unwanted

i just feel so fucking hopeless, i can’t trust anyone, especially myself and i have no one to turn to. i fuck around and get myself hurt time and time again and i have no one bu myself to come back to.. and i hate myself. after all these years i still hate myself with the same BURNING passion i always have and always will. im a fucking idiot and im disgusting to look at and be around, im a gross person and if i could change almost everything about me i fucking would. i hate that sometimes i still miss the way things were, and that my family is FUCKED and i cant find the strength to tell anyone about it... i hate that im fucking back in this place, wanting to hurt myself again and wanting to fall back into my old habits like im fucking 16 again... its been years and one TINY little thing can throw me back to where ive worked so hard to crawl away from. 

yikes