Worry and wake the ones you love.

I don’t know, Dirk. You haven’t told me what they are. So I can’t tell you if they’re justified or selfish or not. What I can tell you is that you always have a reason, and I’ve never seen a single one that was purely selfish.

Then let me put my words from my own mouth where he had stepped over the line and wasn’t right. You do help me. You aren’t useless. You don’t need to physically be here to help me. You’re doing more over there than you could ever do from here. As much as it pains me to know that you could die at any godforsaken moment, there’s not much choice in the matter. Just as you know, and have unfortunately witnessed, that the same can happen to me.

Does that make either of us useless to the other? No, it doesn’t. You’re fighting a war, Dirk. I’m just a rabbit that puts it on the line to take out scumbags. You have a damn good cause and all I do is put morality above the ideal of what society deems fit. He’s not right, you know me better than you think you do. Just because you don’t know a few trivia facts about me doesn’t mean you don’t know me.

You’ve sat down with me, you’ve talked to me, I’ve seen you at your lowest and you’ve seen me at mine now. Yes, there are things you don’t know about me but that doesn’t devalue anything about you concerning me. He failed to mention that he’s known me for years, of course he’s going to know facts about me. But there will never be a question I wont answer for you.

So no, he wasn’t right. He was wrong, being a jealous and spiteful jackass, he was wrong.

They honestly don’t even need to be told to already know they were of selfish nature.

... I guess. I don’t know. After that I just feel like I don’t know anything. I never even bothered to ask anything.

I hate feeling like this. That the loss of someone dear to me would be the last straw to break the camel’s back. Your death only struck me worse because I have such a deep attachment to you, because I love you. He’s right in one thing. I am too wrapped up in the war to know where I stand. I am too deep into this to the point where I begin to doubt that having feelings and attachments in general are just. Cruel. To everyone.

I love Jade. I love you. And the fact that I am rethinking whether I should feel anything or try anything is what is driving me up the god damn wall, because I don’t know where I stand anymore ! This is cruel. I’m cruel. Because I don’t know when they’ll decide to kill me, because I can die at any time. For fucks sake they bombed Topeka ! If we hadn’t had suspicions that it would happen, I’d be dead. Or if I wasn’t, then all of the Resistance would and I’d be left to build everything from scratch. I don’t want to lose anyone and I keep stressing myself off because I am a fucking hypocrite and I’m ready to die at any point, but god forbid I lose any of you.