Can you see me?

Lily had been hanging back on her couch, watching some series when the doorbell rang. She moved up without any rush and shuffled to the door. When she laid eyes on Beth, a frown appeared on her face. If there was anyone she hadn’t expected to be at her door, it would be the detective. Surely she had said that the other could come by her place in a time of need, but she hadn’t expected Beth to actually come here. Lily was street trash and a severe mismatch with a cop. If they caught Beth at her place, the cop would have some explaining to do. And besides, from all people in the world, Lily didn’t ever see herself as the ‘best’ option, surely Beth had better friends than her.

“Hey” Lily muttered, observing the cop swiftly whilst she moved aside, creating space for the cop to enter. Once she did, Lily closed the door and turned to her, in the meantime trying to think whether she had any shit laying around that was not there for a cop to see. “What happened?”

Beth had been trying to figure out what to say so she would be allowed inside and relief showed all over her face as Lily stepped out of the way to let her in. She avoided eye contact when she was asked what happened. She sounded distant as she spoke, as if she was discussing another person’s life. “I just couldn’t stand to look at him anymore. To hear his fucking lies.” Her words slurred together, indicating that she may not be entirely sober. 

“So it is like having a roommate, but then one who is like.. mistreating you?” Lily stated, shrugging her shoulders. "Sounds fucking useless to me” The redhead was not holding back on her opinion now, despite the fact that she tried to stay out of it. She just couldn’t believe the detective was staying in such an environment. “If you want to have sex, there are plenty of nice people that are willing. I’m quite sure of that, with these looks of yours” 

Lily shrugged her shoulders. She should stop now, it wasn’t helping Beth anyway. The other was choosing to stay in the situation for some reason, Lily just hoped the other realized what that reason was and whether it was worth it. “You can send Paul my way, but I don’t know if you’ll ever see him again then” Lily joked, but it might as well have been true. Beth had no idea she was more than a drug dealer -as far as she knew anyway- but considering Lily killed for a living, Paul might as well be added to the list. 

Beth couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her lips at Lily’s compliment. “Yeah, I’m a real fucking catch.” The glass hovered near her mouth before she decided to set it down on the bar top. Turning to look at the other woman, she settled her chin onto her palm. “Hm, don’t make a promise you can’t keep.” A lazy sort of smile shifted her features.

A few days later and after a huge fight with Paul, she found herself knocking on Lily’s door. What the hell was she doing? If anyone that knew her caught her here of all places? Shaking her head, she stepped back thinking about turning to leave before the door was opened. It was too late, unfortunately, as she heard someone coming to the door to unlock it.

Lily looked at the other woman, observing her features as she was speaking. Beth had always interested her. She was a cop, a strong woman and yet so weak at the same time; the drugs, the shit boyfriend, she could have so much more. “Why are you still with him, Beth?” Lily asked. She did not want to involve herself in the other’s relationship or her decisions, but this was something she actually wondered. Beth was taking a lot of shit. “You can always come and crash in my apartment” 

What the fuck was she saying? ‘Oh hey police officer, come stay in my home. Luckily I don’t have drugs and weapons stashed -ehm, EVERYWHERE. Lily looked away for a second to observe the crowd and hide her thinking. She was inclined to help the other out, but why she didn’t quite know. Beth should just be a client, a customer, but she’d become something else entirely. Lily wasn’t even into drugs anymore. 

“The fact that you don’t mind having the time alone is the time you have to start thinking about what you’re getting out of this relationship -aside from pain and a drug problem” Lily shrugged. “No offense”

Maybe the first drink had already started to effect her, or maybe she just didn’t care anymore. Either way, she answered Lily’s question honestly. “It’s just kind of comfortable,” she took a sip from her new glass, now turning to look at the other woman. “It’s like having a roommate that some times you have sex with. Well, used to. That well dried up a long time ago.” 

At the offer from the red haired woman, she raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think you’d want me crashing at your place.” And it definitely didn’t seem like a good idea in the long term. “Maybe I can send Paul your way,” she teased, a faint smile on her lips.

Lily observed the detective. Whenever Paul became a subject in their conversation, something changed in the other. Personally, Lily would suggest Beth dump the asshole and find someone else, but the entire situation was none of her business and no one asked for her opinion. Listening, however that was something she could do. “That doesn’t sound good” The redhead stated, downing the drink and ordering a new one, gesturing the bartender to pour Beth a new one as well before planting down a few dollar bills.

“Have you talked to him?” Lily asked, briefly exchanging looks with the bartender as he handed her her drink. He was cute - in case she’d get bored. “Or are you two just living alongside each other now?”

Beth noticed the other drink be poured out of the corner of her eye. Thinking about it for a moment, she finished off the drink in her hand. “No point in talking to him. I feel like that’s all I’ve done.” At the other woman’s wording of ‘living alongside each other’ she tipped her head forward in a light nod. “That’s- yeah that what it feels like.”

