Wrestling With My Demons

I think in each life we live we go through different situations, learn different lessons. Our spirit, our soul needs has & always will to go through a whole lot more than ‘we’ as humans do here in this one lifetime.

Sharon E. Rainey

Back to life. Got the knife out of my back. I'm Different. I'm Better, Stronger, Faster. Don't let the pain & the darkness determine who you are. I now know why the caged bird sings.

I'm done. There is no reason for anything.

Haven’t posted in a while because I’ve done something that will haunt me every day & every night for my entire life. Because I’ve been over-overthinking too much. Overthinking because of not knowing, which lead to bringing me down, way down. To a very bad place, a very dark place. I don’t like it but it’s becoming all to familiar. Paranoid feelings because of love. I feel I’ll be feeling miserable for a long time. I don’t deserve to be loved. I don’t love myself anymore more, nothing about myself. Even though I know I’ve changed, I was so overwhelmed by the demons in me. She deserves all the love in the world & I know I could of gave it to her in this life & every other. I wanted to marry her in this life. So no matter what she will always my love, forever. Even if she doesn’t want it, she’ll have it. I can not forget her. I will never forget her. I will never ever unlove her. I will never fall out of love with her. If it’s not her, I will never love another. The hell inside my head ruined my life & what has kept me going? *Don’t Die Wondering*

Trent Shelton

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Epictetus

Christopher Poindexter

The spark in my life has been extinguished. Everything now is dark. My muse, my spirit & my soul have left me. Can’t sleep, can't eat. Thoughts running wild in my mind, demons playing games, breaking me up. I hate these feelings. Feels like there is no escaping. I need a light to break this darkness. I always wanted too much & did too little. But the harder I'd try the farther I'd fall. I'm getting tired trying to find any peace, or seeking some sort of truth. Death is fine. Give me mine. Give me peace. Let me sleep.

Rumi

I’m really struggling & I’m so fucking scared. I know where this leads, but yet I’m not afraid of what I might do, which is a real mind fuck. If something does happen to me, I don’t want anyone to shed a tear, no one should cry. I was the designer of my own downfall. Just carry on as you would on a normal day. Carry on like the spring carries on after the winter snow, or like light after the darkness. Don’t worry for any reason, I am nothing. I was nothing. From nothing we come, & to nothing we shall return. Give me peace. Let me sleep.

Sivananda

I’m feeling worse than usual. Everything is off, way more that my ‘normal’, stuff isn’t right, like everything is hanging over me. I’m more anxious, scared, agitated, worried, insecure. It’s hopeless, I just can’t feel happy. I’m crying a lot. Sometimes it’s over something stupid that makes no sense to cry over & other times I just don’t know why at all. I want be held & made better. I never want to get out of bed because I feel so low & slow, my brain is working in slow motion. I don’t go anywhere anymore, I can’t deal with being around people for too long. I have no short term memory. I’m very forgetful. I can’t concentrate on anything or decide what I wanna do, even something so simple. I watched a movie last night, can not remember what it was or anything about it. I’ve fallen out of love with so much. Everything annoys me. Nothing is going right for me. What is happiness? My thoughts torment me. Thoughts of death visit me sporadically throughout my days & nights. Constantly covering me with dark clouds. Taking me to that place again. Reality will break your heart, Survival isn’t the hardest part, It’s keeping all your hopes alive, When all the rest of you has died. Give me peace. Let me sleep.

Leonardo da Vinci

Friedrich Nietzsche