Boy do i love auto defenestration

I don't think I've ever really wanted a relationship. I just desperately want the kind of friendship that has you talking a lot, and hanging out, and being close enough to talk about vulnerable shit. And the only times I've ever had that kind of connection, it's been someone who's romantically interested in me, and i get caught up in the excitement and we end up dating. But i don't think a relationship is what i want.

On that note, am i only lovable in a romantic sense? Do people only want to be close to me when they want to date me? It's different. It shouldn't be, but it's different. They like me because I'm pretty, and I'm a good partner. But does anyone ever like me? Is that why i never get close with people who have platonic intentions? Because those two things don't matter for friends, and the rest of my personality isn't likable enough for anything real? Is a school friend or romantic interest all I'll ever be? Is surface level friendship all I'm good for?

I'm making my siblings keychains for Christmas and my cat keeps trying to eat the wire