Mary♪‧₊˚

finally hit my original "realistic" gw, but instead of jumping with joy, i feel pretty underwhelmed... on one hand i did manage to do it and apparently I've changed a lot physically (to the point my parents are starting to notice I'm not eating enough...), but mentally i feel pretty much the same way, except now my biggest fear is the scale going back up even by a single digit...

sometimes it feels like i make up issues in my own head just so i can wallow in self-pity, while in reality I'm literally fine

honestly, i could never be m1a because I'm just too lazy to go through all the b/p, I'd rather stay in bed and not get up to grab anything to eat in the first place

why can't I just be normal? is it really so much to ask for?

another day spent wasting my teenage years away on rotting in bed alone, regretting it every single second, yet not actually doing anything to change it...

am i the most unbearable, unlovable, emotionally unstable person to ever exist or am i just on my period

i feel like i don't get to cry about feeling lonely, since i'm the one pushing people away

i need a long and brutal questionnaire that dives real deep into the psyche to tell me exactly what's wrong with me and how to fix it

I'm having such a terrible day all around (especially when it comes to my body image), but i have to go out with my cousins, it's supposed to be a "make up" for one of their birthdays we couldn't attend. they already changed the meeting day from tommorow to today because of me, and the one thing i hate more than pushing myself to go socialize is disappointing people

i'm going to lock in and start excercising, I'm not losing enough by just restricting (i say as i waste yet another day on rotting in bed with a phone in my hand)

ugh i hate when my parents bring me fast food as a "treat" ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡ sure, i enjoyed it when I was a kid, but now i just think of all the calories in it