head up high

hir·aeth

“But how can you miss someone when they are right beside you?“ She asks. “You can,” I say, “you can. When they are beside you but they are not yours. When they can leave without a moment’s notice and you do not have the right to ask them to stay.”

“Falling for someone new terrifies me, because I’m afraid of losing the feeling of home that comes with loving you. It just comes down to the fact that everything about you is so familiar to me; I know how holding your hand feels, and your kiss, and your smell, and I don’t know if I’m ready to learn what home is again.”

I think we broke each other’s hearts. It went wrong somewhere between not loving each other at all and loving each other too much. You know what they say about meeting an old lover? You can’t predict how you’re going to react. I met him again last weekend, it felt like coming home. His arms felt like coming home and I couldn’t look him in the eyes because I felt tears streaming from mine. He held me tight and told me that he’d never missed anyone like he misses me, but still it won’t ever be us

“i keep going back to places where i don’t belong but it feels safe there i keep going back to people who don’t want me but i need them i keep writing about people who never cared but i cared too much i keep going back to pain hoping it will feel like happiness but it never does”

“One day someone will ask me what made me stop believing in love and I will almost choke on your name”

“And,“ she said, "I will always remember two things about you. "The way that you came into my life - and the way that you left.”

“She will miss you for a while- fill herself with nostalgia and wishing and wanting and hoping until it brims full over. She will walk to the top of a hill on a summer’s day and wish you were there. There will be moments where she can barely contain herself. There will be moments where she will only want your arms, and your laugh and your voice saying it’ll be okay. And in those moments she will feel as though her whole world was breaking apart and nothing would make it alright again. She will look for you in other eyes, green - or other mouths - or other bodies. But they’ll never quite be right. Because they’ll never quite be you. And then one day she will say to herself: “enough is enough”. And at first it’ll just be words. And she’ll still miss you. And she’ll still hurt. But - over time it’ll start to hurt less, until it stops hurting at all. And if, after all of that, you decide to walk back into her life - you ought to know that she won’t let you back in. And if you never come back - you ought to know that she won’t care.”

“I hope you will be more mindful next time. Hiding or not telling her things, just because it means nothing to you can also hurt her. She is your partner, it’s going to upset her once she found out the things that she had missed because you chose to leave her out. You were too confident and impatient to hear her thoughts. You are also being unfair to her. Maybe it’s not really cheating, but what’s the difference when it’s still hurting her? Please think about this. The next time you decide to do something, I hope you’ll also give her a chance to be a better partner; to argue, to support you, or to give you more option.”

“my thoughts have been circling and i feel like screaming but no sound comes out all the air left my lungs only a silent cry is left in me”