rex (25) Β β my eldest son, a product of my first marriage to a soul-sucking harpy. he is... acceptable. he lives in spokane with his longtime roommate, jeff. he works in sales. i think. actually, he might be a counselor of some sort. iβll ask him during our yearly visit.Β β
trent (24) Β βanother product of my terrible first marriage. a disappointing product. if i ordered him from amazon, i would leave a one star review. i would leave zero stars if that were possible. trent is full of himself. just because he gets straight aβs his whole life, he deserves my respect? just because he gets accepted to an ivy league school, he should get preferential treatment? just because he is in medical school, i should kiss his oversized feet? no. NO. trent is entitled and unpleasant and i prefer not to discuss him in public or in my personal life.
herbert (20) Β β we barely see each other. he lived with his mother during the majority of his upbringing. he has offensively red hair and is going to culinary school, so i try not to give him much thought. β
deputy mayor (13) Β β i had high hopes for this one. he is the product of my second marriage, which ended when his mother abruptly moved away without taking anything with her. of course iβve heard from her. i just donβt want to discuss the matter further, as it is still very painful for me. anyway, about D.M. his mother had an impressive background. i thought our combined genes would produce a child worthy of my admiration and legacy. i knew by the time he turned four that he did not, in fact, have what it takes. he has a regrettable fascination with pokemon cards and barely speaks above a whisper. i may have his name changed so i can use deputy mayor for a future, more competent child. β
bradley (10) Β β at present, i am not at liberty to speak about him. β
jeremy (8) Β β the second son of my second marriage. i only talk to him when necessary. he has a lot of demands. βdaddy, play with me. daddy, will you come to my choir concert? daddy, i had a bad day. can we talk about it?β ridiculous, right? he whines all the time. he even asked if he could be in the fourth of july parade with me. of course he canβt, but heβs too self-involved to figure that out on his own. β
orenthal (5) Β β i was engaged to his mother for a short time. we separated shortly after his birth. i named him after a personal hero of mine, o.j. simpson. i hoped that such a strong name would drive him in life, but i do not see that happening as of now. he loves to fingerpainting, but the pieces he shows me resemble literally nothing. he has no talent. β
tad (2) Β βmy son with my current wife. he is two and, therefore, has no real personality and is not a full person at this point. i donβt have much to say about him. i might in a few years if he every has anything worthwhile to say. i doubt it, though. β
β i guess now is as good a time as any to make this announcement: my wife and i are expecting our second child, another son, this april. hopefully this one will not be a complete and utter disappointment. β
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