not a fan blog. read description. thanks

white

low support needs

not need 24/7 support

can work independently

can pay taxes

language privileged

intellectual & cognitive privileged

who can fit in societal definition of useful & productive (yes, even if hard)

when fight back against eugenics & ableism, you NEED to fight alongside, fight with, n fight for autistics who

racialized & POC

from places of world where there critically lack autism knowledge n support

visibly autistic

higher support needs

need 24/7 care

can’t work independently or even work at all

can’t pay taxes

nonverbal, nonspeaking, minimally verbal, without functional communication, or cannot communicate via language at all even AAC

w intellectual disability or cognitive disabilities

who cannot fit into society definition of useful n productive, no matter how hard we try

because we always are & always will be primary target.

because we most vulnerable most marginalized within our, OUR community, which you belong in.

A family friend (don't know her too well) tried to hug me as she was leaving, and I politely tried asking her not to because 1) I'm in pain and 2) my spine is deteriorating due to a chemo drug. I really mean it when I say you can't hug me. But this bitch just went "no I'm gonna hug you" and shook me around and squeezed me like a dish towel while I was trying to push her off, and now a section of my spine and ribs is so fucked up I can't bend it and it really hurts. She literally injured me just because she couldn't take no for a fucking answer.

Like. This is why I have learned helplessness. This is why I give up so easily. At some point, having boundaries and asserting yourself and communicating your needs doesn't do jack fucking shit, because if people want to, they can overpower you and physically harm you in the process anyway. For nothing.

If I picked you up and moved you without warning or explanation you'd be freaked the fuck out too.

Despite the many weird reasons why people feel the need to offer it, unwanted touch is still assault.

Yes, even if your intentions are positive.

I know someone who has strong boundaries about being grabbed and picked up. It does bad things to her person and she doesn't want it to happen to her. Unfortunately, she is a petite woman, and when she was a child, a teen, and a young adult she was "small and cute."

For some reason, guys (particularly bigger guys) would scoop her up and swing her around. This happened to her all the time, in a variety of social settings. Those of us who cared about her became like her bodyguards. We were in our very early 20s when we became friends. I rapidly turned into her burly, growly protector, despite being only a couple of inches taller than she is.

One night at the coffee house, some bozo was going in for the grab and I got in his way, physically. I gave him Muderface and said, "Step back. Do not pick her up," in my best commanding tone.

He backed off, bewildered, and I said, "Nobody likes to be picked up like a rag doll. Nobody. It's not funny, it's not cute, and one day you will face assault charges about it."

"Well... But ... I didn't mean ..."

"If somebody wants you to pick them up, THEY WILL ASK YOU. If you think they might like it, ASK THEM FIRST."

She was right behind me in her fully fierce mode: "AND RESPECT THE 'NO', JACKASS!"

You don't know someone else's disability. If you touch obviously disabled people without permission, you're a jackass. If you touch someone who isn't obviously disabled without permission, you could be harming a disabled person, triggering a trauma survivor, spreading germs to a person with a suppressed immune system, or simply physically assaulting another human being. It's still jackass behavior.

Hug consensually! If you offer a hug, and the person declines, offer a non-touching expression of affection instead, such as:

Air-Hugs! (Make the hugging gesture in the air at one another.)

Wave!

Blow a kiss!

Give a little bow, or head dip!

Cross your arms across your chest and say, "Ok, I'm hugging you from over here."

Don't offer other kinds of touch. Don't try to tell them that you "mean it in a nice way." Don't act offended.