last of the american girls

Lincoln: Wouldn't be a discussion if you didn't bring up the one mistake I made

Lincoln: In case i needed an additional reminder as to why this doesn't work. Perhaps it's the fact that no matter how long we'll together you're always ready to throw that at me

Lincoln: I don't need to. And I don't want to.

Delilah: Because we don't bring up my work?

Delilah: Or the fact that I was barely an adult and I got scared and ran?

Delilah:

Lincoln: How many times have you ended this?

Lincoln: I would never tell you to choose me over your education or your career, so i won't make you

Delilah: How many times did you?

Delilah: I shouldn't have had to ask you not to cheat.

“No, it’s not your business. But you won’t tell him, because you know how caring he is, and how worried he would be.” Alice said, every word slow as she tried to breathe, while she was speaking. She was just tired. She needed to be in her car, but she didn’t want Delilah to follow her, if she believed Alice would ever lie to Lincoln. “You said one of us needs to stop lying. And since I don’t lie, it means you lie, to him. And I’m not going to ask you what you lie to him about, but if you ever loved him, don’t lie to him. He deserves so much better than lies”

She started to walk slowly, her gaze on the ground as really she was just trying to avoid going into the ground and passing out this time. God, it was so… So… Awful whenever this happened. When her body would not stop shaking, and her breathing felt directly painful. “I’ve never-” She stopped walking, looking at Delilah, without properly looking at her, her gaze too hazy. “I’ve never, lied to him. He knows more about me, than anyone. He knows, everything about me. I just do not want him to be worried, again. I’ve never lied to him. You might have lied, but you’re his ex girlfriend, while he’s my best friend. I’ve never, never, never, lied to him. I just don’t inform him of every panic attack I have”

She didn’t want to talk, but she knew few understood her if she wasn’t talking. She just wanted to be in her car. To be safe. To be where they, could not reach her again. Or to be back in Lincoln’s arms. Nothing bad ever happened there. Pointing in the direction of the car, she took a careful step forward, not really sure of where her feet would land. She wasn’t still quite back, her vision still a bit blurry. “I want to be home with Maisie. I’ll be fine home. But Lincoln worries so much”

“He knows about it… He knows everything..  He understands… But… He thinks I am doing well, but… I’m not.. I’m not doing well” Her body shaking as she spoke, she couldn’t help but have her fingers in her hair, trying to not rip out the strands of blonde hair. She didn’t take the hand offered to her, instead she stood up on her own, wrapping her arms as closely around herself as she could. “I need to get to my car… I need my car… I need my stuffy.. I need my car. They can’t reach me if I’m inside of my car. They can’t touch me then. I’m safe in my car.”

She was trying to get her act together, but it was so hard when all she could feel was their hands on her, feel the panic of that day over and over again. God… She wanted to be home in her bed again and never go outdoors again. Because then they could not find her again. They could never take her again if she was always home. But even as the tears were dropping from her eyes, there was few names, few things that could bring her back to the moment, but the name of her safe place could. “Lincoln?” She whispered, her voice trembling, but she looked over at the girl with tear eyed filled eyes. “You can’t take me to him. He can’t see me like this… He things I’m doing better. He… He’ll be so disappointed. He can’t see me like this”

To Alice, it was like everything in the world had just turned black. She was back then, back to the panic that hit her when they grabbed her, and she felt helpless again. Her heart was racing far too fast, and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. “Don’t touch me” She cried out, her hands pulling at her hair. There was a voice in distance, but to her, there was nothing but being sixteen again, and a pair of hands grabbing her, while another put the cloth over her face. “Don’t take me… I can’t be taken again… No… Not again” She cried, more or less falling down on her knees in full panic. “Not again… No.. No… I can’t…”

Lincoln: I'm saying right now, after everything that's happened i can't just jump into something

Lincoln: The fact is work will still come first for you

Delilah: Neither of us can jump

Delilah: But you never asked

“He’s bad enough when I do dumb things… He’s very protective of me, but he knows I can walk three blocks alone” She tried to explain, though when she saw the hand reach out towards her she already tried to step backwards, her heart starting to race in her chest, silencing every single sound around her, including Delilah’s voice. “No no no nno!” She couldn’t control her voice as she stumbled backwards after the feeling of her arm getting grabbed, panic hitting her hard. “No, don’t grab me! I can’t, no! No!”

Lincoln: Frankly....I don't know if i could even be in a relationship right now

Lincoln: i wish i could say I could, i wish it was that simple but i couldn't do it

Delilah: Don't

Delilah: Don't be sorry.

Delilah: I'll figure out a world after five years of you

Delilah: ...

“And the exception makes the rule” It was a dumb saying, Alice thought. That for every rule, there had to be an exception to prove it. Like the rule of once a cheater, always a cheater, there was always the few ones who did not cheat again, but they were the proof of the rule, or something. “I’m just going to my car. Lincoln trusts me to walk three blocks on my own, it’s not like I’m going to walk across a lone parking station again”

Lincoln: But the fact is you're never going to trust me again

Lincoln: Because you have this certain opinion of me that i'm around sleeping with everyone

Lincoln: I spend more time watching netflix with Alice, then i do sleeping with random people

Delilah: I could.

Delilah: If you could trust me and be honest.