impossible to stop. Love couldn’t erase the trouble of the last weeks and laughter wouldn’t put Björn behind bars or bring Sophie back, but it made them remember how happy they had been in this very apartment and how right it felt have that back.

The giggles bubbled from her lips with an ease she wouldn’t have thought possible this morning, and only subsided when her obliques ached from exhaustion. By then, Alex had put his arms around her and pulled her to his chest.

She would hug him close and never let go, Mia decided at that moment. Future Mia’s spine would likely protest the choice (or lack of thereof) of a mattress but right there, snug in his arms, she couldn’t care less for how sore her back would be in the morning. At least the living room carpet should offer her a discount on the 50 Euro a night Hardenberg Suite.

The pounding in his head kept at a steady pace and pulling one of the pillows over his ears only intensified the sensation. His mouth tasted like a badly mixed cocktail of vodka, gin and the lingering stench of cigarets. In conclusion, he felt like a piece of shit and the thought of doing school work, which he had delayed until the last weekend, made him want to curl up in bed and stay there for at least another 12 hours.

He let his heart rate calm down before he attempted sitting up and risking another glimpse at his phone to look at the time - ten past eleven. He ran his hands through his hair, getting rid of the worst of the tangles and deciding that he was in dire need of a mirror and a toothbrush. And he must have really been out of it because it was only when he pressed his head against the pillow in one last attempt of blocking out his hangover that he finally noticed the familiar note of lavender. Dumbstruck, he inspected the other side of his bed and although it was subtle, there was a slight indentation in the mattress. It made sense now, she must have closed the blinds and been the one to plug in his now fully charged phone either last night or after she woke up.

On that thought, he jumped out of bed - if you could call stumbling onto one’s feet jumping - and the sudden flight of panic carried him down the corridor and toward the main living room. His mind was already flashing back to the first time she had slept over at his apartment and fled without so much as a note the next morning. The fact that he was not entirely sure how she had ended up in his bed in the first place did nothing to calm the rising sensation of dread in his stomach. He might have done or said something incredibly stupid.

Thankfully, that particular train of thought did not continue because when he stepped into the kitchen there she was, bent over the opposite counter scooping flour into a measuring cup. She had twisted her wet hair into a bun and he recognized the t-shirt that clung to her hips as one of his. He slumped against the door frame and traced her movements while she mixed the flour and milk. Now that the pounding in his head had receded he was left with a sensation of numbness that gave this whole experience a surrealistic touch. Noora was actually here, preparing pancakes in his kitchen and humming a tune he could not place at that moment. He would have most likely remained like that for longer, had Noora not turned around with the mixing bowl in her hands, ready to start pouring the batter into the pan.

Her eyes widening slightly and she stopped mid-motion, almost as if she had forgotten she was not alone. And for a moment, William felt the panic reignite before her open mouth curved upwards and she crooked her head to side.

"Good morning,“ Noora tugged at her bottom lip and he felt his head spin.

"You’re still here.“

"Yes,“ she said matter of factly and moved to set the bowl down next to the stove top.

Deciding not to push his luck with whatever stupid thing he would come up with next he pushed off of the door frame and joined her at the counter. Noora turned to face him and obliged a little peck before pressing a firm palm to his chest.

"You definitely need a toothbrush,“ she tapped the glass and packet of Aspirin next to her on the counter. "And this.“

He dissolved the Aspirin in as little water as he could manage and drowned the whole thing in one go. His face must have shown his disgust before he could fill the glass with more water to wash away the vile taste because Noora giggled and gave his cheek a pinch. He chuckled and despite her protests pulled her into an embrace to kiss both her temples. "Thank you for this.“

"Well, you still had flour and one carton of unexpired milk. So yeah, I had to take advantage of that, especially since Eskild hasn’t gotten groceries since Wednesday and the shops are closed until tomorrow. So not that selfless, really.“

"Still, this is really nice.“

"But,“ she angled her head away from him. „You'll only get some if you go take care of this,“ her fingers pushed along his jawline and into his hair „situation first.“

He leaned his forehead against her collarbone with a muffled groan. Defying his expectations she did not smell like her usual lavender body mist but the much darker sent of his own body wash. He liked that smell on her, he decided. But when he nuzzled his nose deeper Noora squealed and pushed him away before he could attempt to put another kiss on her exposed neck. "I said toothbrush.“

The tiles in the bathroom were coated with water drops and the humid air clung to every surface and his skin. Noora could not have been up for long as the mirror was misted over and he grabbed a towel to get a better look at his reflection. He supposed it could be worse, his skin creased around his eyes but the dark circles should be reversible with some moisturizer and hydration. In his haste to get to bed yesterday he had not bothered to brush through his hair before showering and now the longer strands had tangled into a sizable knot in the front. He grabbed his toothbrush from next to where the one, he had given Noora to use a week ago, lay and went to work.

