I Make Noise For A Living.

This time a year ago, I was a very different person. I don’t know if I’m a better now than I was? I’m certainly a lot happier than I was, despite all life’s tribulations.

I haven’t played enough music, or spent nearly enough time with my family or friends, and I am starting to wonder if I have missed out on too many important things because of work. I cherish the time I get to spend alone, which in the last few months hasn’t been a lot. But I also fear loneliness, boredom, and not having anything to look forward to.

I discovered the power of hygge, and how I don’t have enough of it in my life. I also learned that I want to live functionally as a minimalist, which is proving to be harder than I had first imagined, there are trinkets I’m not yet willing to part with.

I dated some people who turned out to be bad choices, I wronged some people who had my best interests at heart. But I met somebody unexpectedly, who is awakening in me the desire to enjoy things I have previously shunned. I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to be miserable, I want to be loved, I am ready to thrive.

I set out some goals for 2017, and have achieved maybe half of them. I have lost a dear friend, and that has hurt me deeply. There are a LOT of children being born to people I care about, so where there is loss, there is new life; which as I am thrust towards my late 20′s, I have a newfound appreciation for. Not to say that I’m broody, I still very much would rather foster/adopt than have my own children... For I fear making the mistakes my ‘mother’ did with me. But the idea of spending time with other people’s children [in small doses] is somewhat appealing.

Honestly, I don’t see the point in living most of the time. I hate that I’m even putting this on here, but it’s the only social media platform I haven’t got many people that know me on. 

I tried explaining all of my frustrations and worries to a friend, they didn’t understand; and that just made me more annoyed.