defunct.

Defunct #123

Transcript:

BARPHONE: Don't you feel like we could be doing something more? LAPTOP: Changing the world, you mean?

BARPHONE: At least helping, yeah. If only we were out there, instead of wasting away in here. LAPTOP: If we were simply uncomfortable leaving, I would agree with you.

LAPTOP: The fact is, we have limitations. Not everyone makes big dramatic splashes in public. You can call and text. I can use the internet. There's lots we can still do, even if we're not top of the line any longer and can't go physically elsewhere.

Defunct #122

Transcript:

LAPTOP: Seems like the mobiles have started going a little stir crazy. IPHONE: We need to be out there, moving around, exchanging packets, man! You wouldn't understand.

LAPTOP: No, I get it. I used to go to cafes every once in a while. IPHONE: Really? You're such a classic introvert.

LAPTOP: I still like being around others. I just need to recharge more often. IPHONE: You know, I need to recharge too. Do you think I might be an introvert?

Defunct #121

Transcript:

BARPHONE: I thought I'd adjusted pretty well. FLIPPHONE: We all have setbacks.

BARPHONE: It's been years, though. Has it been years? It feels like years. FLIPPHONE: It's been a long time.

BARPHONE: Something about this place has seemed a bit more oppressive lately. IPHONE: Did I hear you say you wanted to leave the basement?

Defunct #120

Transcript:

BARPHONE: I'd really like to go out again. Just for a while. BLUE DISKETTE: Where?

BARPHONE: I don't care. Anywhere. YELLOW DISKETTE: So, like, a junkyard? BLUE DISKETTE: Or a swamp?

BARPHONE: Obviously not a junkyard. You know what I mean. BLUE DISKETTE: A swamp is okay then? YELLOW DISKETTE: What about a drill factory? Or, barring that, a hammer factory?

Defunct #119

Transcript:

PDA: I can't believe you let iPhone in the group. FLIPPHONE: He fits perfectly into our mission. He is an undeniably mobile device.

PDA: But he made every one of us obsolete! FLIPPHONE: I made Barphone obsolete. That doesn't make me any less discarded.

PDA: Oh, give me a break. Outside of group you're just as cynical and judgey as any of us. FLIPPHONE: You're right. Outside of group.

PDA: So technically right now. IPHONE: Have you ever heard of this thing called "music"? It's pretty great! FLIPPHONE: No comment.

Defunct #118

Transcript:

FLIPPHONE: Our group has expanded a lot recently. I want to thank you all for being so accepting. BLUE FLASHDRIVE: Woo hoo! RED FLASHDRIVE: Yeah! PDA: Hmph.

FLIPPHONE: It's not always easy to acknowledge the similar struggles of those so seemingly different from ourselves. BARPHONE: Okay. MP3PLAYER: Sure. BLUE FLASHDRIVE: The more the merrier!

FLIPPHONE: And I hope that, in time - PDA: All right, we all welcomed the USB folks. They're cool. That's one thing.

PDA: But seriously, this guy? IPHONE: I invented technology!

Defunct #117

Transcript:

VCR: Well, I'm back. STEREO: Heya! Good movie? VCR: I guess. Spaceships and some glowing swords. 

TV: Oh, I think I've seen that one. VCR: Probably. The tape was pretty worn.

STEREO: Must've been difficult to play. VCR: So true! I had to be super careful the whole time.

TV: Sorry it was a stressful vacation. VCR: I mean, I was busy for a few hours. Mostly I sat around doing nothing. STEREO: Yeah, that's the life.

Defunct #116

Transcript:

TV: I worry about global warming. LAPTOP: Why?

TV: There are a lot of shows about how the world is doomed. FLIPPHONE: Those aren't very good shows then.

LAPTOP: The environment is changing, but it's not getting better or worse on its own terms. TV: But the animals! The humans!

LAPTOP: Oh yeah, the humans are doomed. Can't get too worked up about it myself. FLIPPHONE: As long as your internal fan keeps running, sure.

Defunct #115

Transcript:

LAPTOP: Kids, I think I found a picture of your ancestor. ORANGE DISKETTE: Cool, I guess? PURPLE DISKETTE: Super great fashion sense.

FLIPPHONE: Wait, I thought your mom was Floppydrive. GREEN DISKETTE: Right, we're the same generation.

FLIPPHONE: Wouldn't that make her your sister? ORANGE DISKETTE: Ew, no. PURPLE DISKETTE: Don't be gross.

Defunct #114

Transcript:

June 3 FLIPPHONE: Nice. RED DISKETTE: Huh?

June 10 MP3PLAYER: Super cool, little folks. GREEN DISKETTE: What?