Now that his mouth tasted more like peppermint than cigarets and his hair had conformed to an acceptable shape he threw on a fresh hoodie and checked his phone. There were no unread messages and only two new emails with his Uber receipts. He pushed it into his hoodie’s front pocket and joined Noora in the kitchen. She had turned up the radio to the morning program and flipped the last pancake over in the pan.

"Feeling better?“ she added the thin piece to the stack of already cooked pancakes and flicked off the stove.

"After a kiss, I will,“ she raised her eyebrows but allowed him to press her up against the counter. His hands found her waist through the t-shirt and he moved to kiss her.

"Did you brush?“ she tilted her head to the side.

"Of course,“ William took a deep breath in and breathed the resulting air into her face.

"Oh my god,“ her mouth dropped open and then quickly closed as she pushed away from him with a flash of laughter. "You’re disgusting.“

He took the plate of pancakes and the only jar of jam in his cupboard - strawberry - and joined her at the table. She had already set out the plates and a glass of orange juice for each of them.

They ate in relative silence except for her protests when he would reach to squeeze her thigh and she would swat him away with a playful smile. William was by no standard a slow eater but he had barely finished his first pancake when Noora was already spreading the jam and folding up her third one. She had strawberry marks in both corners of her mouth that strangely enough reminded him of her red lipsticks.

"Are you in a rush?“

"Huh,“ she looked up and darted her tongue out to clean the jam off her lips. "I just have to write the article that’s due tomorrow. And I didn’t even finish the introduction yesterday. So yeah, kinda.“

His expression dropped and he swallowed the piece of pancake to cover of his disappointment. "You didn’t have to stay you know.“

"Well, you were so disappointed last time,“ he bit his lip.

“I didn’t mean to pressure you into staying or anything,“ he said.

"It’s not like that,“ she dropped her fork and gave him a smile. “I just didn’t think it would have been smart to leave you alone last night.“

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad. I can remember most of it.“

Now her smile had turned into a full-blown smirk. “So you do remember drooling onto your pillow?“

“I did not do that,“ he felt the heat turning the tips of his ears red and rearranged his hair accordingly. Most of last night had come back to him, but there were blurry spots left. He just had not expected to hear something like this.

“I mean, it was kind of cute,“ she was tugging at her lip again and twisting the sleeve around her wrist. “But I’m guessing, this not how you usually get girls into bed?“

He groaned and rubbed at his temples. „What else did I do?“

The crumbs and bits of jam left on his plate suddenly became very interesting. He knew Noora was enjoying this and he supposed he deserved that. He remembered driving home with her and getting into bed but god knows what else happened before and in between that.

“Well, for starters you drunk texted me,“ he scoffed and Noora only laughed and ticked each event off on her fingers. “Then I found you half passed out on my porch at like 2 am and you called an Uber. You showered and we went to bed.“

“That’s all? We didn’t like, you know …,“ he trailed off not sure how to properly mold his concern into a question. He would not be able to forgive himself if he had fucked it all up after weeks of being so careful. She did not want to take whatever this was between them any further than making out in his bed and though he admittedly desired more of course, he would always respect her wishes. He loved cuddling with her, kissing her senseless and making her laugh. It gave him an odd sense of satisfaction.

“Oh umm, not really. You were out in seconds and yeah you drooled but I already told you that.“ Noora had pushed the sleeve of his shirt all the way up around her elbow and her complexion had turned from pale to light pink.

His chest deflated with relief and he pushed the last piece of folded pancake into his mouth. Noora took the plates and put them in the dishwasher together with the mixing bowl and measuring cups. Despite the Aspirin he still lagged behind in speed as he helped her clean up the kitchen and start the dishwasher. After making sure the surfaces were spotless Noora got her bag from the sofa and made to lace up her shoes.

“You’re leaving?“

“The essay thing, remember. I sadly wasn’t joking about that,“ she fiddled with her hair ties and pulled the knot on her head apart to let her still damp waves fall down past her chin.

