kermit's whiskey

the reason Phineas and Ferb is one of my favorite shows of all time is because adult jokes in other family shows are usually about sex. in Phineas and Ferb they are referencing classic literature and bureaucracy.

Got his ass together in three words

Okay but frog genitalia are internal whereas male rats have among the largest proportionate ballsacks of any animal.

wow I love to sit crosslegged without moving for several hours straight!

okay time to straighten my legs man I'm so excited

I f eel like a suit of armour that was attacked by a welder

To think that we will never know the identity of this mystery tweeter, thanks to the meticulous censorship of their url

my cat is so fucking stupid every time i get out of the shower he's so happy to see me he jumps on my bathroom laundry hamper (wheeled. it has wheels.) and he rubs himself on the closest available surface (the wall) and he doesnt understand physics because hes dumb so you'll never guess what happens