I have walked in universes where the laws of physics were devised by the mind of a madman.
Future!Doctor Indie RP Blog
Based on the Blasphemy verse of thetenthlordoftime.
There is a reason the name is hidden. I cracked the Skasis Paradigm and there is no going back. But I am not the God that you deserve.
FC: Michael Fassbender
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The Doctor stood alone, calmly surveying the crowded space port around him with impassive eyes. He spent more time by himself these days but it troubled him less than in the past. He was never really alone, after all. Not anymore. With a subtle upward twist of his lips, he noticed a face from his distant past among the crowd. Somehow he had forgotten that Asha would be here today, no doubt with his gangly former self dragging her around like an overeager tour guide.
She stood upon the railing of the upper deck above him and as he watched placidly from below he saw a guard rush past after some petty criminal. As he did, Asha was knocked aside and he watched in horror as she toppled over the railing. Hesitant though he was to tamper with is own timeline, he knew that Asha did not die today, and thus something must have broken her fall. In an instant he moved, a focused thought of pure will transporting him beneath her, and held out his arms to catch. At the same time he noted that his other face didnāt seem to be around and recalled that he had charged off to investigate some interesting vendor. He should have been more careful.
Smiling down at the lovely woman in his arms, the Doctor recalled with a twinge of melancholy the way that she had looked the last time he saw her. Thousands of years had fallen between now and those longest days when he had watched his lover slowly decline and pass away from him as he had known one day she would.Ā āHello, love,ā he murmured gently before setting her down on her feet.Ā āAlright, I hope?ā
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The dust had barely settled on the wreckage of a holy war and silence echoed in the TARDIS. Time passed painfully slow without a companion but Dean had proven he was not the flying sort. The Doctor frowned at the console, lost in thought.Ā
He was still getting used to the new body which had emerged from the flames. It was strange to feel all of this. To truly be for the first time. The universe had been wandering around his skull since his eight year old self had looked into the Untempered Schism but this was different. This was raw power and destiny and light and darkness pouring through him and it made it just a little hard to breathe.
Out of nowhere the Doctor felt a pull that he could not explain. Something or someone was calling him away. For once it was not the TARDIS simply making up her mind. In fact, he could feel her pulling away. The sharp sting of panic passed between them as he came undone and he realized that he was being extracted and the ship would be abandoned in the vortex.
A moment later the console room was gone, replaced by somewhere unfamiliar. Somewhere low and underground. There were people here and as they stared at him, he looked right back into them. Frustration and fear built in his chest and the Doctor planted his hands on his hips, glowering at the room around him. He then fixed the same angry look back onto his summoners, shaking his head in annoyance.
āDo you have any bloody idea what youāve just done?ā
Ā Ā Ā Lorelei wanted to pull away out of instinct but her body disagreed; falling into a relaxed sort of state as he wrapped his arms around her. A little flutter creeping around her heart as his lips met with her skin. But as the words left his lips her brain numbed in shock, trace amounts of panic corsing through her veins. "Thatāsā¦.thatās not possile." Lorelei mumbled against him as he dragged her in for another embrace.
Ā Ā Ā She was at a loss for words all of her composure failing her as he pulled back smiling. To a certain extent she wanted to believe him, to throw herself into his arms. But on the other hand, how long had it been since sheād seen him? What were the chances that he would show up here of all places with her? The woman listened to him intently, hanging on every word hoping they were all true. 'Regenerated?' Lorelei thought to herself rolling the subject around in her mind. True she had never witnessed it but she knew it was possible.
Ā Ā Ā āI hopeā¦thatās alright.ā She heard him say, her body reacting on itās own in spite of her. "Can it really be you?" the woman mumbled softly as she pressed her hear against his chest listening. Silently holding her breath at the sound of one heart beat she slowly moved to where the other should be, her entire being a nervous wreck.
Ā Ā Ā Ā And there it was, the second heart beat the majority of the proof she needed sending her mind from a state of confusion to a world of excitement her own heart hammering in her ears as her cognac eyes shot up to him. "Itā¦really is you." She said in stunned tone, hoping up stightly to wrap her arms around his neck; clinging to him tightly.
She didn't believe him. The Doctor's hearts ached in his chest as he felt her standing numbly in his embrace. He would have to make her understand. He would have to prove it to her, he thought with desperate determination.