“I mean I did offer to help you with it yesterday. I wasn’t joking about that either.“

“I’m serious William I need to finish this today.“

“I am too. You can write it here, I have some work to do as well. So as long as you don’t distract me I won’t keep you from your work either.“

“I didn’t even bring my laptop or anything,“ her backpack already swung over one shoulder, Noora stared at him with that familiar look in eyes that could pass for annoyance. She was seriously debating his offer.

“You can use mine, for now, I won’t need it until later. And then mail it yourself when you’re done.“

Noora stayed quiet and pushed her bottom lip in and out of her mouth.

“What’s your assignment?“

“Heart rhythms.“

“Okay, so my brother went through a couple of months was he was dead set on studying medicine. Because you know it’s very prestigious to be a doctor and whatnot. Anyways, he bought a couple of books he never opened and they're still around here somewhere.“

Noora considered him with narrowed eyes for a moment, probably deciding that this was way too elaborate to be a lie and finally lowered her backpack back down.

“Okay,“ she drew the word out and William wasn’t sure if she was annoyed with him, herself or the situation in general.

“Great,“ he reached for his laptop on the coffee table and put it down next to her.

True to his own word, his brother kept a small collection of medical books in one of the half-empty storage cupboards. He surveyed the titles and picked out a 2014 edition human physiology textbook.

Noora had settled down on one end of the couch, encircled in an impressive amount of paper and markers she must have produced from her bag in the two minutes he had been gone. She was bent over a black and white copy of different EKGs and a heart diagram.

“So, you are staying then?“ William dropped onto the couch next to her.

“I guess so. But you’ll have to make me hot cocoa later,“ she looked up from her notes and he was relieved to find any traces of her prior annoyance wiped from her features.

“Of course.“

He cupped her jaw and pushed his fingers into her loose hair before dipping down for a kiss. It made his chest swell with heat and his skin prickled with the excitement of having her all to himself for the rest of the day. Noora hummed against his lips and laced her hands around his neck to pull her body closer to his. In the end, she was only inches away from fully straddling his lap and the kiss had turned from innocent to something completely different in a matter of seconds.

One of his hands rested on her hips and the other had pushed his shirt halfway up her stomach before he pulled away with a painful groan. His own body protested when he gently disentangled himself from her and she came to rest on the couch next to him with an exasperated sigh.

„Why did you stop?“ Noora combed through the mess he had made of her hair and wiped over her pink and slightly swollen lips.

„Because,“ he reached over for his laptop and typed in his password before handing it back to her. „We agreed on no distractions, and you,“ he gave her one last peck „are extremely distracting.“

„Ass,“ she made a show of swatting away his hand, but ultimately did not protest when he pulled her legs across his lap and started to trace patterns against her bare skin.

After spending most of her first night as an 18-year-old holding Eva’s hair up in the bathroom for the better part of an hour and supplying her drunk boyfriend with aspirins and non-alcoholic fluids, she had made him promise her that this year it would be just the two of them. William had huffed the first time she had brought it up mid-March but the definitely not sarcastic look on her face had made him bite his lips and give her his word.

Telling her friends and people she knew from uni that no, she would in fact not invite any of them to her 19th birthday celebrations, had not gone over well. William would not have cared had it not been for Eva demanding on baking a cake, which Noora had again refused and in turn, Chris starting to nag him as well.

This had not come as a surprise, and Noora gave him a knowing look from her position in his half reclined passenger seat. They had agreed on going to a cabin for two nights. Since his family’s one was a good four-hour drive up north from Oslo and Noora had shown considerable disinterest in going skiing with him, he had conceded and booked one in the Oslo fjord; maximum two-hour drive and no ski tracks in a ten-mile radius.

His car, the Porsche - he had had to sell the Ashton Martin last summer and black had always been his colour anyways - was filled with the sent of Noora’s favourite lavender perfume and the crumpled up pieces of paper littering the neatly vacuumed floors. She had been adamant about finishing her essay that would be due after the break, even after he had insisted she let it rest for her birthday trip.

„I won’t be able to relax if I don’t finish this before we’re there,“ Noora scrunched up her eyebrows and hammered into her keyboard. They had been stuck in snow-induced traffic for the past half hour and ten minutes ago Noora had run out of paper to crumble up.

„You have straight As in all your courses this far, I don’t think one bad paper will ruin your career as a future ‚New York Time’s international correspondent‘,“ he pushed his voice up an octave and moved his hands just like Noora would when she was frustrated. And she was definitely frustrated right now, her finger kept twirling the same strand of blond hair and her bottom lip had chapped from her picking at the delicate skin.

