Inside Dena's Mind

I think I could remember your love in a thousand different ways. I always start with remembering you as pain. I always have that initial drop-gut feeling, where I remember sobbing into pillow sheets, sobbing into your old t-shirts, sobbing into the phone. But after? I remember our love in light. I remember guilty teasing and lips that brushed and your hand in mine. I remember our love in the steady beat of your heart under my ear. Your shampoo smell in my clothes. I think the crinkles you get by your eyes when you smile are imprinted into the back of my brain. I remember our love as heat, as skimming fingertips and whispering “I love you"s into your throat and your palm and your mouth. I remember our love like as if it was tattooed into my skin. I hope you remember our love in light. I hope you don’t remember me in drunken voicemails and angry words thrown at closed doors or in the taste of another girl’s mouth. I hope you remember me in light the way I remember you in sunshine. I know that I loved you with a fire in my heart that needed to announce its love to every inch of your skin, but maybe you’ve always been burned out.

The most heartbreaking part is watching them become a stranger right in front of your very own eyes. You knew the sound of their laughter inside out, and now their laugh sounds unfamliar. That someone you knew so well is now someone you used to know. And that’s what hurts the most.

I’m a very strong believer that whoever is meant to be in your life will always gravitate back towards you, regardless how far they wander.

If you want 2016 to be your year, don’t sit on the couch and wait for it. Go out. Fucking make a change. Smile more. Be excited. Do new things. Clean your room. Throw away what you’ve been cluttering. Unfollow negative people on social media. Go to bed early. Wake up early. Kick ass. Every damn day