He stood before her uncertainly, shifting from foot to foot like a nervous child and trying to think of anything to make her understand. Just as an idea sparked in his head, she asked a question. Before he could react, she had pressed her ear to his chest. The Doctor smiled serenely and willed himself not to pull her close. He didn't want to startle her. He knew what she was listening for and what she would find. Everything would be alright after all.
"It...really is you."
As she bounded into his arms, the Doctor cried tears of pure joy. This was something that humanity had taught him was possible not very long after she had left him. For so much of his life he had only cried in pain. Now, though, he embraced her fiercely, pulling her tightly to his chest.
"It's really me," he sighed against her ear, spoken like a solemn vow. Though it pained him to separate from her at all, the Doctor disentangled himself just enough so that his lips could find hers, could taste her again after so many thousands of years. Long fingers buried themselves in her hair and his eyes fell shut as he sought everything that had been so tragically lost between them.
Ā Ā Ā She had just finished squeezing between a pair of stubborn individuals who hadnāt wanted to clear a path for her, taking another little nibble off of the stick once she was finally clear. Pausing for a moment she stood there looking back and forth trying to plot herself a path of action. Having no agenda for the day had left her slightly at a loss, Lorelei wasnāt sure where she should head next.
Ā Ā Ā The dalek had just started moving again when she felt a hand fall softly on her shoulder, her brain paused. Tensing lightly Lorelei glanced back over her shoulder, relaxing slightly at the mans softer presence. Smiling softly as he spoke to her she tried to comb every inch of her mind to identify him. Every idea was coming up as a failure, leaving her unsure of who he was; something that troubled her when the man clearly seemed to know her.
Ā Ā Ā āY-yes. That would be me.ā She gave the man a positive but visibly confused smile. "I donāt mean to be rude. Butā¦Do I know you?" The dalek questioned, she did have to admit that the male had a familiar feel about him; but she couldnāt quite put her finger on it.
Unable to stop himself, the Doctor sprang forward and hugged her tight, kissing her forehead as he pulled away. His hands came up to cup her cheeks between his palms. "It's me. It's the Doctor. Oh, I finally found you!" he cried, hugging her again.
As he pulled away a second time, unshed tears shimmered in his eyes and he smiled. He knew his face must be a shock. Lorelei had never seen him regenerate. She knew, of course, but one never fully understood until they saw it with their own two eyes... That one man could be so utterly changed.
He sighed and smoothed his hands over the vest beneath his waistcoat. "I...regenerated. Quite a few times since we last--" Averting his eyes, the Doctor suddenly felt a bit self-conscious and he rubbed at the back of his neck, a hallmark of the man she had once known. "I hope...that's alright."
Hearts hammered in his chest as he glanced back to her. "I searched for so long but-- I came to believe that I would never see you again."
"Well, God aināt never done much showinā his face, yāknow? I guess we just figured when the angels and demons brought the fight to Earth, that might change. Little did we knowā¦" Dean breathed his rueful laughter, "But it donāt matter anymore, the war is over. It aināt like Iām lookinā for some kinda reward. I didnāt think there was gonna be some big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, there never is. All I really wanted was for Sam to make it out okay, but heā¦aināt what he used to be. I feel like heās always on the verge of crackinā, and it kills me. You canāt be locked up with Lucifer as long as he was not come out a little beautiful mind."
The comment about distant stars summoned the first genuine smile heād managed since the ordeal began, āThey can go wherever they want to long as my feet stay right here on solid ground. Iāll fight for this planet to the bitter end if it means I aināt gotta take off into space.ā There was a moment of hesitation before he matched his gaze against the Doctorās own, āYou were the exception to that. Donāt think Iāll be makinā it again if humanity decides to go all Star Trek in my lifetime.ā
Finally, his anger drained as if through a funnel, and he felt a certain measure of ease next to the other man. It was more comfortable than he anticipated, like seeing an old friend after a long absence, āWhereād you go? TheĀ other you. Slenderman in a blue suit. If youāre here, does that mean heāsā¦ā
"Welll..here I am," he shrugged ruefully. "I'm sorry I'm not what you expected. But I am learning how to bring the angels in line. A few of them might even be scared of me one day. We'll see how that turns out." A small chuckle escaped but faded away at the mention of Sam. "He needs time. You both do. He'll never be the same. How could he be? But he will be alright. And I don't just disappear, y'know. You'll have a god on your side. Not much of one yet, maybe, but I'll learn."
Dean's fervent hatred of space travel brought back memories of a panicked Dean losing it as the TARDIS tossed and turned her way through the vortex. "It's not always so bumpy. But no, you can safely leave the distant stars to future champions."