„You need to relax,“ he reached into her lap and closed her computer. „I’ll write the damn article for you if you keep making that face.“

„I’m not making a face,“ she protested and made exactly said face with her lips drawn in a pout and her eyes piercing like a cat about to pounce.

„This,“ he gestured to the paper surrounding their feet, „was not our deal. I promised I wouldn’t bother with a surprise party and you said you’ll enjoy that. And you’re not enjoying it.“

„I will once I finish the damn essay, myself mind you.“

„I’ll take your laptop as insurance then,“ he pried her hands off it and pushed it to the back seat.

„You don’t understand …“ Noora started and sensing the beginning of one of her ‚you don’t fuck with my professional life, I’m an independent woman‘ speech he cut her short with a kiss.

Her lips were indeed all rough and dry and he made a mental note to find her some chapstick once they got out of the car. Noora sighed but before she could relax deeper into the kiss the car behind them honked and they jumped apart.

She went back to combing her fingers through her hair and darted the tip of her tongue over her lips to moisten them. „You don’t get to kiss me,“ she leaned her face away from him over to the window, obviously having looked right through his attempts to fight her mood with unfair means.

Traffic started moving again and when he looked over, she was tapping her index finger against the glass but hadn’t retrieved her laptop; at least a small win.

„So, you know you’ll have to celebrate with Eva and the rest at some point this week, right?“

„No, I don’t. My birthday, my rules and I hate all the fuss.“

„But this affects me as well. I thought to let your boyfriend be collateral damage when you could easily solve it with one nice afternoon with your friends, was against your moral code or something?“

„You’re such a cry baby,“ Noora turned to look at him and had to press her lips together to keep from smiling at his best ‚please pity me face‘.

„Chris keeps texting me about it and seriously it’s getting kind of pathetic to watch my best friend succumb to a girl like that. Anyways, Eva is your friend as well.“

„Yeah, but my best friend is not the one, forced to give up her fuck boy life for her soon to be boyfriend. It must be so hard for you poor boys,“ she pursed her lips but he did not miss the twinkle in her eyes.

„But like seriously, please do something about Eva or I'll have to block his number.“

Noora giggled and pushed herself upright to turn up her seat heating.

„I’ll think of something, don’t worry.“

They turned up the radio and Noora fished out her phone, hopefully, to agree to one of Eva’s eight different party ideas. Though the peace didn’t last long because not a full minute later the car shuddered and shook with deliberation.

It was all William could do to get out of the lane and bringing the car to a stop on the side. He tried restarting it and after the third failed attempt the last display lights went out and the power cut out altogether.

„Look’s like I’ll have enough time to finish the essay after all,“ Noora sighed and glanced at her phone.

William sensed the frustration creeping up like a coiled snake in his stomach and nearly punched the stirring wheel. The sentiment was somewhat self-serving but he had been looking forward to this for the better part of a month. Both their schedules were stuffed with mandatory lectures and seminars at two different faculties which made the whole ‚lunch date idea‘ in-between classes impossible to put into effect.

„I’m really sorry,“ he stared at the increasing whirl of snowflakes outside the car.

„Don’t beat yourself up,“ Noora had looked up from her phone to focus on him. „I mean it, please don’t let this ruin the trip. You put so much effort into it and I couldn’t have asked for a better way to spend my birthday.“

„It’s just, not how I imagined this to go.“

„I know, me neither. But we’re like what, 15 minutes away, and we’ll get there somehow. It might just take a few extra hours,“ she sighed and when he didn’t return her smile she slipped off her seat belt. He was about to protest when she pushed onto her knees and bent over the center console to cup his face.

„William, I mean it, I wanted to spend my birthday with you. And that’s exactly what we're doing right now, okay?“ he mumbled something under his breath and her finger moved up his temples and into his hair. She pressed her fingertips to his skull and after a few more intense prods he unclenched his jaw and met her eyes.

She looked tired, with the purple-ish rims under her eyes and the wrinkle from her hair tie bending her otherwise straight hair out of its usual shape. She pressed closer until their noses touched and sighed. „I love you, you fool, and you know that.“

He gave her a reluctant smile before tugging her lips all the way against his. She tasted of mint gum and the traces of her morning oatmeal. Noora smiled at him and a prickling warmth settled the tension in his muscles. With her arms winding around his neck he grabbed onto her waist before she could slip off her seat.

They were equally out of breath when she pulled back into her own side and without the car’s heating, the temperatures had dropped a good deal.

