what

as a vaporeon your only mission in life is to slap your biiiiiiiig damn tail and splash around

as a flareon your only mission in life around is to be fluffy and have an awesome attack stat

as a jolteon your only mission in life is to run around super fuckin fast and be spikey and cool

as an umbreon your only mission on life is to glow and lurch around and go "rrrreaerrr" and stare at stuff with your red eyes

as an espeon your only mission in life is to hear a whole lotta stuff with your big ears and make stuff float and bask in the sun

as a leafeon your only mission in life is to have dope defenses and go around in forests and be cool and green

as a glaceon your only mission in life is to walk around graciously in the cold and lay comfortably in the snow

as a sylveon your only mission in life is to go around joyously and hold onto stuff with your big ribbons and go "(whistling sound)"