The Doctor felt Dean finally relax beside him and in turn he allowed the last of his anxiety to drain away. Slenderman. He laughed out loud at that. "He was a scrawny little thing, wasn't he?" He shook his head. "No, he'll be back. Soon now, I'd expect. It's not a simple thing, having all the knowledge in the universe knocked into one's skull. As I recall, I had quite a time processing it." The Time Lord averted his eyes a little sadly. "As for us, we don't have very long. It's been six thousand years since last we met and as far as I know, this is all there is. For me at least. You still have all of that ahead of you. Your life and his are intertwined but you're human, whether you feel it or not, and he- I...will outlive you. So, as a dear friend of mine once said to me, 'Here we are on the last page...'"
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Ā Ā Ā Taking a few steps forward as the manipulator left her where she intended to go Lorelei looked around herself. Taking in the business of the business of the space port all of the people and creatures from around the universes. Straightening the ruffles in her dress and pulling at the rims of her knee high boots the dalek headed into the crowd blending herself in. The noise of it all roaring in her ears the drum a pleasant change to the years worth of lonely silence sheād endured. "Pardon me." She spoke out softly to one of the passersby as the bumped into one another, offering up a small smile as she moved on.
Ā Ā Ā As she neared the end of one street the woman heard a familiar call. "OURĀ SPECIALTY! FOR A SPECIAL PRICE!!!"Ā Her stomach growled in response threatening to drag her by force to the stall. "I would like two please." Loreleiās unusual speech pattern rang out over the mob as she held up to fingers. Glancing around as she waited on what ever it was they were going ot attempt to feed her; hearing the word specialty always made thing interesting.
Ā Ā Ā Calling out to her to get her attention the man behind the table handed her two sticks containing some sort of meat. "Thanks." She sang out to him stepping away, nibbling on one of the sticks as she moved through the crowd.
Another day, another crowded space port. The Doctor shuffled through the crowd, trying hard to block the barrage of thoughts and hopes and fervent prayers that pressed in all around him. Some days were harder than others. Rubbing at his temples, he didn't even see the woman passing him until they had bumped into one another. He offered up a murmured, "Sorry" and carried on his way until he realized that the woman had been incredibly, staggeringly familiar.
Spinning 'round to watch her as she headed on toward a stall vendor, the Doctor's hearts nearly stopped when he saw his lost love amid the crowd. Five thousand years had passed for him since they had lost one another and over time the desperate search had turned into hopeful, roving eyes and eventually faded to a wistful memory and a far-flung dream. He had hoped that Lorelei went on to live a happy life without him. He had hoped she was alright. Long ago, he had learned not to hope that he would ever find her again and yet, here she was.
By the time his mind had caught up to the present, she was drifting back into the crowd and he suddenly felt fire in his veins that hadn't driven him in years. Surging through the crowd, he made his apologies as he pushed through and fought the urge to simply freeze them all in time so he could have his way. Finally he caught her and reached out a trembling hand to catch her shoulder.
There was a part of Dean that recoiled at the nearness of the being at which heād directed his anger and bitterness for so long. The one he blamed for the pain and suffering that marked the entirety of his life. It was believed that God created everything, that he decided that it was he and Sam that should be the vessels of Michael and Lucifer, that he should kill his little brother. Sam, who was the kindest of them all, now a corrupted shadow of his former self. The monsters twisted him, turned him into something he never wouldāve become if not for the hand of the devil in his every move.
Still, there was a comfortable familiarity in the Doctor, and the sense of longing that swelled within his chest was nearly enough to suffocate him. With a certain measure of reluctance, he reached out, placing a calloused palm atop the Doctorās knee before it sought his hand. His bitterness balked at the actions of his body, and, for the first time, the hunter refused to give in to its sting.
"Iām tryinā, thatās all I can do, but I aināt what I was. I know that. Yāknow, they talk about God beinā all powerful and all knowinā, but you aināt so different from the rest of us. I expected too much from you." That particular line of thinking summoned another troubling thought, "If you make mistakes like the rest of us, how much hope do we really have? Weāve been gettinā through by the skin of our teeth. All this fightināā¦I donāt think itās ever gonna end."
The hand on his was the most powerful thing the Doctor had felt in a long time and his eyes grew damp as the hand sought his own. He stared ahead, almost afraid to break the spell that had come over Dean, afraid to remind him somehow of his animosity. When the hunter spoke again, he sighed and nodded. Still, something else occurred to him and he inclined his head thoughtfully.