„I’m calling Chris,“ William kept his right hand intertwined with hers while the other dug for his phone. Noora sighed but gave him a nod in agreement.

-

One hour later, they found themselves in the backseat of Chris’ second hand Toyota. Eva had claimed shotgun and was currently fumbling through radio stations to find a good song to sing along to out loud. Noora had fallen asleep pressed against his shoulder and he did his best to block out the ongoing fight over who would win the ‚i love you most‘ game in the front row. He massaged the back of Noora’s palm with his thumb, rubbing circles into her skin and she made an unintelligible sound before drifting off again. He prayed Noora and himself had not been this level of vomit inducing loved up and touchy when they had first started dating over two years ago.

In contrast to himself, Chris kept to the speed limit and it took them another thirty minutes and the outermost boundaries of his own patients to find the one bedroom cabin on the shores of the snow storm covered fjord. Before William could force Noora back into a conscious state and free himself from her arms, Chris and Eva had already plucked their luggage from the trunk and were halfway to the porch before William got his seat belt off.

„You guys do realize that this place does not sleep more than two?“

Chris almost looked guilty but Eva took full advantage of their situation

„I’m sure they have a couch in their and you boys can always sleep on the floor if it gets tight. Also, there’s no way in hell we’re driving back in this weather.“

She had a point, the sky had gone pitch black despite it only being around four pm and the snowfall had easily doubled in the last hour. William groaned this was definitely not what he had planned. He helped a confused Noora out of the car and it was only when he offered to carry her in bridal style that she seemed to shake the last bits of sleep from her head.

William had been adamant about not yielding the bedroom to anyone else but himself and his girlfriend when Eva slipped on the wooden staircase and wasn’t able to walk without Chris’ arm keeping her upright.

Ironically it was Noora who gave him a kiss and pulled them down on the generous couch.

„Just let them have the bed. We’ll have more privacy if they stay locked in the room upstairs anyway.“

He opened his mouth to protest when noises that certainly had nothing to do with Chris putting ice on Eva’s ankle crept through the ceiling.

„I’m going to kill Chris for this,“ he sunk back into the cushions pulling Noora with him. She mumbled something in agreement and put her head on his chest.

„I’m just glad we got here in one piece. And I’ll think of something to punish Eva with later.“ she traced her fingers over his shirt before tugging on it. „Now, you’re making me hot cocoa.“

William forced himself into a standing position but the expression on Noora’s face when he stirred the baking cocoa into an almost boiling pot of milk while she dangled her legs from the counter next to him made it worth his protesting muscles. The grin on her face spread from ear to ear and her cracked lips smeared with cocoa after the first sip.

„Just as good as your first one,“ she licked the corners of her mouth. „You might have some hidden cooking talents if the whole courtroom thing doesn’t work out.“

William raised his brows but gave her a smile in return. Noora took another sip before pushing the mug behind her on the counter and pulling him closer by his shoulders.

„Wish me happy birthday,“ her hands dug into his hair and the whisper so close to his ear was enough for his skin to pebble with goosebumps.

He snuck his arms around her and placed a careful kiss on her forehead. „Happy birthday, my love.“

Noora hummed in agreement and tipped her head up to kiss him.

The cocoa had overpowered any leftover hints of mint and she squealed when he put her legs around his waist to carry her back to the sofa. They barely had the combined presence of mind to lock the door before he tossed her into the mess of pillows and blankets they had discovered in one of the cabinets.

She did not ease her grip on his hair and so he followed her down onto the couch. His lips traced the exposed strip of her neck and she countered every too hard suck on her skin with a forceful pull on his messed up hair. The teasing ended in her pushing him on his back and settling on his lap. Her fingers trailed up his chest taking his shirt with him and her own sweater did not last much longer either.

When William texted her, asking for a date for Friday evening, she had her excuse ready and loaded. There was no need to conjure up a lie this time around and the satisfaction of having outsmarted him tucked the corners of her mouth into a smirk. Disregarding her phone to the mess of pillows on her bed she pulled up Wikipedia and set out writing the introduction to Irregular heart rhythms and their causes.

The irony was not lost on her, when her own heart spiked its pace in response to her phone pinging. Her biology teacher must have had a strike of cosmic intuition when choosing the essay title.

William’s reply wiped the smirk from her face.

