丰✮𐙚 𝓐𝓷𝓪 ꒱丰۶

guys I’m sorry I fell off so bad I’ll try to get back on here more often and good content about tokio hotel

I’ve been going through stuff and my life has just been a wreck lately

I hope it gets better but it never seems to

I don’t think I’ll make it to my 15th

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He won’t say goodnight to me anymore,

He says he forgets,

He’s on call with his friends.

But I feel him drifting away from me.

Like smoke that never cared where it went,

like the taste of metal on a bitten lip.

I stare at my screen, while his name flickers on and off,

Like he’s testing how much I’ll wait.

I hate the way he misses his ex,

How I’m only good for comfort.

How he says he’s disgusted by her,

But then chases her ghosts and memories.

The way his mind twists,

How he learnt to want what hurt him.

And maybe now he wants that from me too.

He used to say pleasant things;

How he likes my accent,

The way my hair sits.

My eyes when I contour them with black eyeliner,

And the way I soften up at night.

He tells me he’s tired,

but I know that tone—

it’s not sleep calling him,

it’s disinterest.

I ask him,

“Did you mean it, when you said you cared?”

He leaves me on read.

Four minutes. Then five.

Then the app says “last online an hour ago.”

He’s slipping through my fingers

like ash from a cigarette

I never wanted to smoke—

but I lit it anyway,

just to feel the burn.

I try to be quieter now.

Cooler.

Less emotional.

Because I’ve learned

that boys like him

don’t stay for girls who feel too much.

Sometimes I wonder

if he ever looks at my name

and feels even a second of what I do

when I see his.

But I know the answer.

It’s no.

And still,

I wait.

Pathetic maybe—

but waiting is all I’ve known

since he stopped saying

goodnight.

My burdened heart,

—————————————

Sometimes he makes me laugh,

Sometimes he makes me cry,

I often hold my breath when his replies are dry.

I wait for just a word,

For comfort, or a sign,

But even when he’s distant,

He’s still on his mind.

I often wonder why the world was quiet -

Why I wasn’t noticed.

Why they pass me like shadows,

And never fully focused.

Now I fall too hard, and way too deep,

For someone who doesn’t care,

Clinging to one ounce of affection,

That may not even be there.

I don’t wanna share him,

But I feel I already do.

His heart still chases echoes of someone that’s not true.

I guess I’m just a ‘filler’ girl.

Someone to text when the silence is loud.

A placeholder to lean on when memories sting.

The girl you keep, but never confess.

The one you turn to, but never choose.

He never says goodnight.

He doesn’t know it hurts —

Or maybe he does.

I’m here, waiting.

But I’m just