"I suppose my first question is how you could believe that a God who didn't protect you and your brother could be all powerful...that it wasn't a mistake to let you down. You and Sam are worth everything in this world right now. To abandon you would have been incredibly reckless, not to mention cruel. Frustrating as it may be, my comparative uselessness is, I think, preferable to that."
He thought over the next part of Dean's question and chose his words carefully. "The fight goes on, it's true. There will always be a fight for humanity somewhere in the universe. But I've seen the last days. I've witnessed the end of Time itself and there were no angels; there were no demons or gods. But there were humans. Simple, brilliant, marvelous humans still surviving, still looking to the future even when there was none left to be had. You are the great survivors. If it's true that I am to make this planet, along with all of you, then I think the best thing I could give you is hope." He gave Dean's hand a squeeze and turned to face him fully at last. "There's always something worth hoping for Dean. There's always something better. And that sheer force of will is something that will carry your species through the ages, straight out to the most distant stars. It's the most important thing you've got."
"Then Metatron is a lyinā bastard, ācause you wanna know what I remember? I remember runninā through Heaven, tryinā not to get my ass handed to me by Zacharia, watchinā him play around with somethinā that looked like my mother, and realizinā that all of my brotherās best memories were the ones that didnāt involve me. You know what I found at the end of all that? An angel that supposedly talks to you, and he said you told āem it wasnāt your fight, that you aināt interested. You tell me what I was supposed to do. Let āem kill billions of people? I had no choice but to fight, to die over and over again."
Despite what he said, there was a brief moment of tenderness, one that he wished he could share with the man before him, but he quickly tucked it away behind the wall of bitterness thatād made its home in his mind. He understood that hindsight was 20/20, but he wasnātĀ quiteĀ ready to let go of his anger. How many times had he watched Castiel try to do the right thing and fail miserably? Still, it didnāt change what was done, āCan you change all that? Give me back the pieces I left behind every single time I died? āCause as it is, I barely feel human anymore.ā
"If Metatron was lying...I don't know. If he talks to me-- Well...he hasn't yet. But I can't imagine any universe in which I'd say I didn't care. I do care, Dean. About everyone. And you more than most. But what I might have said was that I couldn't interfere."
Coming forward slowly, the Doctor settled himself beside Dean on the edge of the bed. His hearts ached at the sudden nearness of a man he'd felt so far from all this time. But Dean's years had belonged to another face and it was much too late to steal them for himself. For the Time Lord, this would be their last goodbye. He hoped to make it a good one.
At Dean's question, the Doctor shook his head sadly. "It's not my place. This 'God' business really isn't all it's cracked up to be. The same rules still apply. I have the power to break them now but when I do-- That's not a universe you want to live in Dean. Trust me on that." He sighed and ran a hand roughly through his hair. "For what it's worth, I am so sorry. I wish that I had understood, that I could have kept you safe. My mistakes have hurt you and your family and I can never make that up to you. But they haven't stolen your humanity. You're the most human human I've ever met." A lopsided smile curled his mouth as he glanced sideways at the hunter.
"Whaddya want, huh? A gold star? How long have me nā Sam been cleaninā up your messes? Daddy disappears, his bratty ass kids get restless and decide theyāre gonna destroy the planet. Where were you? Iāll tell you where I was. Fightinā your angelsĀ and your demons, watchinā my brother get sucked into a box meant for the devil. That shouldāa been your fight. It shouldāa beenĀ yourĀ responsibility.ā
Time had softened the edges of his memory of Dean's bitterness toward God. Now, though, he recalled how frightened he had been to crack the universal code, not just for himself but for what Dean might think of him. The bitterness and anger washed over him like a wave and he winced. It was hard to know he had waited so long just to be attacked, but it was no less than he had expected really. His guilt also rose fresh into his mind.
"Time doesn't work like that Dean. It isn't linear, as I've explained before. Though with...somewhat less eloquence on my part. I was so much younger then. So unprepared," he mused aloud. "Everything that I have made has yet to happen for me, though I think now it might be soon. I didn't abandon you Dean. I didn't know."
The whirring of mechanics that invaded bitter thought was familiar, but the face that emerged from beyond those blue doors was not. It didnātĀ seem that long, but it mightāve been any number of years for his time traveling companion. Part of him wondered just how long the Doctor spent avoiding him, not that he vocalized his curiosity.
