defeatedghost

Because I’m crying in the dark.

Lightning strikes and frigid air

Echo my shattered heart.

What am I doing wrong?

Why does nothing matter?

It feels like I can’t ever be good enough.

My 20-something glow down, getting fatter

Hair in tangles, wrinkled dresses

And concealer that always creases.

It hurts to look at who I used to be

So much heart and hope, now just in pieces.

Where am I going, why am I here?

Who cares that I’m here?

It all feels pointless,

My life is governed by fear.

Fear of never living up to my potential.

Fear of disappointing everyone.

Fear of always coming up just a little short.

longing for a life I used to know

when did I become this person I no longer recognize?

holding fast to who I was, wishing desperately

that I could go back

to when I had control of my mind

when I smiled and laughed and danced unashamedly

now I sit on this chair, thinking

and thinking and thinking

never mustering the courage to get back up