Her fingers traced the lip of the new glass, holding off on taking a sip just yet. “Sometimes I don’t mind having time alone” Beth’s eyes remained on the glass, not able to look Lily in the eyes.

“It is fun just the same” Lily shrugged her shoulders. Did she just call karaoke fun? She must have hit her head at some point, because karaoke had never interested her before, let out seem like something fun. Hell, she hated anything that exceeded the social line of talking. Singing, fooling around, it was useless. 

“Sounds good” Lily said to the other’s words, following Beth to the bar. “I’ll have the same” She sat down next to Beth and looked up at the guy, still going strong, but on a new song. The people seemed pleased with him, despite the fact he was basically making their ears bleed. Lily got bored with the sight of him and turned her gaze back to the person next to her. “How are things Paul?”

Beth placed money on the bar when the drinks were poured, making sure to put set some coins down for a tip. An eyebrow raised at Lily’s question before she told herself to reign in her attitude. “Nothing has changed,” she answered honestly. Lifting the glass to her lips she had to remind herself not to down the drink in one go. She wasn’t in the privacy of her own home and didn’t want to be kicked out of a bar. 

“Probably worse actually.” A sigh fell from her lips as the glass was set down on top of the bar. “He’s been working late nights every day for the past week.”

     She notices, but it’s understandable. No harm, no foul – she really does need to learn to keep her hands to herself. It’s gotten her into trouble quite a few times already. So Cosima takes no offense, instead opting to continue to visually study every difference. Facial expression, now that’s one that seems to be a nurture-centric difference. The quirk of Beth’s lips, almost like she’s in pain… 

     “Huh– oh! Oh, yeah, totally, they’re super cool. And – and this one, it’s a Dudleya. You can tell since the leaves grow like a rose and they’re usually planted on, like, an angle –” Her hand is already rising in an angled shape before she sheepishly drops them. “–aaaand you don’t need to know any of that. Right. Um, hey, yeah, sorry, come in – sorry, it’s, like, super messy… Creative process, right?” She walks in first, carefully side-stepping a few pieces of clothing on the ground. She scoots over one of her many biology books with her foot to make room for Beth.

     “Just be careful, it’s like Pan’s labyrinth in here.”

As Cosima continued to speak about the cactus, she regretted pretending to know anything about them. Her expression softened, a smile just about forming when the other woman seemed to realize this wasn’t something she interested in. “Yeah, this looks like my desk at work, just on a much larger scale.” The last few words came out in a mumble as she took in what Cosima’s dorm room looked like. 

“Is this for school or-,” for us, she thought but didn’t say. Cosima was clever she would know what she was hinting at. Picking up one of the books, she thumbed through it finding it easier to look there than at the clone.

Lily leaned back against the wall. It was a cold night, but it hardly bothered her even as she was standing in a T-shirt. She observed Beth’s features as she threw the remaining bit of her cigarette on the ground and put it out with her shoe. “I figured it would be  fun to see your singing abilities” Lily stated with something that could have been a smile, her eyes on the detective. Lily hadn’t purposely picked out a karaoke night, she actually loathed it. However, in the presence of the detective, it suddenly did feel like an amusing plan to her. 

As she got up from the wall and stepped closer, she reached one of her hands into the other’s jacket. “Let’s go inside” She said, retrieving her hand without the pills she’d just been holding. “These ones are on me” 

She had grown somewhat fond of the detective, even if she would not admit to it. The only problem about this was that this was set up to explode. Things were not going to end well, especially if Beth would find out that Lily was a killer for hire, instead of a simple drug dealer. 

“I can let you know right now that I have none,” Beth said in response to Lily saying she wanted to hear her singing abilities. Although there didn’t seem to be an outwardly reaction to the other woman placing something inside her jacket pocket, her heart raced at the thought of getting what she had needed for days now. Hearing that she didn’t need to pay for them, she shook her head. “Then I’ll get you a drink and about eight shots for myself to drown out the sound of him.” 

Beth winced as she walked past the stage where the man was singing his heart out to- honestly she didn’t even know what the song was. Finding a seat at the bar, she slid into easily and ordered herself a whiskey before turning to look at Lily to see what she wanted.

@detbethchilds | closed starter | Lily x Beth

It had been a few years since she’d almost gone down for a crime that would’ve buried her completely. Had it not been for her genius way to shift things enough to merely be arrested on a drug charge was still something that surprised her to this day. They had almost found her standing over a dead body, now they’d just tossed her in a cell for the night and charged her a sum for possession of drugs. Because she was a first time offender and spun the story enough not to go down for the big drug dealer she was, she got of really fucking easy. Part of that might have been to do with the cop that chartered her for drugs. Detective Beth Childs, the first and only cop she would get in bed with -not literally. 

Time had passed since then. Lily provided Beth with the drugs she wanted and Beth got her money or a favor. Lily didn’t even deal drugs, that was something of her past, but for some reason she decided to make an exception for the cop. 