William: Biology, one of my best subjects

Noora: you barely attend school, I’m good on my own

William: my essay on „Neurological effects on marijuana abuse“ made it onto NRK, I’ll send you the link

Noora groaned, the dark memory of Vilde gushing over said article in November. How he had such a big heart and he’s really really smart she had insisted with conviction; this had still been prior to the whole Penetrator sweater incident. She had frowned and informed Vilde, that a high IQ couldn’t erase his other - very numerous - shortcomings; as usual she had fallen on deaf ears.

Noora: you really can’t take a hint, can you?

William: almost as stubborn as you, we r a perfect match

William: I’ll cook an actual dinner this time

Glancing at her 132 words, a whooping 1.868 away from the minimum word count, her inner resistance shrunk into nonexistence with every blink of the cursor on her white screen.

Noora: I’m blaming you for anything less than an A

William: deal, 17.00 at my place

The worst part of this was her utter lack of remorse. Admitting it out loud would remind her too much of Vilde - head over heels falling for the local bad boy - but the knowledge of having him all to herself again made her stomach giddy with anticipation.

-

It made it all the more disappointing when William cancelled the next morning, followed by a string of apologetic texts. Chris was down and apparently the brow code demanded a night in just for the boys to lift his spirit; or so William had explained in a few curt words, sketching a picture in her mind of the Penetrators in his living room surrounded by half-eaten take-out and blue ray covers.

Noora knew better than to needle him with more questions. Alas her frustration with him, which she had a hard time justifying to herself, would turn the questions into accusations. She should know better than giving a boy this much power over her mood.

Fitting with her head space, the skies above Oslo hung low with angry black and deep grey clouds kept the sun rays peeking through to a minimum. After a good four hours of moping about her room and plundering the admittedly empty fridge for something to distract herself with, Eva called. Noora’s rumbling stomach and the knot of unresolved disappointment bobbing at the back of her throat made her jump at the mention of a girls study session featuring ordered pizza and a bottle of red Eva had been able to ransack from her mom’s wine collection. She’d refused the wine but given her friend a cheerful ‚yes of course I’ll come‘ on the other counts.

-

The location of Eva’s family home further up the Holmenkollen offered a good view at the few remaining bits of sunlight that had been able to pierce through the clouds and were currently converging into an ombre of oranges and pinks above the fjord. Oslo couldn’t compare to sunny Madrid when it came to weather but the grey Norwegian evening gloom had its own appeal. The foggy hills covered in thick forrest could make Hollywood smoke machines pale in comparison. Also the fresh air after a day of rain pushed all her William related troubles to the back of her mind.

Eva’s kitchen was filled with the crisp smell of freshly made popcorn and the lavender scented incense sticks. Vilde and Chris were perched on the counter tops and currently fighting over the iPod docked to the surround sound system. Eva gave her a side hug, balancing a liter jug of water in her other hand.

„You actually bothered with the essay stuff,“ Eva said, prodding at the books peaking out of Noora’s bag.

Sana, who had been tasked with boiling the tea water gave them a nod, „Some of us care about our grades, you know.“

„Hey not fair,“ Eva made way for the stairs leading down to her room. „I didn’t think the two of you would come if I’d invited you to a evening of ‚eating a shit ton of food and watching Ryan Gosling movies‘.“

Noora giggled and grabbed the pop corn bowl. She still had a whole weekend to write the damn essay, no need to ruin a Friday night with biology research. Sana, although not surprised had her brows furrowed and pinched her nose when dropping onto the bed next to Noora.

„Cardio vascular incidents are the leading cause of death in developed countries. It’s not like they’re making us learn useless stuff. This is actually interesting for a change.“

„Ahh, you’ll make a great doctor one day,“ Noora patted Sana’s shoulder with a grin „But I agree with Eva, movies sounds better than Sinus rhythms.“

„By the time we’re old and fat from the Pizza you can diagnose our heart attacks,“ Eva squeezed between Vilde and Chris on the floor and busied herself with picking a movie.

They decided on ‚The Great Gatsby‘ - not Ryan Gosling, but no girl refused two hours of Leonardo DiCaprio in a suit; even Sana relaxed and gave Eva a thumbs up in agreement.

-

The film raged on in a whirlwind of gold and extravagance, so intense her head felt like it was spinning by the time the end credits crawled across a black screen. With her chin tucked on one of the throw pillows littering the bed, Noora swayed her feet to the raging movie soundtrack. Her stomach stuffed with pizza Hawaii - minus the pineapple, Eva had disgusting taste in pizza toppings she decided - and her mouth tingling with the assault of salt stemming from her combined three portions of popcorn, she hummed to the soundtrack.