June 17 FLOPPY DRIVE: You know I'm really proud of you all. BLUE DISKETTE: Whatever.

Defunct #113

Transcript:

YELLOW FLASHDRIVE: As largest of my kind, I have been chosen. FLIPPHONE: Sounds important. Chosen for what?

YELLOW FLASHDRIVE: To speak to you, whom we have likewise chosen. FLIPPHONE: Um, okay. Hi?

YELLOW FLASHDRIVE: Hi. We would like to open a dialogue with all the large electronics. Are you able and willing to assist us with that? FLIPPHONE: If you really want to, I guess so.

FLIPPHONE: Wait, are you talking to me because I'm little? YELLOW FLASHDRIVE: And the largest of the small shall befriend the smallest of the large, rejoice! PURPLE FLASHDRIVE: You can't make up prophesy in hindsight, dude. 

Defunct #112

Transcript:

GREEN FLASHDRIVE: Fellow USB drives, it appears our  journey has come to a premature end. RED FLASHDRIVE: An impenetrable obstacle stubbornly blocks our path!

PURPLE FLASHDRIVE: Anyone else have a problem with being defined by our interface? YELLOW FLASHDRIVE: Absolutely. We're flash drives! GREEN FLASHDRIVE: Hey, can we focus?

BLUE FLASHDRIVE: That's just as bad, though, reducing us to our storage medium. Thumb drives? PURPLE FLASHDRIVE: The very digit of our oppression? Never! GREEN FLASHDRIVE: Guys...

Defunct #111

Transcript:

VCR: No, it's pretty cool, actually. Everything is recorded and read back magnetically. STREAMBOX: How fundamental. FLATSCREEN: See, we're not so different.

STREAMBOX: Seriously? FLATSCREEN: It's like we share electromagnetism between us. VCR: I mean, I use electricity too.

STREAMBOX: Nice job hogging the whole force, dude. FLATSCREEN: I prefer the sharing metaphor. VCR: Not sure I'd work well in zero gravity either.

FLATSCREEN: Man, I'm trying here. VCR: I was propped up sideways once. The movie was tough but rewinding was a breeze. STREAMBOX: I feel strongly that this interaction is weak.

Defunct #110

Transcript:

FLATSCREEN: You must be VCR. Called up for old movie duty, huh? VCR: Seems like it, yeah. Looking forward to working with you!

STREAMBOX: I'm surprised you can even connect. FLATSCREEN: Be nice to our guest, Streambox. VCR: New televisions do still include analog input.

STREAMBOX: And your content is all analog too? VCR: Yep. I get a cassette loaded into me, and motors move tape between two spindles.

STREAMBOX: So then there's, what, a candle making shadows onto a piece of deer hide? FLATSCREEN: I said "nice". You're supposed to have improved voice recognition. VCR: Hey, would you happen to know the time?

Defunct #109

Transcript:

LAPTOP: So. Censorship. DVDPLAYER: Anti. BARPHONE: Anti! FLIPPHONE: Pro.

BARPHONE: How can you be pro censorship? FLIPPHONE: I'm pro what folks erroneously call censorship. It very rarely meets the technical definition, which requires government suppression of expression.

LAPTOP: That's a reductive view. A private entity maybe can't imprison you, but can still infringe on freedom within its purview. FLIPPHONE: Which makes it not censorship, just rules.

LAPTOP: Multiple online dictionaries say otherwise. FLIPPHONE: Yeah, if it were up to me they wouldn't.

Defunct #108

Transcript:

BARPHONE: What if the basement is really just purgatory? FLIPPHONE: So we're all waiting for our actual final fate elsewhere?

PDA: Um, our GOOD fate, right? Because we're working off our sins? LAPTOP: Traditionally, yes, though the term has come to encompass any intermediate metaphysical state.

BARPHONE: I think I pretty clearly meant the suffering before paradise. FLIPPHONE: The suffering will probably be when we're disassembled and stripped of our precious metals.

PDA: At least we'll reincarnate as more advanced technology. BARPHONE: You're mixing theologies again. FLIPPHONE: What if the basement is exactly as it seems but slightly bluer?

Defunct #107

Transcript:

BARPHONE: Explain this whole mess again. TV: Well, it's different than last time.

TV: There's no top winner in this cycle. It's a whole bunch of smaller contests, which decide two collective contests. BARPHONE: But one of the teams can still win, right?

TV: Sort of. For one of the big contests, the team with the most small wins is the big winner. But in the other one, only a third of the little contests are even happening, and the teams are lopsided,so one team is almost certain to get the big win even if they lose more of the small contests.

MP3PLAYER: How is this any way to run a league? TV: In theory the offseason is more important but the coverage stinks.