It couldn’t go well. 

As cautious as Lily was, this might be the most stupid thing ever. But she was drawn to Beth. The woman interested her, as did her story. Today was just another day of taking that risk. She planned on meeting outside of the bar, before going in. She was standing in the alley close to the bar, cigarette locked between her fingers. “Took you long enough” She said, exhaling the smoke before she turned her head into the detective’s direction.

It was becoming easier for Beth to mentally push past the guilt and paranoia she felt every time she approached Lily. Especially in situations like this where they were unironically meeting in an alley way. She didn’t think too much on why those feelings were lessening, knowing what it truly was in the back of her mind. Any control she had on her adult life was slipping in a way that reminded her of when she still lived at home. And if the only thing she could control was what she could put in her body, then she was going to what she felt was necessary to get by. 

As she stepped closer to Lily, her hand reached up to uncomfortably rub at the back of her neck. Subconsciously shielding her face as her bent elbow blocked what any patrons exiting the bar would be able to see of her profile. “Yeah, I was contemplating bringing along some of my cop buddies,” she replied just as sarcastically, standing next to the other woman now. “Of all the nights to go to a bar, you decided it would be perfect to go on a karaoke night?” The man singing truly sounded like he was howling. 

     She almost wants to peek through the door first, just to make sure this is, like, a real thing. But she knows that if she peeks, she’ll – do what, exactly? Close the door? Open it wider? Her heart’s pounding, she can’t even predict her hand’s movements as they rest on the handle. The way they titter nervously reminds her of nervous finches. 

     Deep breath. Okay, here we go.

     And – jump. 

     Her mouth feels dry, but the welling of excitement is the first thing that catches her. It’s surprising, and almost overbearing. “Holy shit.” She breathes it in reverence, like how she would when discovering a brand new plant or first jumping off the side of her parents’ boathouse. She doesn’t even realize she’s grinning until she steps forward, leaning almost uncomfortably close and tilting her head to examine her.

     “This is… totally freaky – your hair…” She reaches, to touch, but stutters in the movement and lets her hand hang. “Sorry, sorry – this is just… like, it’s – it’s a lot.” The limp hand paints a pinwheel in the air. She looks down and blinks, raising her brows at the gift.

     “Sooo… is this, like, some sort of statement about my prickly personality? Or…”

It was a knee jerk reaction that Beth flinched and began to lift her own hand to deflect Cosima’s. Thankfully the other woman stopped and moved away, hopefully not noticing Beth’s reaction. “Yeah,” she agreed with the faintest of smiles that could easily be mistaken for a grimace. 

With the cactus being acknowledged now, her eyebrows creased together. “Oh, uh, I dunno. Just seemed like something you’d be interested in. They can retain water for a really long time.” Cosima didn’t need to know that she had googled that on the taxi ride over. Standing in the hallway made her anxious and she gently made a move to step into the dorm. “Can I come in?”

This wasn’t the first time she would see her face on someone else’s body (even though that’s not how it worked) and yet as she knocked on the door she found her heart racing. Looking down to the cactus plant in her right hand she suddenly wondered what in the hell had compelled her to get a cactus out of everything someone could use in their new dorm. When the door opened, her eyes lifted quickly to look at Cosima. Glasses. She had glasses. And dreadlocks, her eyes shifted, and a nose ring. Was this what she would have looked like if she had actively rebelled as a teenager? 

“Cosima.” It was as if she had no control over her arm as it extended to hold out at the cactus towards Cosima.

How Beth was always the one chosen to speak to the victim was beyond her. And yet, here she was, approaching the young girl. A soft smile was on her face, an attempt to show she meant her no harm. “I'm Detective Elizabeth Childs,” she began, showing the young women her ID, “if there’s anything at all you can tell us about what you witnessed it would really help us. Help you.”

           — “Wha—” Following the other’s lead, Sarah slunk down in the passenger seat of the car, glancing back at the door they’d been keeping an eye on. They’d been sitting in the car for nearly forty minutes – far longer than kept Sarah’s interest, but it seemed it was going to pay off. “Wow.” The word was exhaled in surprise, taking in the other clone. Bleached blonde hair, makeup to the max and yeah…Beth’s assumption wasn’t wrong. Either that, or Krystal was wearing one hell of a push-up bra. 

Beth hushed Sarah when she had begun to talk, exhaling a quiet snort at the ‘wow’. “Her monitor seems to switch out every few months, she must be driving DYAD insane with her shit attempt at staying in relationships.” She had only expected to follow Krystal to the club that she had planned to go with her friends. But, it seemed things would be taking an unexpected turn when a car came to a halt at the corner Krystal was walking to. Sitting up straight now that they were out of the blonde’s field of view she watched as the window rolled down. Frustratingly she couldn’t make out who was inside but it seemed to be someone Krystal recognized. Going by what Beth could make out of the shape of the person, they weren’t female. “Who the fuck is that?”