A burst of gratitude for the four girls currently sprawled across Eva’s room made warmth radiate from her chest. Sana, who was sitting with her back resting against the headboard was watching Vilde drain the last few drops of wine into her class while Chris made a run for the bottle. Eva had disappeared a minute ago to retrieve a second bottle of wine and Sana volunteered to get her and Noora a fresh pot of peppermint tee.

She might have fallen asleep were it not for her phone buzzing under the throw pillow. And just like that her resting heart rate doubled in seconds; of course it was William. She wasn’t sure if irritation or an odd sense of relief won the battle of emotions in her head and in a split second decision she headed for the privacy of the stairway outside Eva’s room.

William: I miss you soo soooioo much

William: you’re so fucking hot

William: fuck

William: Imm sorry

William: or sd

The confusion on her face must have looked almost comical; with her mouth fallen open and her eyebrows almost ascended into her hair line. Her heart hammered against her rib cage and the pulse waves vibrated in her finger tips.

But William wasn’t finished.

William: so so hot

William: I need uu fuck please

She felt her eyes straining in there pockets and the painful blush discolouring her face. She was awfully thankful for the dark and empty stair way in that moment. Of course it should have occurred to her that a few dates and kisses wouldn’t be enough to keep William from his fuckboy ways, but the mixture of embarrassment and vain flattery tumbling through her head made it hard to be mad at him. William Magnusson was drunk texting her.

Noora: are you drunk?

William: dontt now

William: yeahh

Noora: where are you?

William: some club Karl Johanns

William: the music sss shit

The colour in her cheeks began to fade and the throbbing pulse in her ears gave way to a replay of her disappointment with him earlier for taking a rain check. She had been able to hold off any accusing questions in the morning but now her brows narrowed and her fingers were miles ahead of her brain in formulating a question and hitting send.

Noora: I thought you said you were having a quiet night in with your friends???

William: sry buss party, dont be mad

As much as Noora disagreed with the common understanding of the woman always being the irrational and emotional mess when it came to fighting in a relationship, ‚don’t be mad‘ was the worst reply possible. Of course she was pissed now.

Noora: why would you lie?

her frontal lobe told her to let it go, there was no good that could come from arguing with a drunk William via text. And they had never declared this between them an official relationship, so she had no grounds to keep him from going to clubs and drinking and probably dancing with girls straight out of a Victoria’s Secret fashion show. The rational part of her brain also insisted that she was jealous and spinning a story in her head he had no way of refuting in this moment.

Bad thing, she was too hot headed to listen to her own rational advise.

William: kiss me pleese

Refusing to indulge his drunken advances she stomped up the stairs and practically ripped the tea pot from Sana’s hands, who in turn gave her a stern look. Back on the bed she stuffed the throw pillows to the floor and filled the two mugs with steaming tee, spilling a good amount on the comforter in the process.

With her voice wobbly and a grin spanning from ear to ear Vilde came to Noora’s refuge before Sana could interject a question. „We’re playing truth or dare,“ she grinned and waved with the empty bottle of red wine.

„No way,“ Noora pursed her lips and gave Vilde her most intimating glare. But Vilde had evidently had enough glasses of wine to dismiss her obvious discontent with a wave of giggles.

„We already decided. And you’re playing as well,“ Chris beside her had the audacity to nod enthusiastically and whistle in agreement.

„No, thanks. This is a childish game.“

„Oh come on, it’s just a little fun, I promise we won’t be mean,“ Eva gave her the sweetest smile she could manage and padded the free bit of carpet between her and Vilde.

With one last look to Sana who just shrugged her shoulders and joined the other on the floor, Doors had no choice but to slipp off the bed and follow her lead.

-

„I have the bottle. So I start, okay?“ Vilde giggled and placed it in the middle of their rather asymmetrical circle. „I get to pick a dare or question or dare and whoever it lands on must answer.“

Noora had to keep herself from rolling her eyes and criticizing the stupidity of the game any further. She knew she was pissed, and although this certainly wasn’t one of Vilde’s brightest ideas, she had no intention of ruining the good mood for her friends.

The first round went to Chris who went for dare; screamI ‚I’m gay for Eva‘ at the top of your voice out the window. It took the bottle six more spins and Eva stuffing her mouth with 25 marshmallows for five minutes to land on Noora.

„So,“ Eva mused. „Truth or dare?“

„Truth,“ whenever she had been forced to play this game in the past, Noora had without exception always chosen truth.

