i'll look after you

Slowly, but surely, he managed to pull his hand off Derek’s hip and placed it on top the other’s. His finger tips grazed his hand, the cast preventing him from doing much. “P-promise? You, me, and the kitties, right?”

Derek smiled softly at Noah, feeling a twinge of both happiness (that Noah wanted to be with him) and a little pang of sadness (for other reasons).  "Of course, Noah. You, me, and the kitties. Forever. I promise you."

"I don’t want to l-leave you, I don’t.." he shook his head before leaning forward as much as he could, kissing Derek deeply. He took a deep breath before reaching forward slowly and resting his hand on the older boy’s hip. "I just want to be with you forever.. T-that’s what I want.."

Derek kissed Noah back gently, not wanting to hurt him any further than he already was.  He smiled softly at him as he pulled back, his hand still resting on the younger boy's cheek.  "I know you do, Noahbug," he said.  "I want to be with you forever, too.  And we're going to be together forever. Okay??" 

Once the covers were over them, he let out a deep breath. His breathing as shaky as he tried to smile at his boyfriend. “Be-better..” Just being closer to Derek made everything better—let him know that it was a good thing for him to be alive. He couldn’t leave Derek, he couldn’t leave him in a million years. All that said, it didn’t stop a fresh batch of tears falling down. “I-I’m sorry..”

Derek just smiled softly at his boyfriend, his hand gingerly touching his cheek and wiping away a tear with his thumb. "No need to apologise, Noahbug," he said.  "You're safe and sound, that's all that matters.  I love you, okay?"

"I just.. I didn’t want to get you fired.. Yo-you already give up so much for me.. I didn’t want you to give up more, Derek.." Noah held his breath as he pushed back slowly to make enough room for Derek, whimpering in pain as it washed over his face. Taking a deep breath, he looked over at his boyfriend. "Ca-can we just hide for a bit?.."

Derek looked over at Noah somberly before nodding slightly.  He toed off his well-worn Converse and shrugged off his hoodie before carefully clambering into the bed, being extra careful as to not accidentally bump into his bruised and battered lover.  He pulled the covers up over the both of them slowly, smiling at Noah slightly.  "There, how's that?" he asked quietly. 

"Yo-you were a-at work.. I di-didn’t want to get you in trouble fo-for having to leave early again.. I didn’t.. I di-didn’t want t-to get you fired be-because I know you love that job.. Y-you’re the only one who keeps me go-going, Derek.. If I didn’t have you, I would have taken a fucking gun to my head a long time ago. I ne-need you.. I need you so much.."

"Noah.. you know I'll leave work for you no matter what. They understand our predicament.  I can come home if you're feeling like this.  If I lose my job, then I'll find a new one.  I might love it, but I love you more.  I'd lose my mind if I lost you..."

Noah held his breath as Derek kissed his hand. He just wanted a real kiss. A real kiss and to be in his boyfriend’s arms, hiding under the blankets. Everything was wrong right now—but Derek had the power to make it better. Derek always held that power. Even when Andrew had raped him relentlessly throughout the night, even when that broke him to what he thought was beyond repair—Derek picked up the pieces slowly and carefully.

Derek took a short breath, shaking his head a little.  "I love you too, Noahbug," he said softly.  "But you could have talked to me. I would have helped... Or done what I could have..."  He closed his eyes, his breath shaking slightly as he felt his emotions getting the better of him.  "When you do things like this, it makes me feel like I'm not doing enough for you. Like I'm not good enough for you..."

"I-I’m sorry," he choked out. He didn’t want to be in the hospital. He wanted to be back home with Derek—curled up in their bed with him along with their three cats. He wanted to be in his normal schedule: cleaning and taking care of their apartment until Derek got home and then spent time with him until bed. It wasn’t anything special, but it was his schedule. Anything beat being stuck there. He wished, time-and-time again, that he could just go home after an attempt.

Derek shook his head a bit, sighing.  He knew he had to forgive him, he had to. Even if he wanted to kick and scream and cry over this, he knew that he had to tell him he wasn't upset.  Because part of him wasn't. Part of him just reveled in the thought that his Noahbug was alive and okay -- well, as okay as he could possibly be.

Noah swallowed thickly when the other spoke. He couldn’t keep himself from crying. Everything hurt and his mind was a mess. He could still hear Max in the background faintly, telling him to attempt one more time. Noah had yet to tell anyone why he had done it. This time, however, Max wasn’t the only one behind it.

Derek frowned at Noah a little. He wanted to be angry at him; he wanted to yell, and kick, and scream, and cry, and try to get him to understand he was above trying to do this, no matter what psychological forces were pushing him towards it.  But then he would see him, broken and looking small and needy and just so fucking sad that he wanted nothing more than to hug him and kiss him and nurture him back to normal.  Just like every other time he'd done it.  He just sighed softly, feeling his anger lessen as he moved his chair closer to Noah's bed. 

✎Painting Flowers ; Doah

Derek had been both distraught and disappointed when he heard about what Noah had done. He'd rushed to the hospital, waited in the waiting room until they let him into his room, basically camping out in the younger boy's room as he waited for him to wake up.

We’ll have a wonderful family.

The best family around.

And we’ll have lovely kitties for children.

Yes we will.

I’m gonna marry the shit out of you one day, y’know that?

[He laughs lightly] And I'm going to marry the shit out of you right back.

[Noah rests his head against the side of Derek’s, closing his eyes as he enjoys the cool water] I’d be so much more fucked up still if it weren’t for you.. Thank you.

[Derek smiles some more] It's what I live to do, Noah. No need to thank me.

[Noah smiles slightly before hugging him tightly] May-maybe sex will get better too..

Maybe. We'll just have to wait and see.

I’m.. doing good.. right?

Very good, Noahbug.