"Iām guessinā thatās you, Buddha." His voice seeped through gritted teeth, laced with weak venom. Ever since the beginning of the apocalypse, God was number one on his hit list. What he didnāt expect was that the God thatād abandoned him, the one that refused to stop the deaths of himself and his brother, was a man heād come to trust as much as he trusted Sam.
Dean didnāt bother to stand, and green eyes briefly matched themselves against blues before diverting to the floor between parted knees, āSomethinā you want? āCause I gotta tell ya, Iāve had enough divine calling to last five lifetimes.ā
No one had called him Buddha in six thousand years and despite the tense atmosphere in the room, the Doctor's smile brightened. Taking note of the betrayed and hostile looking in Dean's eyes, he simply inclined his head in confirmation and stepped the rest of the way into the room. Shutting the doors behind him, he leaned back against them with a sigh.
"That's not fair and you know it," he said gently in answer to the man's rough greeting. "What I did, I did for you and Sam. It wasn't a choice I made lightly."
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Bleeding Through | | gunpowderandsteelhorses | | Closed
Now was the time. The Doctor wasn't sure how he knew, but the vortex was calling to him and that was enough. Six thousand years had passed since the last time he and Dean had spoken. He'd been waiting for his moment.
In a motel room somewhere on Earth, both right at this moment and very long ago, the hunter was waiting for him. There were things that needed saying and his former self was in no condition to have that conversation. He was.
Firing up the time rotor, the Doctor sent his TARDIS into the vortex. When it materialized once more, he poked his head out almost apologetically and offered a small smile. "It's been too long," he murmured.
In the aftermath, the world looked different than it had before. Debris littered the streets and all the colors seemed awash in grey. Everywhere, faces peeked out of windows and around doors. A ship lay in ruins in a nearby park and a few brave children were playing again at its edge, already shaking off the horror of their ordeal. As the TARDIS rematerialized, everyone held their breath.
Familiar doors opened and an unfamiliar man walked out. He seemed strange and distant compared to the Doctor they had known. So far inside his own head now.
āThere, itās done,ā he said simply.
Only those who knew him best could see the pain behind his eyes over what heād had to do. As he walked past them, the UNIT brass and a few of the Doctors old friends rounded on Martha, ready to demand an explanation. She glared at them challengingly. They didnāt understand, but she would make them.
āSort of makes the blood go cold now, doesnāt he?ā one man asked.
āHeās dangerous,ā insisted another.
āHeās not. At leastā¦he doesnāt mean to be.ā Martha tried to explain. āBefore he was guessing, trying to do what was right. He didnāt know how things would turn out half the time. All he knew was that he hated fighting.ā She took a breath and swallowed. āHe still hates fighting. But now he can see when itās necessary. He was protecting us.ā
āI donāt like the way he looks at things now. So cold. Like thereās a monster in there clawing to get out.ā
He just doesnāt like you, Martha thought but didnāt say. She also knew that the Doctor was hurting. Even as a god, he could never quite outrun the pain. āWhat you saw today was a man at war. Every one of us looked the same. But he scares you because of what he can do.ā
Out of the corner of her eye, Martha saw something that brightened the dreary sky. A smile slowly spread across her face. āYouāre afraid of a vengeful god but there are two sides to every coin.ā She pointed over their shoulder, compelling them to turn around.
The children playing in the field had taken an interest in the Doctor. Kids could always sense when something was unique or strange or interesting and sometimes they knew better than grownups when not to be afraid. When the stone-faced, important people of Earth turned around, they found a strange and beautiful scene unfolding.
The Doctor held a little girl of about six, armās length above his head. Of the children, she alone had still been crying out of fear while the others played. The golden light of the TARDIS core emanated from his eyes and trailed away out behind him. Anyone looking might have some clue were the image of angels had come from, but the truth was stranger and more brilliant than the stories men told. Space and Time bent to the Doctorās will and he held the girl cradled gently in a time storm just above his head. She floated, giggling, arms outstretched like she was flying.
A moment later she was down and running, circling round to tag his leg. With a laugh, the lonely god gave chase and joined the game. Even with the light of Creation and the fire of Destruction blazing through his skull, he still couldnāt bear to hear children cry.
The Pillars of Creation, in the Eagle Nebula. Due to their distance to Earth of 7000 light-years, they are still visible from Earth but in reality they may have already been destroyed by a supernova in close vicinity to the nebular formations.
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Amazing, though, donāt you think? The Star Whale. All that pain and miseryā¦ and lonelinessā¦ and it just made it kindā¦ But Iāve seen it before. Very old and very kind, and the very, very last ā sound a bit familiar?
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