„Who was your first kiss?“ Eva concluded and over pronounced the last syllable.

„A boy named Aleksander in second year of middle school,“ easy.

Eva looked slightly disappointed but accepted her reply with a shrug.

Sana chose truth as well. Noora deemed ‚Have you ever cheated on a test?“ as an acceptable question, which Sana answered with no.

After Chris having to kiss Vilde and a few more strings of truth that were tame, even by Noora’s standards, the bottle landed on Eva who went for dare.

It was Chris’ turn to choose „Read the last text you sent.“

Eva hesitated for a brief moment with pursed lips before fishing out her phone and pulling up the text. „I fucking hate you.“ The colour creeping up her neck and the way she stumbles across the words make Vilde and Chris squeal in excitement.

The bottle spun on and Noora exhaled when her next to questions were ‚Who has the best buss motto this year?‘ - apparently ‚The Penetrators‘ is the only acceptable answer - and ‚Have you ever been drunk?‘ - yeah, three years ago and it was bad enough to keep her from touching alcohol since. But the third one sent her for a loop.

Vilde had landed the bottle on her. „When was the last time you kissed someone.“ The mischief glimmered in her eyes.

Twisting the ring on her index finger she considered her options. She could lie but the problem with always doing her best to be an honest person was that it made her a god awful lier; even if it was lying by omission.

„The day before yesterday,“ she mumbled and refused to acknowledge the gasps that her confession had elicited.

„Oh my god, who was it?“

„You really have a girlfriend?“ Chris looked at her, awed, and the wine in her glass swirled dangerously close to the rim.

„No, and it’s one question only right?“

Vilde huffed but nodded, nudging her to spin the bottle.

It took less than ten spins to empty the second bottle of wine. Eva’s tongue in particular seemed to grow looser by the minute, and Noora started to mentally list all the things Eva already knew or at least suspected. The list was longer than she would have liked.

When Sana chose dare and had to hand her phone over to a snickering Chris and Vilde, the panic started to take hold in her stomach. They flicked through Sana’s chats and finally handed the phone back with the remark. „You never told us, your brother is that hot.“

While the others were distracted by Eva having to land three consecutive bits of cold pop corn in Vilde’s mouth, Noora found William’s contact in her phone and deleted it.

The universe must have been watching because the next spin landed on her and truth was no longer an option, Vilde shot her a disappointed glance when she chose dare. But Eva quickly improvised.

„Read the last text you received.“

Thanking her foresight she pulled up the now nameless chat under Chris watchful eyes.

„kiss me pleese“

„Oh my fucking god, thirsty as fuck,“ Eva chided making Noora’s face sprout a deep red colour.

„Who is it?“ Vilde looked between the two with her features blazing confusion.

And the universe must really have a strange sense of humor because a car rolling up before the house and the main door opening followed by a voice, that must belong to Eva’s mother, calling for her daughter, put a stop to any further inquires into her privat life.

„Shit,“ Eva scrambled to her feet, throwing the bottles under her bed and pointing at the window. „Out, now!“

It was a strange sense of deja vu, the four of them climbing out the window - minus the William picking Vilde up part.

-

The Uber let her hop out around the corner of the Kollektiv and in the dark she almost missed the figure slumped on her porch just to struggle to its feet at her approaching steps.

„William?“

„I’m sorry,“ he clutched the wall for support and gave her a lopsided smile. „I shouldn’t have lied, I’m so so sorry.“

He was still drunk, not as much as he had been three hours ago, but his unsteady movements and the pleading eyes made her grin against her better judgement. She was still pissed at him after all.

„Do you remember texting me?“

„I missed you!“ he huffed.

„You’re so wasted.“ Noora said and squealed when he pulled her in an unsteady embrace.

„You can’t stay here, Eskild doesn’t … anyways not an option,“ William, though drunk, was already one step ahead, pulling out his phone to order another Uber.

„My apartment is big enough he announced and pulled her away from her house with an astonishing amount of strength and willpower.

-

Settled in on what she had dubbed ‚her side of the bed‘ and he had conceded to with a sloppy kiss, she had lost count of the amount of times she had - again her own promises - fallen asleep in this bed.

She had forced William to take a shower to lessen the stench of beer and cigarets clinging to his hair and clothes. Now little droplets of water were tickling her ears as he pulled her into his chest.

Forgiving him was easy when his fingers combed through her tangled hair and his lips nuzzled at her earlobe.